Abusive ex taken my child

[kenwoodleft]

Yesterday my abusive ex - who I have posted about numerous times in AIBU - (but have name-changed to avoid outing) with the resounding consensus bring LTB incidentally.... turned up at my child's school at midday and collected him.

He has taken him away (I don't know where for certain) and told me I am not allowed to see him.

My child has no clothes - only school uniform he was wearing. Ex is shacked up with an unhinged partner who has been abusive to me and prevented me going to her home or she will call the police. So if my child is there, I am effectively excluded from seeing him.

I am pretty sure ex cannot do this as we have recently separated and DS was living with me, with visits / access / I paid for an overnight stay in hotel recently to prevent DS having contact with deranged woman.

No formal contact arrangements have been made but I feel it's grossly unfair to deprive DS of half day school for no reason (surprised school let him go tbh...) and to prevent me from seeing my child. He is poisoning his mind and manipulating DS against me.

I am getting legal advice today.

Would really welcome MN opinions and advice.

[Ozziewozzie]

It’s an awful situation for you, not to mention for your child.
The stupid thing is, this happened to me, although ex returned dc next day.
When he’d picked dc up he shouted out car window, ‘you’re never seeing kids again’ I was distraught. I immediately went down to police station and they said there is nothing they can do. They said I’d have to go to court to get dc back. He hadn’t broken any laws as dc were still within British constituency. If he were to take dc abroad, he can be charged with abduction.
Definately seek legal advice. If you feel one bit worried about environment they are in, then tell solicitor. Also removing dc from school will go against him.
I spoke to school and made it clear that he was not permitted ever to collect dc from school for any reason. If he tried, they were to contact me immediately. School agreed to this.
His behaviour will go against him and if he’s not careful the court will decide he can only have contact in a contact centre as it is seen to be highly disruptive and upsetting to dc to be linched from stable home.
Be warned though, my ex said I was mentally unstable and a danger to my dc. Thankfully judge is used to this.
I wish you all the luck in the world. Don’t give up!!

[kenwoodleft]

Thank you Ozzie. Strangely enough I am also 'mentally deranged and not safe to look after ds'...

I imagine (hope) the courts will be used to hearing this kind of bullshit.

I have a long history of abuse and consulted solicitor ages ago before divorce. So have evidence.

[SingaporeSlinky]

Have you called school to find out if ex brought your DS to school this morning? Did school call you yesterday, or did you turn up at normal pick up time to find out he’d already been collected? What reason did ex give to school for taking him? You definitely need some kind of agreement with school about who is authorised to take him, given he’s living with you. If he hasn’t taken him back to school today, you’ll probably be held jointly accountable for his absence.
I don’t know the legalities, sorry.

[Ozziewozzie]

The courts were brilliant in my case. Also I had a really wise solicitor. Whatever you do, don’t mention money in court. Judges hate that. Just focus purely on what’s best for dc. Also DO NOT retaliate to ex with accusations. My solicitor said, just stand in court and only speak when spoken to. The court will need evidence from ex to qualify his accusations. As he’s unlikely to have any, he will simply just shoot himself in the foot. Try really hard not to express anger or rage in court. Just show warmth and concern for dc. It sounds simple, but it was hard as some of the things ex said to judge, I frankly wanted to jump over the table and smash his face in ( metaphorically speaking) Just show you have no temper, your only interests are dc. Your only concern is the impact taking them with no warning from school had on dc. Moving forward, you’ll have concern of happening again. State you are more than happy for ex to see dc but things need to put in place to prevent a repeat performance, ie residency order with strict contact. X

[ExFury]

Your legal advisor today will tell you how to get into court quickly and get things sorted.

You definitely need some kind of agreement with school about who is authorised to take him, given he’s living with you.

Schools cannot prevent some with PR from taking their child. It doesn’t matter where they live. Without a court order either parent can take the child.

[Lizzie48]

This is a nightmare situation to be facing, I hope it gets resolved quickly.

Hopefully your DS is in school today and you'll be able to pick him up as normal later. I agree with PPs who say you really have to get legal advice on this.

[willthedoctorchaseme]

Does he have PR?

[willthedoctorchaseme]

Also, you should repost in Legal where you will get advice from legally qualified posters, as an example, he can take him, if he has PR, the school can't stop him, in the absence of a court order to the contrary.

Sorry. I know that isn't what you want to hear.

[LagunaBubbles]

Hope things get sorted today for you OP.

[Doyoumind]

I hope you get good legal advice. I spoke to a couple of solicitors before finding someone I had confidence in. If you feel unsure about the solicitor don't be scared to look elsewhere. It will pay off in the long run.

You say you have evidence about your ex being abusive. Unless the police or SS have been involved and he poses a physical threat to your DS I am sorry to say it counts for nothing in the courts. It's so unfair but that's the way it is.

[bluetissuepaper]

Hope things get sorted for you today, OP

[maddening]

Def seek legal advice