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Children giving up their seats..

(448 Posts)
whatsthepointthen Tue 13-Nov-18 10:13:08

I was on the bus this morning and my 2 children were sat in the seats, this is a small bus and gets very busy. After a few stops an older woman got on and kept loudly bitching that my kids didnt give up their seats and shaking her head.

for context my son fell on this exact bus flat on his back and banged his head on the floor a few months back as he was standing up (and holding on) but the bus whizzed round a corner so now i try to make sure they always get a seat.

Should children always give up their seats for an older person? wibu for not making them?

Hermagsjesty Tue 13-Nov-18 10:26:08

I’d expect my 6yo to stand up for an older person who was struggling but not my 4yo - who doesn’t have the balance to yet and would definitely be at risk of falling over. But to be fair, you’d hope one of the other able-bodies adults on the bus would’ve stood up. I definitely don’t think kids should automatically be the ones to stand - that isn’t why they travel for free - because as you say, older people travel for free too.

MandalaYogaTapestry Tue 13-Nov-18 10:26:24

Who was occupying the other priority seats?

LuggsaysNotaWomen Tue 13-Nov-18 10:26:36

Were there not other adults who could have vacated their seat for an elderly lady?

I always find it bizarre that the people who are compelled to give up their seat for a vulnerable passenger, are other vulnerable passengers rather than, for example strapping twenty year olds.

That said, if no other fucker was offering, I probably would get my kids to share a seat and let her sit down if possible.

HouseOnTheLake Tue 13-Nov-18 10:27:10

YWBU to let your DC take up two seats when there were older people who couldn't sit down.

DianaXXX Tue 13-Nov-18 10:27:26

I was on a one decker bus this morning taking my 6 year old to school
Very busy bus as goes through kings cross.
An older lady got on a bus so I took my son on the lap and gave her up a seat
However with my children being 3 and 6 I wouldn't exeoect them to give up a seat for anyone at that age it's 45 min bus ride for them.

ScreamingValenta Tue 13-Nov-18 10:27:45

There's a lot of variance in how fit someone in their 60s might be, but if this woman was making it clear she needed a seat, she should have been offered one.

You don't say what other passengers were on the bus (obviously not expecting you to give a list!) but I would class your children amongst those who might reasonably be expected to give up a seat for a pensioner.

whatsthepointthen Tue 13-Nov-18 10:27:52

yes i would have used the term “bitching” whats your point? she was making rude comments throughout the entire journey and then started speaking to another woman about them (tbh that made me more likely to not tell them to move.) I was never offered a seat in any of my pregnancies i wouldnt dream of bitching about it though. also she could have asked for a seat rather than making rude comments.

CakeBiscuit Tue 13-Nov-18 10:28:44

Well, unless she was struggling to stand I don’t think being in her 60s makes her more worthy of a seat than a child.

Personally, I don’t get why some people think a child should be the first to give up their seat for an elderly person. Why should they?

Surely it makes far more sense for an able bodied adult to stand up than a child of 4 or 6.

whatsthepointthen Tue 13-Nov-18 10:29:31

You don't say what other passengers were on the bus (obviously not expecting you to give a list!) but I would class your children amongst those who might reasonably be expected to give up a seat for a pensioner. I didnt want to be seen as “drip feeding” but someone did offer her a seat at one point but she refused and said something about being glad when its half term.

80sMum Tue 13-Nov-18 10:30:03

The lady was of the same generation as me then, OP. She was most probably brought up to believe that adults should always take priority over children, as I was.

When I was a child, there was no question that I would be expected automatically to relinquish my seat on a crowded bus or train to any adult who got on. It was just ingrained in our psyche that adults' needs came first.

Nowadays, the reverse seems to be true and children's needs tend to trump those of adults most of the time.

Ragwort Tue 13-Nov-18 10:30:44

I would expect the two kids to bunch up or certainly the six year old should stand up. I always told my DS to stand up for a woman or an older man & now as a teenager he always leaps up to offer people his seat.

sylviec Tue 13-Nov-18 10:31:18

Children and babies are people too and have rights too. If they were there first and the woman wasn't unable to stand then I don't see the problem with children using the seats.

greendale17 Tue 13-Nov-18 10:31:26

YANBI- And what about all the other adults on the bus? Were they not capable of offering their seat. I like how the old women singled out your kids and not anyone else on the bus.

whatsthepointthen Tue 13-Nov-18 10:32:18

exactly CakeBiscuit not everyone on the bus was elderly pregnant and disabled. she seemed to take offence to my children specifically. If my child hadnt have falled and banged his head on the floor then maybe I would have felt differently but he did and we were forced to get off and walk the rest of the way.

AvoidingDM Tue 13-Nov-18 10:33:35

I would think another able bodied adult should have stood.
I also have a fear of young children being thrown around on buses. Yes I would say 4 and 6 are young kids. Maybe when they get to 10 I'd think different but no i wouldn't expect a 4 or 6 yo to hold on well enough or not start acting daft.

ScreamingValenta Tue 13-Nov-18 10:34:05

I didnt want to be seen as “drip feeding” but someone did offer her a seat at one point but she refused

That is quite a drip feed grin. If she had been offered a seat and had refused it, she was unreasonable to complain.

I agree with 80sMum when she says When I was a child, there was no question that I would be expected automatically to relinquish my seat on a crowded bus or train to any adult who got on. It was just ingrained in our psyche that adults' needs came first. That was exactly how it was in my childhood, too.

TuckMyWin Tue 13-Nov-18 10:34:22

I don't think it's a case of children's needs trumping adults, but more who is more capable of standing without it posing a danger to them. I don't think your average 4 year old is strong enough to stand on a bus without being at risk of falling. Possibly not a 6 year old either. The OP has already said her child has previously fallen on a bus. Personally, I would give up my seat for a small child standing, as it's safer. Same for an older person (most 60 year olds I know would be offended to classed as old enough to be offered a seat though, I reckon). I would, however, expect a 4 and a 6 year old to share a seat if possible, or sit on an adult's lap (I recognise you were standing, OP. Unlike some I can read ;) )

Aquilla Tue 13-Nov-18 10:34:38

The six year old should be standing. If he fell he obviously wasn't holding on properly. Poor thing though! Bet he had a fright.

FrancisCrawford Tue 13-Nov-18 10:34:49

I’d expect the six year old to stand for an older lady.
That’s just basic consideration.
Can your six year old ride a scooter? If so, he’s got a sense of balance.

Why didn’t you sit with the four year old on your lap, leaving a seat for this older lady?

MrsEricBana Tue 13-Nov-18 10:35:09

I'm divided on this. I was on a bus at a NT place the other day and was surprised that a lot of the seats were filled by kids while older adults stood but I do accept that a wobbly person of any age be it v young or older should take priority, so maybe their young age was the trump card here.

CakeBiscuit Tue 13-Nov-18 10:36:10

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SilentIsla Tue 13-Nov-18 10:36:22

Children should give up their seats. It’s good manners.

ZackPizzazz Tue 13-Nov-18 10:38:03

My 3yo can't stand on a bus, he'd go flying, and my lap is generally fully occupied by a baby in a sling. Tbh though people always rush to offer HIM a seat if the bus is full when we get on.

My mum was of the "adults take precedence, walk first through doors" school of thought. It never made sense to me as a child and it doesn't now. Children and the elderly are both vulnerable and should take precedence over able-bodied adults.

SilentIsla Tue 13-Nov-18 10:38:06

If parents start from a position of ignorance, what chance do their children have? They won’t know any better.

PineappleTart Tue 13-Nov-18 10:38:42

I don't see why children specifically should offer up their seats. Besides she was offered a seat and refused. Children learn by example, I imagine everyone else just kept their head down and ignored her

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