AIBU same child gets chosen for everything at school

[bonfireheart]

I wanted to check whether anyone else would raise this with school. DD is in year 6 and everytime there are chances for roles of responsibility think 'school council' roles, or 'play leader' or external visitors coming in for a special project - the same girl gets chosen for the role. It's been going on since they were in year 1.
It's got so DD says well no point putting my name forward because we all know who is going to get it.
And I'm not just expecting DD to get them. All the kids in her year group are lovely, many who would benefit from the extra responsibility and boost to their confidence.
Would you raise it with the school?

[LemonSqueezy0]

Yes I would. But don't witch-hunt against any one child, just have a general chat about how to get all children involved and so on.

[GreenTulips]

It hasn't always been this way

It's quite shocking that the same children are pushed and the others feel worthless

Example - please use this -

A shy child could probably do with a speaking part in a play
A confident child doesn't need the practice

They should ask all of them to put their names in a hat and draw fairly

Some kids are annoying and expect to be first - they'll be in for a shock in high school

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

It's like that in every single across the UK and Internationally I don't doubt
The parents must be giving the school back handers.
I promise you won't be the only one who's clocked it.

[agirlhasnonameX]

Yup issue at most schools I think. At DCs it's usually kids of the PTA or kids that are very confident that get picked for roles. My DD and a group of her classmates actually spoke out against it, but don't think it will ever change.

[Lulutheboss]

Same experience in our school.
My son is a fairly quiet, hard working child who always goes beneath the radar. He didn’t get a single award for anything the entire time he was at primary school, whilst other children raked them in month after month. It’s quite sickening.

[MaisyPops]

I agree green.

By secondary you can tell who has been picked for everything. They find the shift to being a little fish in a big pond quite challenging because suddenly they don't get the best part, the best roles, the look at me responsibilities, the solos in choir etc.

Definitely speak to the school but avoid making it about one child.

[Bluelonerose]

The only way your guaranteed to get your child a part in our school is to join the pta.

Those kids get everything. Their parents also get reserved seats in the front row

[Tinty]

Every single TA's child in my DD's primary school got the main parts every year. Even in Year 5 when the teacher said it won't be the same people getting the main parts as last year. They still did!

[OhTheRoses]

I'm the parent of the DC who were always chosen. I did nothing to encourage it. DS had the main speaking part in reception assembly (he could read and had clear diction). Both could also sing so got those parts and were generally musical. DD could act; ds was sporty. They were in every picture, brochure, etc.

I spoke to the HT about it once. Evidently they were reliable, articulate, smiled, followed instructions, polite, learned lines, and cd do things that needed doing whilst allowing the teacher to focus on bringing along those who needed more help.

I remember a few cat's bum faces; I am sorry but it was embarassing for me too. I also recall a child who got a prize for every dressing up contest. Think world book day - her mum in yr 3 sent her in a shop bought outfit and she still got a prize. The mum was told they were conscious her dd needed a confidence boost and was often overshadowed by her little sister.

[Lulutheboss]

I was the secretary in our PTA and it made no difference to my children. Having said that, I wasn’t the usual PTA type, prancing around with my clip board and high viz vest!

[Racecardriver]

So far at my sons school it’s all been very fair. Each child gets a turn at everything but then again his class is quite small. When I was a child student elected positions would usually go to the same few children but when it came to things like acting as an usher etc it was either first come first serve of something that everyone who volunteered got to do.

[HaroldsSocalledBluetits]

This is normal but annoying. One excruciating year in particular the entire Xmas play consisted of this child having the only speaking part and the rest of them traipsing across the stage like her minions. Year 2 as well, so watching her monologue for half an hour was cringe boring as well. Some parents just make it their business to inviegle their way in there - this particular child's mother is now bloody 'business coordinator' whatever that means - it takes a level of commitment that the rest of us cba with so I think there's little you can do about it, unless you want to be like them - which I'm assuming you don't, as few people do. Presumably your child is getting something out of school and it's generally a positive experience? In that case they're winning. Encourage them to focus on their friends and their own achievements, whether trumpeted or not, because that's what matters really.

[chickywoo]

Ha this is so true always the pta kids, always in the front row
Now on my 4th dc in school I am starting to to really dislike the whole Xmas play thing. They spend the whole of November and beginning of December practicing and apart from the kids that have the main roles they are just sitting watching the others practice.
They should scrap it or maybe the teachers could put on a performance for the kids instead

[bigKiteFlying]

It's got so DD says well no point putting my name forward because we all know who is going to get it.

Possibly part of the problem - no one puts themselves forward any more.

I've come across odd teacher - so roughly a year or with drama group couple of years - where my DC weren't being considered but next teacher would then pick different range of children.

I'd focus on how to get your child more involved with the school.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

One girl a few years older than dd was always chosen for the main part in all the plays. The star of the show at every assembly.
Anyway the poor little one got to senior and all the kids turned against her. I suppose though if children are doing their best and constantly getting over looked that anger will always come out somewhere. I mean
if a child misbehaves we expect them to be punished.
So sometimes its better for them to just blend in.

[RedSkyLastNight]

Not the experience at DC's schools and this sounds appalling.
The schools went out of their way to encourage a range of children to take on different roles.

And I spent 7 years in the PTA and never got any special privileges because of it. I hate it when that line gets trotted out on these threads because I don't believe it is the norm.

[HaroldsSocalledBluetits]

Luckydiamond, similarly, my kids go to a theatre group which uses scripts specifically for equal ensembles rather than main parts + extras - there are loads of them for children's theatre. Shame that their school doesn't do likewise but I guess at least they're getting input like that elsewhere.

[flossieisbossy]

I was on the PTA and my children never got big parts and yes the same children got them year after year after year , after year
what would happen if you opted your children out , they'd have no sheep , shinning stars etc
Btw school councillor are supposed to be chosen by the pupils not the staff

[Taffeta]

I agree with the pp that said that the kids that are always picked may well struggle to adjust at secondary

I have one of each: one that was always picked (v sporty, bright, articulate ) and one that’s a shrinking violet and was consistently passed over

Guess who settled into secondary the best?!

My shrinking violet is often picked for stuff now (much to her horror!!) and nominated for awards that showcase her values - funnily enough at her secondary she stands out because she’s not jazz hands/lookatme/ precious snowflake who’s always had all the attention. Loving her secondary school!

[Stringofpearls]

Ahhh I remember those school days where this was a common occurrence! One girl used to be picked for everything, they even changed the rules so she could win extra end of year prizes rather than the 2p/p limit as she was just so good I remember feeling the same as your daughter, why bother trying? Definitely have a general chat with the school about being more inclusive.

[FishCanFly]

Easy way for teachers - "stars" are usually fine to work with and guaranteed to perform well. Annoying but... if you want your child to shine, take them somewhere out of school for performing arts. Because in RL nobody gives a shiny shit that you played a donkey in a primary school Xmas pageant.

[QuitMoaning]

I was a governor at my son’s primary and on the PTA at his secondary and he never got a part in anything.

What did I do wrong?
Apart from having a child whose acting was not good and singing scared people.
(Brilliant at science and maths, not so good in the dramatic arts😂)

[thecatsthecats]

I was the opposite. My year 6 teacher hated me. She gave children in Y5 bigger parts than me in the final Christmas play, and was so bitchy to me that it was a standing joke between our friend group.

For the record, I was obedient, and a top performer.

At the play, my friend had a complete crisis of nerves, so my one or two lines (memorised immediately) turned into me (playing her 'adviser' anyway), whispering every line in her ear on stage. Some of the parents thought it was a satire