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AIBU?

Regret renting our room to very noisy mum and child

175 replies

Us1945 · 18/11/2018 19:33

Hello everyone

So I am actually quite understanding and so is my family about this situation. Il be honest it is getting me down though, I would like your opinions on who is being unreasonable.

My husband and I live with his family, they have rented a house for 15+ Years and we have a good relationship with our landlord. We all live together renting a room each. It is a 4 bedroom house. So it’s currently my husband and I, his cousin and wife. We then had another two empty rooms. We decided to stay living here as it has become our home and right now we can’t all afford to pay to live alone. So house sharing saves us a lot of money. If the spare rooms aren’t rented, we cover the cost of everything. So realistically we need to share a 2 bedroom house rather than a 4 bedroom but because we’ve been here so many years, we just keep staying. I suppose we feel comfortable here. It’s always been family here however the brother has now moved out with his wife and got his own mortgage. Our cousin then moved out, so we had 2 empty rooms and no extra rent contributions.

We rented one room to a lady who is okay. She keeps herself to herself and we rarely see her.

The second room we rented to a lovely lady, however she has a 10 year old son...
We talked about this before and decided that it would be fine with us if they live here, the lady is lovely and she is tidy. She doesn’t have people around and we trust her.

The issue is her child. He shouts, screams and has a massive meltdown about absolutely everything. I think she is scared of him, he is 10! She never disciplines him and his horrible behaviour is giving me a headache constantly. Day and night he shouts, threatens her and it can be quite disrespectful in my eyes. Not once have I heard her try to tell him off. I think she should be telling him that he needs to be quite because other people live here too. We all have work, I wake at 5.30am and everyone else is up by 6.30am.

The bad behaviour comes at certain times, whenever he doesn’t get what he wants. He cries and screams like a baby. I heard him say to her last week “if you don’t give me it I will slap you”!!! Can you believe this?? From a 10 year old.

The noise is one thing but listening to the way he treats her is worse. She is too soft on him and I feel sorry for her. They have lived here for 2 months and it’s clear that she has no respect for us.

She doesn’t apologise for the noise, or try to tell him off. I can’t deal with the noise. He is so loud shouting at her constantly im sure the neighbors can hear him.

So like I said, my husband and his cousin obviously hear him too. They aren’t saying anything though. It’s me who wants to go and speak to her about it. AIBU?? I just want a peaceful house... weve lived here 15 years. The landlord doesn’t care, he comes around once a month however he leaves the house to the family to rent themselves or rent a room etc. As long as the place is clean, rent is paid etc, he is okay.

I can’t go and say anything to her because it would be like “hey your son is a disrespectful brat who needs to be told”

“ can you tell him to shut up I’ve got work in the morning “ that kind of conversation

What would you recommend?

Let it continue...
Move out to our own flat & pay a fortune in rent...
Ask them to leave...

I don’t think the others are as bothered as I am, that’s why I am asking for advice? They hear his shouting and bratty behaviour but kind of ignore it... should I too? I just hate noise... nothing worse than having to listen to someone elses kid being a brat. If it’s my own child that’s different but I don’t see why his behaviour should be affecting all of us too. He’s not my child, I work hard and deserve to come home to a peaceful house and relax!

She is renting a room.. not a flat.. not a house. So im reluctant to say anything to her as I get the feeling maybe she’s struggling. Who moves into a room with their 10 year old son? Is this common? Surely she should be living in a house, im sure she would get help with money or rent if she’s struggling. It’s all confusing but other than that, she’s very nice maybe she has some problems and she babies him and doesn’t want to tell him off.. who knows. She can raise him how she wants but she should have respect for her other house mates. AIBU?

Thank you

OP posts:
Umbongointhejungle · 18/11/2018 19:36

I’m quite shocked that 7 people are living in a 4 bed house.
I mean I know it’s common in other cultures, but I’m really surprised about this. How much is the rent for you to need to split it between 6 adults. Of which 2 and a child are total strangers.
I feel very sorry for her tbh.

UpstartCrow · 18/11/2018 19:37

It's possible she has fled domestic violence. But whatever the cause, its ok for you to say you need to talk about the noise as its disturbing the other housemates.
She might need a nudge to get outside help, so maybe you could also ask if she needs support from Womens Aid.

ButchyRestingFace · 18/11/2018 19:39

Who moves into a room with their 10 year old son? Is this common? Surely she should be living in a house, im sure she would get help with money or rent if she’s struggling.

Er, didn't you rent the room to her? Confused

NoSquirrels · 18/11/2018 19:39

Have you found anything out about her situation in the normal conversation you have? Seems odd not to know how/why she has ended up in a room in a house share with a 10 year old. Sounds like she needs support.

MissMalice · 18/11/2018 19:40

I’m quite shocked that 7 people are living in a 4 bed house.

Less than two people per room? That’s shocking? Hmm

Santaispolishinghissleigh · 18/11/2018 19:40

Maybe ask her if everything is ok as you can hear her dc getting upset. She needs to be aware you can hear him /them!

AfterSchoolWorry · 18/11/2018 19:44

He could have special needs OP.

Smallhorse · 18/11/2018 19:45

You sound like a kind and thoughtful person.
Please speak to her.

Maybe she would appreciate some adult input with her son from others in the house. Maybe she wouldn’t. But you don’t know unless you ask .
You can’t go on like this though , can you ?

Gazelda · 18/11/2018 19:46

I think it would be fair and reasonable for you to tell the mother noise is disturbing the rest of the household, particularly if you all share communal spaces (sitting room, kitchen, bathroom etc). But maybe do it in a supportive rather than confrontational manner - perhaps desperate times have forced her to choose this housing option? Don't criticise the boy's behaviour, just mention the noise disturbance.

SnuggyBuggy · 18/11/2018 19:51

It sounds like you need some sort of mediation. I imagine she would rather have her own place with her child. House sharing is fun for students but not so much for families.

Us1945 · 18/11/2018 20:16

Hi sorry for any confusion. I didn’t rent her a room, I rent my room from my husbands cousin. He rents the house, so he deals with everything. Previosly the family lived here together and split the rent. Now the family have mostly moved out, there was 2 spare rooms. I have no say in anything. I don’t communicate with anyone much, only to say hello how are you. Im only ever downstairs to cook sometimes other than that im at work or in my room. I don’t know her well enough to ask personal details.

So me and my husband

Cousin and his wife

Lady and her son

Single lady

2 bathrooms

Large kitchen everyone has their own fridge per room and we share a freezer. So we have 4 fridges. There is plenty of space. She doesn’t sit in the living room. She cooks and eats but is mostly in her room.

When ive seen the boy he is polite and quiet. It’s when he’s alone with her he’s acting this way. I doubt he would do it if we were in the room. He knows what he’s doing.

If he has autism or behaviour problems she should have outlined this before she moved in. She’s well aware of his behaviour however never tells us sorry about the noise or never makes excuses for his noise. She literally pretends it’s not happening. I think it’s rude.

Like I said the family have lived happily for 15 years here, this is our home. 4 bedrooms is more than enough space for us. However I agree a mum and a son shouldn’t be sharing a room in a shared house. We shouldn’t have agreed to let them live here. I suppose it might seem a bit crammed this way. Perhaps it would have been better to rent to a single person. What are we all meant to do with the spare rooms? Pay the extra money? I moved in here to rent a room only however, because we are “family” we have to split any costs that may arise. Although the house is in one persons name, he should take all responsibility and any tenant issues should be dealt with by him and the landlord. If the two rooms are empty why should we all have to pay the extra rent? That’s what happens so it’s better for us if we have lodgers. We live in London. Rent is very high here.

I don’t have a say in anything but I could definitely chat to the lady and offer her support or just ask if everything is okay. But as for the renting of the rooms or house that’s none of my business. I would like my own space so perhaps it’s time for me to rent my own apartment. I actually like living here other than this issue, that’s the thing. But anyway im a kind person and would never make her feel uncomfortable, im just venting on here... because it’s annoying me. I haven’t said anything to her, I’ve remained polite. She’s been here 2 months, I bumb into her in the evening to cook dinner and thats it. But I hear the child constantly. From his bedroom shouting at her. It’s not nice to hear.. but clearly she thinks it’s normal and acceptable.

OP posts:
Regnamechanger · 18/11/2018 20:17

You know you're living in a "large" House of Multiple Occupancy? It's likely that your landlord should have a licence from the council for this arrangement, and also will have additional obligations that he wouldn't have if just you and your partner lived there. Sounds like a minefield. But short term, just tell her it isn't working and give her notice.

AbsentmindedWoman · 18/11/2018 20:17

This sounds awful, because how can there be enough room for everyone in the average 4 bedroom house? Does everyone have to share 1 bathroom?

Did you not think it was a bit unusual when they came to view the room? With rent being so expensive though, I guess this type of set up will become more and more normal for everyone.

AbsentmindedWoman · 18/11/2018 20:21

Crossposted..

What age range are "the family" all in? Are you quite young couples in your twenties? There comes a point when you get really fed up about the squash and compromise of shared living space. It's shit, housing is so bloody expensive.

Us1945 · 18/11/2018 20:21

Exactly Apparently this is normal in London! I couldn’t do that but who are we to judge her...

Im just here renting my room, I do kind of have a say because we are family but I think it’s best if I just leave it.

But yes there’s plenty of room, the house is massive

OP posts:
Us1945 · 18/11/2018 20:22

26-35 years old

OP posts:
Us1945 · 18/11/2018 20:22

The other lady is never here... I don’t see her from one week to the next

OP posts:
Jack65 · 18/11/2018 20:23

I would give her notice, but you say that isn't down to you. Speak to your landlord, who is your cousin who lives in one of the other rooms, rather than the landlord who owns the property. It's intolerable for anyone to behave that way and whether you talk to her or not, things won't change.

Regnamechanger · 18/11/2018 20:24

Potentially you have a bigger problem than this on the horizon. You're in an HMO, your landlord could potentially get fined up to 12 months rent if he doesn't have it licenced. I can tell you he doesn't because he wouldn't get a licence to have this number of people in the space.

SnuggyBuggy · 18/11/2018 20:25

Is your cousin allowed to sublet to you. It sounds like an odd arrangement

Jack65 · 18/11/2018 20:26

Regnamechanger yes but that's the landlord's problem not Ops.

Us1945 · 18/11/2018 20:26

Hi

I can’t ask her to leave it’s not my decision. I can ask my cousin in law to speak to her but like I said, he’s not too bothered about the noise. He said oh that’s what children do... they are children... yes but I think his behaviour is not normal. Children shouldn’t behave this way, it’s not the way the average child behaves is it??

He’s a nice guy and would never ask her to leave, so I suppose it’s pointless me asking. I just can’t stand the noise but it’s not seeming to bother anyone else

OP posts:

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Madmozzie · 18/11/2018 20:27

Like I said the family have lived happily for 15 years here, this is our home.

You rent a room. Just as she does. If you have no say in who else rents a room and you don't like the other tenants, move out. It's not your house, you just rent a room!
Alternatively, speak to her (she doesn't have to run around apologizing for every occasion of noise, esp as you say you rarely see the other ppl and I'm assuming it's the same for her) and if nothing changes, move on.
You can't pick and choose who else lives there if it's not your house.

Us1945 · 18/11/2018 20:30

As for the subletting apparently yes as long as the landlord is aware. He visits once a month and checks everything out or comes to do repairs. I have never thought about it to be honest. I literally have no say in this. Im not that close to my husbands family to be honest and I kind of just do what they want. I don’t say anything as I don’t want to cause an argument. Im simply renting a room just like the others, it’s not my problem what they do with the house. I have a contract for 1 room, not a house.

OP posts:
Madmozzie · 18/11/2018 20:30

And how do you know what the average 10 yr old boy is like away from other ppl? He's probably going to have some issues, in a situation with only mum around, renting and sharing one room in a shared house of other adults. Doesn't sound like either of them are finding it easy.

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