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Mum shaming

(112 Posts)
crushedstrawberries Sun 18-Nov-18 20:29:12

I'm not sure if this is in the wrong place so apologies if it is.

So today I was mum shamed for bottle feeding my DS. I was on a bench outside my local Tesco feeding him while an elderly lady set next to me. We were having polite chit chat, how old your baby is...yada yada... What she just blurted out something along the lines of 'if you bottle feed him, it'll damage his brain and he won't achieve anything in his life' I didn't know what to say to this lady. I just nodded in stunned silence.

I appreciate that breastfeeding is the best for your baby but what she doesn't know is that my DS has issues with latching onto my breast making breast feeding nearly impossible. I have instead been expressing breast milk and giving that to him in a bottle.

I don't know what I really wanted from this thread apart from venting as it's been circling in my head since this morning.

Has anyone else been mum shamed for something completely absurd?

ReflectionsofParadise Sun 18-Nov-18 20:33:33

An 'elderly' lady would have been part of the start of the formula feeding era and is more likely to push formula feeding as 'better' than boob... which is rude and crass and omg naked women etc.

So... 🤷🏼‍♀️ that's weird of her to have done that.

Turniptracker Sun 18-Nov-18 20:33:37

I am not a mum sorry, so can't say I have had that experience but just wanted to apologise, as a woman, that another woman felt it was her business how you feed your child and felt the need to express her views in such a rude manner. You are doing a great job, don't listen to any random stranger who tells you otherwise!!. No reasonable, decent human being would behave like this no matter what their personal views.

CandyCreeper Sun 18-Nov-18 20:35:10

hmm 🤨

crushedstrawberries Sun 18-Nov-18 20:36:48

I was also thinking that @ReflectionsofParadise . I always through formula was a god send back in the 50's/60's.

Thank you @Turniptracker , I really appreciate that

WorraLiberty Sun 18-Nov-18 20:39:55

Oh god must every comment from a nosy member of the public, be labeled as 'something shaming'?

Just ignore her. She clearly doesn't have a clue what she's talking about.

Cigarettessuffragettesandboys Sun 18-Nov-18 20:45:34

Haha well I was shamed for breastfeeding! In public I was tutted at or once told to go somewhere more private (I was incredibly discreet too). In private a male relative told me it was digesting and told me not to do it in front of him. Stupidly I was embarrassed and left my nice warm living room to go sit on my own while he stayed and chatted with everyone who had come to visit me and my baby (I have a backbone now so would tell him to sod off if I could do it over).

Once I moved on to formula at 6 months I was asked more than once why I couldn’t stick it out if I’d done it for this long and what a shame for the baby....hmm

I’ve also been questioned on my choice of food for my dc. Sometimes - they should eat more fruit and veg. Sometimes - oh come on surely they can have a treat now and again don’t be mean. Have also been judged due to my choice of weaning method, what age I want to put them in nursery, whether I let them watch tv or not and how often, what age they had their own room, being clingy for not wanting to leave them overnight, not wanting to use cry it out - the list goes on.

It started before motherhood though. From pregnancy FIL watched what I ate, commented on it and, when I told him morning sickness was affected my diet, informed me pregnancy is not an illness. This was followed by telling me his grandchild would be more intellegent if I ate more vegetables during pregnancy as he’d seen a program on it apparently.

I’m thinking I’m either a crap mum or surrounded by crap people. On the other hand maybe we just live in a judgemental society where everyone is desperate to give an opinion they weren’t asked for.

Cigarettessuffragettesandboys Sun 18-Nov-18 20:47:02

Disgusting not digesting

HellenaHandbasket Sun 18-Nov-18 20:48:21

An 'elderly' lady would have been part of the start of the formula feeding era and is more likely to push formula feeding as 'better' than boob... which is rude and crass and omg naked women etc.So... 🤷🏼‍♀️ that's weird of her to have done that.

This. What an odd, awkward sentence to come out with.

sparklepops123 Sun 18-Nov-18 20:48:46

She’s probably had no kids and think she’s an expert. Had three,all bottle fed,all had dummies,all turned out respectable men. Take no notice

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Sun 18-Nov-18 20:49:38

I breast fed both my boys - loved it and had no issues - however they were continually ill throughout their childhood (they have grown into healthy adults though).
My mother tried but couldn’t breast feed me however I am also a really healthy adult and was also an uncredibly healthy child ... and baby.
Mum always said I was never ill. I was never breast fed. I suppose I’m arguing that there is no correlation between breastfeeding and health.

Cigarettessuffragettesandboys Sun 18-Nov-18 20:50:05

WorryLiberty I totally get why the word “shamed” is used. When I was a first time mum and just utterly unsure of everything I was doing I certainly felt “shamed” and embarrassed whenever anyone suggested I was not doing the absolute best for my child.

Wolfiefan Sun 18-Nov-18 20:50:17

People judge parents all the time.
You need to learn to shrug it off and just remember “the batshit is strong in this one!”

LuvSmallDogs Sun 18-Nov-18 20:55:58

My paternal gran was shamed for FFing...apparently one of the MWs wheeled out a trolley of baby bottles onto the ward and called out “come on all you unnatural mothers!”

Pixie2015 Sun 18-Nov-18 20:56:35

Wouldn’t give it a second thought - she needs to mind her own business ! People say things without thinking x

IncomingCannonFire Sun 18-Nov-18 21:02:01

Well luckily you were feeding your dc breastmilk and not formula otherwise she would have made you feel really shit. Now you just feel pissed off at the judgemental bitch right?
Well done for express feeding. The most time consuming method of both worlds.
Really people can say the most ridiculous clichéd crap. Take no more mind.

Shazafied Sun 18-Nov-18 21:04:22

Op I had to bottle fed EBF to my DD1 for very similar reasons (took her to several lactation experts, nobody could help us, if was all very grim and awful) and I too got the comments. I live in an area where almost nobody bottle feeds (well not at the groups I attended) and already felt very sensitive about it. One elderly women came up to me in a cafe once and said “awww , did you not fancy bothering with BF then”. I was so angry and upset , if she only knew !! But like PP have said there are so many parenting choices (I use tinge term choices loosely , often the baby decides) that people will question you for (no matter what you do) that you learn to shrug it off.

I can totally relate you your experience though, I was angry and upset when it happened to me (and there were a few times). I’m pregnant again and have decided I’ll try My best at BF but if it doesn’t work out I’ll bottle feed and everyone can think what they like. I just don’t have time for it now !!!

lovetherisingsun Sun 18-Nov-18 21:04:42

Meh, this'll happen for the rest of the time you have kids, lol. Usually it's an older (grey haired) person, sometimes not. But I find, usually. They either - don't have grandkids, so have forgotten what it was like raising their own. Never had their own. Are just like that. You just have to laugh, say "ok then!" and just carry on as usual. Pay it no heed.

Shazafied Sun 18-Nov-18 21:05:26

*i use the term “choices” loosely

StealthPolarBear Sun 18-Nov-18 21:05:43

Well asa formula fed baby with a degree and a good job I beg to differ smile

StealthPolarBear Sun 18-Nov-18 21:06:24

Obviously I am not still a baby, that would be impressive. Clearly had I been breastfed I'd be much more articulate

Caprisunorange Sun 18-Nov-18 21:07:56

What a cunt.

Wolfiefan Sun 18-Nov-18 21:08:04

Stealth! grin
Could be worse. My mum gave me condensed milk. Explains a lot! grin

StealthPolarBear Sun 18-Nov-18 21:09:52

Agh! Do you have a sweet tooth?
When was this if you don't mind me asking

Wolfiefan Sun 18-Nov-18 21:13:41

Stealth I am old. Very old. grin
Not quite 50 and it wasn’t instead of bf /formula etc. Maybe a part of weaning? Yes to a sweet tooth!

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