OK, I am arguing with DH and genuinely don't know if I'm in the wrong. I think I may get roasted, but I can take it.
I come from a family who love to talk about all their medical complaints to all and sundry. DH's family are extremely private about that stuff, so we are miles apart on this.
FIL sadly has prostate cancer and is having treatment. He doesn't want anyone outside MIL, his 2 sons and me to know about this. MIL isn't supposed tell her friends or her sister that he is ill, so only really has us to support her. Last weekend he had to go into hospital as an emergency. MIL phoned us at 4am, 5am and 6am. It was all worrying and stressful but thankfully he is now ok and back at home.
I was talking to my mum and told her that FIL had been in hospital and that we had been worried about him. No real reason to tell her, I just let her know what was on my mind. DH thinks this was completely unreasonable and that FIL has the right to keep his condition private. I feel that it is unrealistic for me never to be able to talk to anyone else about this, but at the same time to provide support to DH and MIL, I just feel I need to be able to process things with other people that are close to me. I actually think it is unreasonable for FIL to demand secrecy from everyone around him, especially for MIL to not be able to get support from her friends. She struggled to visit him in hospital because she could not ask her friend to give her a lift. My mum knows that he is a private person and would not call or send a card or whatever, so to my mind he will never know that I have told her. DH is really cross with me for telling her. I feel it will affect my relationship with her if I conceal important ongoing stuff from her. And there may well come a time when we have to tell people, eg if we need to visit, if we need emergency childcare, if he becomes really poorly etc. I was really sure of my position but now I feel really conflicted.
I do realise the irony re blabbing about this on an open forum, but DH is fine as it's anonymous. If I'm wrong I will try and change how I'm managing this.
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To go against FIL's wishes
164 replies
Reevesandmortimer · 16/11/2018 20:31
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