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AIBU?

Sick to the back teeth of being his alarm clock

169 replies

Hocusypocus · 16/11/2018 21:17

Over the past 12-18 months since he has started working nights the responsibility of waking DP for work has fallen to me, before anybody suggests setting alarms he simply doesn't wake up to them. We've tried again and again and again. He tunes them out, no matter what the volume or tune is.

He's not getting enough sleep because he wants to do other things when he gets home instead of going to bed, which I can understand, but by the time he does retire to sleep he only gets 4-6 hours sleep. He won't stop doing that, I've already told him to.

When I go to wake him as requested I'm sat at the edge of the bed for 10-15-20 minutes repeatedly tapping him and saying his name upwards of 20 times, it's the most repetitive thing and is driving me mental.

Today was more of the same, I made his dinner got him up (it took forever and alot of patience that I don't have) he has his dinner then falls asleep on the sofa. I left him for thirty minutes then began the tedious process of trying to wake him again, he mutters and goes back to sleep. Acknowledges me then ignores and closes his eyes again.

Cue more slapping him on the arm and raising my voice to call his name. Rinse and repeat for another twenty minutes.

Nothing.

He's an hour and fifteen minutes late for work. I've had enough, am irritated and at the end of my damn tether.

AIBU to just bloody leave him there and let him deal with the repercussions, even though him losing his job would impact me and the DC.

There's no way on this earth he'd have his job if it weren't for me acting as his mother/personal alarm Angry

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gamerchick · 16/11/2018 21:20

It might only take once though if you didn't wake him.

Or get one of those horns.

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OakElmAsh · 16/11/2018 21:20

Either leave him to it, or throw a bowl of cold water over him and let him try and sleep through that

He'll soon find a way to get himself out of bed like a grownup

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Aquamarine1029 · 16/11/2018 21:21

Tell him this nonsense stops now. He is not a child, you are not his mum, and he will have to suffer the consequences for his lack of maturity. End of. Frankly, you are bringing all of this onto yourself. Just STOP.

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Hocusypocus · 16/11/2018 21:22

Like the idea of the horn!

I'm telling him that as of tomorrow I'm not doing it anymore, I think he half hears me and chooses to ignore.

I probably sound like a right moaning cow but every day for over a year having to do this has worn my patience down to nothing.

I can get myself up for DS, work, appointments etc regardless of how much sleep I've had so he should be able to do the same

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Sethis · 16/11/2018 21:23

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Holidayshopping · 16/11/2018 21:23

He sounds pathetic - does he actually want to lose this job?

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Wigeon · 16/11/2018 21:24

That is ridiculous. You have to stop right now. What if he was single? Would he just be unemployed because he’s unable to get up for work?

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BlueUggs · 16/11/2018 21:24

As a night worker, I would tell him he either goes to bed as soon as he gets home so he can get up and do what he needs to BEFORE work or you will not be responsible for waking him.
What did he do before you were around?!

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Wigeon · 16/11/2018 21:25

You are rightly a moaning cow about it - but OTOH you are currently complicit in going along with it. But you have a choice - just stop!

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Hocusypocus · 16/11/2018 21:26

If he loses the job he'll send us up shit creek without a paddle because I work part time (10 month old DS and am pregnant) and we can't afford to live off my wage alone. It's driving me insane

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IsSheWeird · 16/11/2018 21:27

YANBU it's the most infuriating thing ever, especially when they blame you for not waking them. My ex was a pita for this, quite early into the relationship he asked me to wake him at a certain time, then when I tried pushed my face away with his hand and told me to fuck off. I should have fucked him off then.

He was self employed so no time limits really, apart from self imposed ones. Once he moved in with me, when I was off he would cry actual tears sometimes if I made him go to work. Biggest cocklodging manbaby known to woman kind. Fuck that.

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Boyskeepswinging · 16/11/2018 21:28

Eh? I just don't get why you are doing this. I don't even do this for my DS let alone my DH because they both take responsibility to be up when they need to be up. If he can't get himself up that's his look out surely?

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Holdingonbarely · 16/11/2018 21:28

Surely he will face the consequences of not waking up.
I mean you’re totally enabling him, what is he 14

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Hocusypocus · 16/11/2018 21:29

I've just played an Air horn sound effect into his ear from my phone, that did the trick.

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Kerning · 16/11/2018 21:30

Are you still planning on marrying him OP? This is the charmer who arranged to meet you in town and stood you up so he could continue drinking with his mates?

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Santaclarita · 16/11/2018 21:30

Pour very cold water over him. Every time until he gets the picture.

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thereisnorinbath · 16/11/2018 21:31

What everyone else has said about him BU, not you and clearly there are issues about responsibility that need to be addressed... But, were you feeling 'helpful' you could suggest trying one of these alarm clocks that has a 'shaker pad' that vibrates under your mattress or pillow. Works for my DH...

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Boyskeepswinging · 16/11/2018 21:31

Ha ha my DS is 14 and gets himself up, showered, breakfasted and out the door in good time for school every day all on his own. If he can do it why can't an "adult"?

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Holdingonbarely · 16/11/2018 21:32

I literally cannot believe this man is a grown up.
FYI THIS IS THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AND IT WILL GET WORSE

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Aquamarine1029 · 16/11/2018 21:33

If he doesn't get his shit together IMMEDIATELY, I suggest you start planning for a life without him, because that's where you're headed.

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Boyskeepswinging · 16/11/2018 21:34

I don't think the alarm clock is the issue. It's not getting enough sleep that is the issue. He should be responsible enough to work out how many hours of sleep he needs and work backwards from that.

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Purpleartichoke · 16/11/2018 21:34

Not everyone can adjust to working nights. It sounds like he is one of them. Perhaps he should search for new employment?

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LittleScottieDog · 16/11/2018 21:35

Video you waking him up, the whole shebang. Play it back to him and show him just how ridiculous it is that a grown man needs such help to get out of bed and go do the grown up thing of working to support his family.

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Hocusypocus · 16/11/2018 21:35

I've been sympathetic and chalked it up to him being exhausted from 12 hour night shifts five nights x 5 a week, but plenty of others manage the same without relying on somebody to drag them out of bed to get there.

He wants down time to relax and do his own thing when he gets home instead of going straight to bed but he clearly can't manage the two.

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lifecouldbeadream · 16/11/2018 21:36

Not suggesting you should wake him.... he is a grown up, however, I have a smart watch (appx £100) that has a vibrating alarm- you set from your mobile. I wear it on my wrist at night and that wakes me.... but doesn’t disturb anyone else.

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