I don’t want to go into detail but something really bad happened to me when I was 21, so nearly 20 years ago. It was in another country when I was travelling and when I managed to leave the situation and get home, I just wanted it to disappear and also I didn’t want the knowledge of what had happened to me to hurt my parents, so I didn’t really tell anyone except for a couple of my best friends.
I’ve had a few long term relationships since then and never told them. I’m not sure why, I think mainly because I didn’t want them to think I was looking for sympathy with a ‘sob story’ or for them to maybe see me differently. And a big part of me didn’t want to acknowledge it as a thing at all, because I didn’t want the people who had done it to ‘win’ by letting it affect me. Although of course it did affect me and I was diagnosed with PTSD by a depression and anxiety service a few years ago. I ended up not having the CBT they offered though because I was dealing with some big life changes at the time and couldn’t devote the time to it.
Now I’m with the person I hope to spend the rest of my life with, and I’ve been feeling as though maybe I should tell him, because although I never talk about it I do think about it every day and it’s affected me in that I have anxiety and nightmares and flashbacks sometimes, and I sometimes wish he knows it was because something happened to me to make me that way, not that it’s just the way I am. I’ve decided to get some counselling about it soon as well and am on a waiting list.
Maybe that’s partly why I’m wondering if I should tell my DP about it. And also I suppose it almost feels dishonest or secretive or something. I feel like I want him to really know me even though part of me is worried that he might reject me if he knows I’m ‘damaged’. I know this is irrational because what happened wasn’t my fault, but it’s still worrying me.
So, should I tell him, or leave it in the past? Part of me thinks, what’s the point in telling him? What good would it do? What do I hope to achieve by it? My life has been mostly ok keeping it to myself so perhaps I should carry on.
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Would you tell your DP if something terrible had happened to you a long time ago?
39 replies
Turquoisebra · 15/11/2018 20:05
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