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AIBU?

New guy said this, AIBU to not be happy??

114 replies

Heeeeelpme · 16/11/2018 17:33

Started dating a lovely guy- all going well.

I won't go into details but we're both into certain different sexual things that are completely new to the other person.

He's always been willing and tries my 'thing' but I feel uncomfortable and not ready to do the same yet for his.

He's told me he thinks both parties should be willing to try things and it should be a two way street because he's tried mine even after I've explained that people's comfort levels are different and I'm just not comfortable with the idea especially because we've only just started dating- I have asked if this is a dealbreaker- He assures me it's not- But he does keep trying to work it into conversations even though I've already told him. AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 16/11/2018 17:37

I don’t get why this isn’t a deal breaker for you?
I guess you could hang about to educate him about consent, but for me if he didn’t get that nagging someone into sex they have stated they aren’t ready for is not ok, I’d be out.
This is gut level stuff, instinctual stuff, and lacking it is a red flag.

GabriellaMontez · 16/11/2018 17:40

You just started dating and he's badgering you to do stuff you don't want to? Fuck him off.

Heeeeelpme · 16/11/2018 17:42

I'm already pretty much out at this point but I just wanted some opinions because I'm pretty angry right now

OP posts:
Furgggggg12 · 16/11/2018 17:42

YANBU. Get rid. How unattractive.

Jackshouse · 16/11/2018 17:43

You don’t need anyone else’s permission other than your own to end a relationship.

Grace212 · 16/11/2018 17:44

YANBU

Get rid immediately.

Perch · 16/11/2018 17:44

Yanbu but If its anal ya especially nbu, tell him to watch less porn!!

Bluntness100 · 16/11/2018 17:45

If you don't want to do it you shouldn't do it and he should respect that.

Especially if it's something that causes you discomfort. Keep some self respect. Everyone has or should have boundaries and just because he was happy to try something you like doesn't mean you should do whatever the hell he likes.

NonaGrey · 16/11/2018 17:45

He doesn’t understand consent.

He thinks sex is transactional.

So not really lovely after all...

combatbarbie · 16/11/2018 17:49

Oh hang on a minute, you both like different sexual styles.... he's tried yours numerous times but you haven't tried his..... this isn't about consent, this is about sexual desires being fulfilled.....so to be brutally honest I'm not surprised he keeps going on about it. You've had your fill but he hasn't, bit selfish.....and if it's about comfort levels there is surely a gentle way to explore it

NoSquirrels · 16/11/2018 17:53

I have asked if this is a dealbreaker- He assures me it's not- But he does keep trying to work it into conversations even though I've already told him

Tell him - I do not want to discuss this until I bring it up. If you are unhappy with that, let's not see each other any more.

Arsehole.

Sethis · 16/11/2018 17:55

Philosophically, yes, people should be open to trying new things. Generally speaking, in a relationship, partners are open to doing new things together.

However none of that translates into you doing something sexually that you don't want to do. Period.

If he doesn't shut up about it after a serious "Listen, stop talking about it." then I highly doubt anything is going to improve later.

sadiesnakes · 16/11/2018 17:56

Oh hang on a minute, you both like different sexual styles.... he's tried yours numerous times but you haven't tried his..... this isn't about consent, this is about sexual desires being fulfilled.....so to be brutally honest I'm not surprised he keeps going on about it. You've had your fill but he hasn't, bit selfish.....and if it's about comfort levels there is surely a gentle way to explore it

Nope.. not all "sexual styles" are equal? An Anal sex request is completely different to say being tied up and blindfolded. Op hasn't stated what either has requested so unfair to call her selfish.

ZazieQueneau · 16/11/2018 17:56

Immediate chucking.

Petalflowers · 16/11/2018 17:58

I think it would be a deal breaker. You have every right to say No to,something you don’t feel,comfortable with. Just because he has tried something new, doesn’t mean you have to reciprocate.

TemptressofWaikiki · 16/11/2018 17:59

@combatbarbie

This is all about consent! You have no idea what exactly OP is being pushed into doing. The guy had no issue with what OP is into. Fine but this does not mean OP has to like something way out of her comfort zone. Sex is not tit for tat. What a shitty comment!

dontalltalkatonce · 16/11/2018 18:00

You have to ask? Get rid! He doesn't respect your boundaries.

Deathgrip · 16/11/2018 18:00

Oh hang on a minute, you both like different sexual styles.... he's tried yours numerous times but you haven't tried his..... this isn't about consent, this is about sexual desires being fulfilled.....so to be brutally honest I'm not surprised he keeps going on about it. You've had your fill but he hasn't, bit selfish.....and if it's about comfort levels there is surely a gentle way to explore it

Horse shit. He was equally welcome to say no to whatever she wants to do. This isn’t tit for tat.

StormTreader · 16/11/2018 18:00

Sex is not tit-for-tat (tit, snigger)
"You wanted reverse cowgirl, so now I get to have anal" is not how it works.

Mumminmum · 16/11/2018 18:10

@combatbarbie like OP's boyfriend, you clearly don't understand that sex is not transactional and you don't really understand consent either.

BumbleBeee69 · 16/11/2018 18:11

Curious about what he wants to try OP but respect your privacy, however I agree with all the comments saying No, if you're not comfortable then the answer is No. If he keeps pushing, then end this lovely Flowers

MsJudgemental · 16/11/2018 18:14

LTB

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Singlenotsingle · 16/11/2018 18:18

It's LTB from me too

Allthewaves · 16/11/2018 18:18

The mind boggles over different sexual styles - is he Mr Grey

Littlepond · 16/11/2018 18:18

No one should ever do anything sexual they don’t want want to. It’s not a transaction, there is no sexual debt, you don’t owe him anything.
A man shouldn’t want to do something sexual with a woman who doesn’t want to. It shouldn’t be enjoyable to do sex acts with an unwilling partner. If he would enjoy a sex act KNOWING YOU WERENT INTO IT then that is a HUGE red flag.

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