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Not sure what to do? Awkward situation

(130 Posts)
Slipp3rs Thu 08-Nov-18 19:32:42

I have no children but my DB has 4 and my SIL has 1 (age 6)

My DB has told me to buy his kids something small as he has 4 kids and it’s expensive so I’ve chosen a joint present.

My SIL has sent me a list for her child and I’ve chosen something and bought off the list.

I’m now feeling a bit bad as I can’t afford to buy my DBs 4 children the same as I’ve bought SIL’s child as there are 4 of them and it was be really expensive to buy 4 of what I’ve bought SILs child.

I’m a bit worried that they will all open their presents at the same time (DB children are similar age) and the children will see that one has a much better present than the others.

Aibu - but my BIL told me not to spend much.

Candlelights2345 Thu 08-Nov-18 19:36:14

I guess it’s fair, we do tend to spend Slightly less each on my sisters children as there are more of them. . Tbh any kids out of my family complained x had got a better present than them in the same circs they would be told in no uncertain terms it’s becuase there’s more of them.

Iaimtomisbehave1 Thu 08-Nov-18 19:37:33

Are the children in the same house? 4 kids of your brother and his stepkid (so your SIL kid)... or are these separate families?

If the same family unit, then this is a big mistake. If separate sides of the family then you might get away with it, but you really should spend equally on all the kids.

explodingkittensexpansion Thu 08-Nov-18 19:39:08

I spend the same regardless of family size. Someone with 2 may have 4 next year.

Slipp3rs Thu 08-Nov-18 19:39:37

They are all his children. They are 7,5 and 2 year old twins

PhilODox Thu 08-Nov-18 19:39:58

Personally, I would split the amount of money I have to spend five ways, and buy them something they like each.
How is it your DB's children's fault that there's four of them?
It seems massively unfair spending X on one child and X between four!

SuchAToDo Thu 08-Nov-18 19:40:00

Take present back to shop with receipt, get refund, and buy kids something of equal value then one is getting better present than the other kids

NoSquirrels Thu 08-Nov-18 19:40:32

I’d spend the same on all nephews and nieces regardless of whose child they were or how many siblings they had. If that meant they were all having a slightly smaller gift so be it.

I couldn’t give one cousin more than the others.

SuchAToDo Thu 08-Nov-18 19:40:33

*isn't...not is

Laiste Thu 08-Nov-18 19:40:33

Can you tell us what you've bought them? Does the joint present have wow factor?

Candlelights2345 Thu 08-Nov-18 19:41:24

Ah if they’re all his children, in the same house I think you need to spend the same amount on each.

AnonyMousee Thu 08-Nov-18 19:41:39

I would allocate money per child, ie each child has a gift the value of around £20. There's no way that can be unfair. They're all your nieces/nephew regardless of who fathered/mothered them, so they get equal presents

sweeneytoddsrazor Thu 08-Nov-18 19:41:55

If you have a total of £100 to spend on 5 children it should be £20 each.

Shoobydooby09 Thu 08-Nov-18 19:42:13

Who's is the 6yro?

Racecardriver Thu 08-Nov-18 19:42:31

Did you ask your sister for a list? If not I would just ignore it buy something of similar value.

Trills Thu 08-Nov-18 19:43:28

I can’t afford to buy my DBs 4 children the same as I’ve bought SIL’s child as there are 4 of them

You could if you take your budget for "niece/nephew presents", divide it in 5, and only buy them something for up to that price.

It's up to you whether you decide to do that.

You might also think that "price per person" is not a great way to think about how "good" a present is.

Maybe they benefit by getting a shared "good present" (maybe a board game or something) whereas SIL's child has no-one to share with so you'd have to spend more per child to give that same game.

jarhead123 Thu 08-Nov-18 19:43:49

I tend to spend similar on each niece or nephew, regardless of which has siblings and which doesn't!

Iaimtomisbehave1 Thu 08-Nov-18 19:44:21

I know the 4 are all his children, but then there is a 5th child who is your SIL's. Are they all on the same house (blended family) or are they in separate houses (so SIL is not your brother's wife but related another way).

If they are separate families, then why would they be opening their presents together and seeing the big one for the 6 year old?

You will get away with it this time if the are separate. But if they are one blended family or will spend Xmas day together, then there might be a wee issue.

NotANotMan Thu 08-Nov-18 19:44:38

That's not fair really. You should divide the budget more fairly, with the bulk going to the 4 siblings

Angrybird345 Thu 08-Nov-18 19:44:39

You should spend the same amount on each kid, regardless of parent!!! Therefore Yabu.

LemonSqueezy0 Thu 08-Nov-18 19:45:26

I spend the same amount/get similar sized gifts for each child individually, not depending how many siblings each child has! That seems a bit random tbh. They are all your neices and nephews, it's definitely easier.

That being said, if I can get a gift that's worth say £30 for £20 I don't spend the other £10 iyswim. They all get treated fairly rather than worrying down the last 56p. But if you say there's a noticeable difference, then you probably could've been fairer...

Iaimtomisbehave1 Thu 08-Nov-18 19:45:35

And if someone sends you a list and the items are above your budget, then you just say it's above your budget.

Spend the same on each kid.

Santaispolishinghissleigh Thu 08-Nov-18 19:46:05

When I had a 4 th my sil told me that she wasn't buying for 4 so she wasn't buying for any now.
In front of dc.
She expected everyone to buy when she ended up with 6 though!!
She was my ex sil by them though!!
Personally I would spend the same on all even if that was a smaller amount each.

Shoobydooby09 Thu 08-Nov-18 19:47:02

What have you managed to buy as a joint present that suits a 7, 5 and 2yro?

tootiredtospeak Thu 08-Nov-18 19:49:03

If you have say spent 10 each on them and then 40 on the other child thats fair but if its a lot nore than youve spent on them ie 100 that would seem unkind.

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