I have a male friend who I am really fond of. He is a great listener and really funny, I often give him a call after work for some comic relief as we chat about the "drama" of our respective workplaces but equally we can have quite intellectually stimulating debates. We are both quite geeky, have been friends since 15 school (20+ years now.) He lives abroad so our friendship is mainly online.
However there are a few "buts." There is an understanding between us that he has a small of a crush on me. He openly jokes about stalking me on social media and there have been other occurences that were obvious signals. I think if I asked him outright he would agree and turn it into a joke. We had converations about this in the past (10y ago) and I told him while I really valued him as a friend I did not share the crush. He seemed not too bothered and okay to just carry on as friends.
My mum has been telling me for ages to stop being friends with him as it is just weird since I now have a husband and in her opinion, I am leading him on.
My reasonig was - I was honest with him and if he decided to keep the friendship it must mean his feelings were not that strong & so he can deal with it.
However recently I have been reconsidering my mom's words...I am especially bothered that even early on in the relationship he had a tendency to downplay and challenge my accomplishments. He later addmitted he was jealous. However most times he is 100% supportive and perhaps even excessive in his praise (to the point where I wonder if he is taking the mickey.)
Now I started a distance learing masters degree course and he is having little digs at me such as "how is the elearning going?" or calling the scholarship I got "a discount", he also believes I will get good marks for "just starting a task" and that my responsibilties as a scholarship holder will come down to "being put into a uni mascot outfit and giving out leaflets." When I said it is difficult to reconcille work, family and studies he said "well you have days working from home so you can study." As if my job is so slow I can literally do nothing when I work from home. When I confronted him over this he started off saying "oi where is this comming from" implying I was unreasonable.
On top of that I had an opportunity to see him in person not long ago and decided against it, since last time we met (not long ahead of my wedding) he was all moody and said the convo was not flowing (he did not particularly try even though I did), then he dashed off because his mates called him. I just found the whole experience unpleasant.
If he is jealous I don't understand it as he has got a Masters in engineering that he obtained by being a full time student at a brick uni. He has got his own house and a decent salary.
I am asking for your insights as I often have very high expectations of people in my close circle in terms of behaviour. I don't know if I should just let these things go as they are a normal part of a friendship or would be beneficial to both of us if I cut this off.
Please or to access all these features
Please
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AIBU?
To cut off this life long friend
24 replies
linda30 · 16/11/2018 09:57
OP posts:
marns ·
16/11/2018 10:45
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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