AIBU to have taken DD (11) to get her legs waxed?

(108 Posts)
toobusytothink Thu 25-Oct-18 07:09:19

They were very hairy and she has been begging me to let her shave for ages

OP’s posts: |
DollyMc Sat 27-Oct-18 12:45:46

Good on you. I took my daughter at 9 years old. Unfortunately she takes after me. I was teased at school for years. Waxing was like shaving the thick black spiky hairs would be back in a week. I then got them lasered. IPL didn’t work but a laser shop opened in my local shopping centre and I’m sure it’s called a diode laser. The day she came home and she had bald patches on her legs and she told me she sat at playtime on her own pulling them out because people were asking her if she was a boy was the day she got waxed. She did say it hurt but we tried it and I wished we carried on but I have to respect what she says and we now use hair removal cream. But the laser shop told me that a year after she starts her periods they can laser her legs. She will be booked in and she cannot wait.

Bishalisha Thu 25-Oct-18 22:50:31

Also just recalled attempting to trim the monobrow hair with toe nail clipper too.

Bishalisha Thu 25-Oct-18 22:49:28

You did the right thing.

I had a monobrow and moustache pretty much from birth, as well as dark body hair. And buck teeth. I was bullied terribly abut it all throughout school.

My mum wouldn’t let me do anything about it and honestly- I can’t see any reasonable explanation as to why. She’s not a feminist (she says) so there was no principals she was imposing on me. It honestly make my life hell. I started shaving and trimming the hairs with my dads razor and a pair of nail scissors and when she found out I was eventually allowed to shave.

I then gradually developed the confidence to not give a fuck what anyone thinks and regularly rock hairy legs and a mono brow/Tash through sheer lazyness.

I will not be imposing that on my daughters, if they are uncomfortable with their body and facial hair if/when they develop it then I will let the remove it straight away. They’ve got the most awkward years ahead of them and if it helps then navigate them more comfortably then so be it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Frankswife87 Thu 25-Oct-18 22:46:18

Op I wish you had been my mum! I was incredibly hairy like a yetti and my parents refused to even let me shave, I can remember crying at p.e time because of getting teased because of my hairy legs and im quite bitter about it now. Yanbu smile

Powerless Thu 25-Oct-18 22:41:13

As for epilation and waxing - the best time to do it is after your period! Your hair is at a part of its growth cycle that means it's MUCH less painful to pull out!! About 4 days after your period

BillywigSting Thu 25-Oct-18 22:10:43

Yanbu at all.

My mum bought me those peel apart wax strips that hurt like a bastard.

I didn't wax again for ages until I had my eyebrows waxed as a favour for a friend who needed to practice, and it didn't hurt a bit.

Went to get a proper hot wax or my legs a week later and it also didn't hurt, not looked back since.

I'm so glad for your daughter that you aren't mucking about trying to put it off or fob her off.

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RoseGoldEagle Thu 25-Oct-18 20:47:41

I agree it’s sad many women (me included) feel we have to have hairless legs to be attractive/not stand out, but that is the society we live in, your DD (and the kids who are teasing her) will see smooth legged women in magazines and on adverts and out and about in real life. So it seems pointless to me to try and convince them not to feel self conscious about it, when most adults I know do, and when in a few years we know they’ll definitely be getting rid of that hair. So no, I don’t think YABU at all, I think good on you for listening to your DD.

agnurse Thu 25-Oct-18 15:48:15

To me, hair removal is a very personal thing which is why I never set an age for it. DSD has been shaving for about a year and she's 14.

DioneTheDiabolist Thu 25-Oct-18 15:11:34

I think very few 11 year olds have the confidence to stand up for a feminist agenda! There's so much else to get to grips with...

I agree SharpLily. And I think it's unfair to ask them, especially when many adults feminists shave. Of course we should be building their confidence and self esteem. The OP has done this by listening to her daughter, who will be more confident in PE this week.

Ennirem Thu 25-Oct-18 14:43:47

@PavolvaFaith

I think it's seen as a bit of a taboo to inflict any pain on your child.

Ummm.... yes?

Unicornandbows Thu 25-Oct-18 14:38:36

I have no problem with waxing however find epilator a lot more painful so I tend to wax and in between do épilation which helps keep the cost down

RiverTam Thu 25-Oct-18 14:33:28

I think it's an absolute shame that she felt this way, and says a lot about our society, but I think you did the right thing. It is not for a young girl to take on the patriarchy!

Cambalamb Thu 25-Oct-18 14:30:23

I'd have taught her how to shave them .

SeeTwoTo Thu 25-Oct-18 14:15:47

Thanks toobusytoothink I’ll book in a hot wax if it ever starts to bother her.
Indeed Ennirm smile

PavlovaFaith Thu 25-Oct-18 13:51:33

I wax people for a living. I wish more parents would make waxing a viable option to teens. I think it's seen as a bit of a taboo to inflict any pain on your child. As long as you haven't made her do it I really don't see the issue.

Racecardriver Thu 25-Oct-18 12:55:09

Well given she had been asking persistently and isn’t that young I don’t see any issue. I am the first to say that suggesting any form of body modification whether temporary or not to appease bullies is bad parenting but if a child requests hair removal of their own accord and they continue to want it over a prolonged period of time then I just see that as respecting Heir bodily autonomy. Obviously it’s not ideal but you can’t expect an 11 year old to deal with bullying the way an adult would and so long as you aren’t adding pressure to do this I don’t seduce it can reasonably be perceived as wrong.

jillowarriorqueen Thu 25-Oct-18 12:54:24

And I make my comment, quite aware of the feminist principles outlined by some of the posters here (which I absolutely agree with). However, I think whilst we should be instilling these ideas into our girls (of loving our natural bodies), it's not fair to impose them on them at such a vulnerable age when their bodies are changing. To go au natural or to pander to society's desire to see women without body hair is something they can decide for themselves down the line maybe? It's an ongoing discussion to have as they are growing up perhaps.

jillowarriorqueen Thu 25-Oct-18 12:47:14

My DD had some upper lip hair at that age. She was very self-conscious about it and had it waxed a few times. It doesn't seem to trouble her any more now. Not sure if the waxing helped longer term or her hormones just settled down.
YANBU OP - just a thoughtful mother who wants her child to feel comfortable with herself.

Rebecca36 Thu 25-Oct-18 11:19:17

Good idea. I had very hairy legs at eleven and shaved them from that age. Funnily enough, once I was an adult the hairs were far less. Must be something to do with coming up to puberty.

Anyway, good for you. It's nice that your daughter takes some pride in her appearance and it is pleasant to have smooth legs. You'll have to take her back for waxing regularly though.

AllAtHome Thu 25-Oct-18 11:10:21

Good job it’s leg hair and not too fat/ too thin/ too short/ too tall/ wrong hair colour/ wrong accent etc

Woe betide you try and alter (or worry where it can’t be altered) about any of those...

I really notice the answers on the worried about (children or adult) being too fat or too short. They have to be body empowered and proud of themselves...

Angelil Thu 25-Oct-18 11:06:00

People are missing the point in this thread I feel.

I was bullied horribly throughout my entire time at school and face/body hair just added to the list of reasons for people to pick on me (I had excess facial hair from about the age of 15...again, thanks PCOS).

The MOST important thing in all of this...feminist principles etc aside...(and I went to an all-girls' school so we were always encouraged that girls could do anything they wanted...and arguably other girls/women should have been more understanding of the face/body hair issue!)...is to BE HAPPY. Yep.

If getting rid of the excess face/body hair makes a girl/woman happier in herself then that is the MOST important thing. End of.

user1499173618 Thu 25-Oct-18 11:04:30

shock

So much for free speech. MN is not what it once was.

SharpLily Thu 25-Oct-18 10:26:31

I'm only posing the question because intellectually it bothers me.

I completely agree with everything you're saying, @Ennirem, but in raising my daughter I'm calling on my own experiences because that's all I have. We speak regularly about kindness, about how it's OK to be different etc., and these things are important because she lives in a country where she looks different to those around her but in a way that's prized and makes her popular rather than bullied so I try to be very clear that she is valued for what's inside far more than her appearance.

Having not enjoyed the same in my childhood, I'm also working hard on instilling self-esteem, self-respect and confidence. I love the idea that she will grow up happy to challenge the pressure to conform and be comfortable with herself, however she turns out. However if she does not, I don't think forcing her to endure taunts and teasing at that stage of her life is going to help her become that thing.

I have grown more confident as I'm older but at 11, 12, 13 there was absolutely no way I could stand up for myself and every time someone criticised me I wanted to conform more rather than less. I don't see it as my job to turn out a good feminist, a good politician or good human rights campaigner. I want to help her become whatever she is comfortable being and I'm not saying I know how to do that, but I know that in my case being teased for having hairy legs because I wan't allowed to do anything about it was not going to turn me into anything good, ever. I shall tell her everything you are saying but I shall also give her the choice to do what feels right for her.

toobusytothink Thu 25-Oct-18 09:46:41

I went to a very lovely place that did it with hot wax not strips and they patch tested her first etc. They obviously checked we were both certain wanted to have it done but otherwise no issues with her age.

I guess if I compare it to boob jobs etc - I do my legs (but only lower) bikini line and armpits but otherwise don’t wear make up or have any other treatments so in my eyes that’s where I draw the lie and what she sees as “the norm”

OP’s posts: |
ACatsNoHelpWithThat Thu 25-Oct-18 09:26:57

Epilator stung like anything the first time I used it but I feel barely a twinge now. Get her to try it again on the regrowth before it grows back too much, she'll probably find it ok.

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