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AIBU?

To think a party won't work?

38 replies

Sugarplumdinosaur · 19/11/2018 06:26

Ok, so it's my DS birthday next weekend. He wants a party, which whilst I'm not opposed to the idea, his friends are proving very difficult to cater for. DS gets on well with just about everyone, and as a result has a very diverse group of friends. I suggested a pool party, that got turned down 1 of his friends can't swim and another 2 don't like to get wet. I suggested the movies, however none of them wanted to see the same movie. I suggested ten pin bowling but one of the boys has sensory issues and won't come. I suggested a games night, but 1 of the friends is severely dyslexic plus adhd and feels too intimidated so won't come.

Ds doesn't want anyone to be left out but I've run out of ideas. Does anyone here have any good ideas that would cater to all the boys? Ages range from 10-13. Also, the party would have to be gluten/dairy/sugar/preservative/meat free cater to all the boys various allergies/dietry restrictions. I miss the days when soft play and cake was acceptable!

OP posts:
HuntIdeas · 19/11/2018 06:30

You need to get your son to suggest some activities really, but how about laser tag or paintballing?

Also, it’s not leaving anyone out if they choose not to come because they don’t like the activity

Sugarplumdinosaur · 19/11/2018 06:33

Laser tag and paintball are out due to his one of his besties having sensory processing disorder. He just wants all his friends to be included and theres a few on the group who often miss out due to their issues. There's a few who I suspect are just being bratty, but for some of these boys its a genuine issue.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 19/11/2018 06:33

This isn't how parties work. The birthday boy suggests what he'd like to do and others come or not as they wish

StealthPolarBear · 19/11/2018 06:34

But you say none of them wanted to see the same movie. Well tough, your ds picks, it's his birthday.

Procrastination4 · 19/11/2018 06:34

Your son wants the party -has he any suggestions? I think you’ve come up with some lovely ideas, but if they’re all being turned down, he’s going to have to compromise on whom he asks or else come up with an idea acceptable to all. What parties have his friends had? Can you repeat one of those? (And I wouldn’t be apologizing for it either! The fact that you’re planning to put all that effort into their dietary requirements is enough!)

AbsolCatly · 19/11/2018 06:38

DS has a sleepover/DVD/nerf war party with trampolining a couple of years ago which worked well.

Home catering means you can have a selection of foods to meet different dietary requirements (have done this with both DS and DDs friendship groups to cover intolerances and allergies)

TipseyTorvey · 19/11/2018 06:38

Could you split the weekend into a two day celebration and do two of the things you've already suggested split by who wants to do what? Or movie in the afternoon for some and late afternoon evening gaming session? Foodwise, with all those restrictions I'd eat out as restaurants are used to these requests and have a wide range of choice.

Sugarplumdinosaur · 19/11/2018 06:39

I don't think it helps that none of his friends are friends with each other, they all only have ds in common. Ds really wants a pool party but none of his friends will come to a pool for various reasons, some are valid, others are just being ridiculous. I think I might just say no party this year and take him out to dinner instead. Would that be too mean?

OP posts:
Procrastination4 · 19/11/2018 06:40

Is there any zip-wire/outdoor activities centre near you? The boys bring their own packed lunch and you provide a cake for those that can eat it (as I’d say it’d be fairly difficult to get a cake that would cover all those dietary requirements.)

EmUntitled · 19/11/2018 06:45

How about trampolining, rock climbing or ski bobbing? Ice skating as there are a lot of places with temporary rinks at this time of year. Go Ape?

I think it's so sad that he really wants a pool party but his friends won't come because they don't like to get wet. Don't they ever bathe? Their parents should be using this as an opportunity to say sometimes we do things which aren't our favourite because it makes our friends happy.

TeddybearBaby · 19/11/2018 06:46

I’m not sure how old your son is but trampoline park? It can be dark in there with party type lights though so you’d need to check that I guess. I’ve been to a few different ones and some are just bright and light. Go karting as well - my son loves that. My nephew has hired an Astro turf pitch before and they’ve gone along and kicked a ball about.

StealthPolarBear · 19/11/2018 06:57

Exactly emu

blueskiesandforests · 19/11/2018 06:58

I'm not sure he has to invite all his friends. My dc2 is a bit similar - when he left primary he got "thank you for being my best friend when nobody else liked me" notes from 2 boys he'd never even mentioned to me - he has a best friend since toddlerhood who virtually lives at our house but isn't in his school class (year above) and 3 or 4 other close friends who come over a lot, but he seems to be the kid new kids are allocated as a mentor and slight misfits feel safe with.

Despite the fact that DS has a random motley crew of friends we have had to give up on accomodating everyone at birthday parties. He's had football parties the last few years, because he loves playing football. The boys who don't like football dont mind so much about not being invited because it isn't personal - everyone knows DS spends large amounts of his free time playing football, and that it's his biggest hobby, so having a football party isn't about excluding anyone and those who really dont want to play football understand why they aren't invited.

That said one year we did a party at the airport visitors center Grin That catered for pretty much anyone and was a bit different!

Blanchedupetitpois · 19/11/2018 07:01

You’re never going to get consensus across so many kids. I don’t now why you’re even consulting them. Pick something your DS wants and then the other kids can decide if they want to come or not.

Sugarplumdinosaur · 19/11/2018 07:02

You're exactly right EmUntitled. I've read out all the suggestions from this thread to him and he's come to the conclusion that a family dinner is probably the best way to go. He said "at least I know you guys will show up!"

OP posts:
Ragwort · 19/11/2018 07:04

Can you do a couple of smaller outings & split the friends ie; cinema with a couple and gaming at home with a couple? Keep the catering very simple so it’s not a traditional ‘party’ more of a get together?

TeddybearBaby · 19/11/2018 07:05

Oh no it’s a shame he feels like that though..... Just another perspective I really really really hate swimming. I don’t like the way the costume clings to me or feels on my skin. I feel freezing and shiver the whole time. It’s just something I don’t enjoy so I might say no thanks if I was invited to a party. However, if my friend said I really want to go swimming for my birthday but no one will go I’d go (and do my very best to enjoy it 😂). His friends might not realise how much he wants to do it?

Sugarplumdinosaur · 19/11/2018 07:05

I think over the course of the next week he will just have each friend over individually. I'm not baking a separate cake for each time! Will just do food each day that works for whoever is visiting.

OP posts:
shouldwestayorshouldwego · 19/11/2018 07:11

Could he go out with his friends to a restaurant? Then someone else has the headache and responsibility of trying to feed them. They sit at one table, you and dh sit at another across the room to keep an eye on them. Even places like pizza express can cater for gluten free/ dairy free etc.

thewayoftheplatypus · 19/11/2018 07:14

Do they have a shared interest? Gaming or football for example? A gaming party where they have a mario tournament (or whatever they’re into) with a takeaway pizza and plenty of sugar would be easy to organise and is likely to appeal to most?

Staringcoat · 19/11/2018 07:19

Whilst I think it's lovely of you and your ds to try to accommodate his friends like this, I think it's a shame your D's can't have the birthday party of his choosing.

Call me old fashioned, but isn't this a simple case of manners? Your son is kind enough to extend an invitation and it's up to his friends to accept or decline and not influence the choice of activity! Obviously, if guests have genuine sn, then perhaps they could be accommodated separately/individually - in a manner which suits them best.

If it's a question of very few turning up though, then I think your son must choose the activity that leaves the fewest people out and then see the people who won't or can't come, another time.

Or perhaps take him out to dinner now and then have an alternative party in the summer (like the Queen!) when the weather is better and you can include everyone in a forest treasure hunt or camping trip or similar activity which is more conducive to those friends with sensory issues etc.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/11/2018 07:22

I see you’ve made your decision. Another way to approach it is in future to pick the activity most children will do then take the one, who can’t somewhere else. This is what we did with dds friend, who has an allergy.

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Mummyoflittledragon · 19/11/2018 07:23

As for cakes. What about cooking a batch of cupcakes and a fresh candle?

junebirthdaygirl · 19/11/2018 07:33

I would be steering ds away from being too accommodating to all these friends. At this age he needs to learn to take the lead sometimes and when better than on his birthday. Teens are notorious for following the gang and he needs to know he can decide..full stop.
So maybe he picks a movie, his choice without discussing it with anyone and accepts that if only one or two comes thats fine.
I was constantly telling my ds to never leave anyone out and look after everyone. At Secondary ge came to me upset as wanted to drop a friend but didn't feel it would be right. Friend was getting into all sorts of trouble and ds didn't want to be part of it. I was shocked that my keeping everyone involved was too ingrained.
Get him to call it. Discuss with no one. Invite them all. Their choice.

Troels · 19/11/2018 07:33

Your Ds gets to decide what he wants, if anyone won't/can't come thats the way it is in life. You can't please all of the people all of the time, thats why the birthday person is the one who gets to do the activity they want.
Dd has her birthday over the Christmas holiday and wants to go out for a meal with her motley crew (also a proper eclectic bunch) I suggested a pizza place near us, she did the so and so won't/can't come, eat whatever. So I told her, iit's not their birthday it's yours, if they can't do it then so waht, most of them will come, the pizza place will do veggie/gluten free/dairy free or other allergy needs so I'm told. So she has settled on that.

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