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AIBU?

DP worried about me shouting at him in labour...

65 replies

LottieAnnwin · 20/10/2018 21:54

I'm being induced next week. I'm very nervous about it as haven't had a baby before and I know induction can (but isn't always) be very difficult.

I tried to have a conversation with DP tonight about how he could support me through labour. He doesn't seem that interested. All he asked about was whether I thought I was going to get annoyed with him and that if I would he would just end up getting irritated with me. Surely this is the one time I'm allowed to get annoyed with people? When I'm pushing a baby out of my vagina?

All he was worried about was him. How boring the hospital was going to be. How he's going to need sleep. Etc. He showed absolutely zero concern for me, at all! I don't want him to be bored, or tired, but quite frankly there are times when he will be and that's tough shit.

AIBU to be concerned by this ^ considering I'm being induced in a couple of days?

Really glad my mum is going to be there otherwise I would be completely freaking out at the idea of having a useless birth partner and nobody else!

OP posts:
Mammyloveswine · 20/10/2018 21:56

What a fucking arsehole... I'll be generous and say he's probably just panicking but really how is he otherwise? Is he generally a selfish prick??

LottieAnnwin · 20/10/2018 21:57

@Mammyloveswine he's not. That's the odd thing about it. He's been great throughout pregnancy. When we thought something was going awfully wrong he literally rubbed my back and told me how everything would be okay, all night. I just don't know what has got in to him.

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JoyfulMystery · 20/10/2018 21:58

Is he usually this selfish and insensitive?

Fluffyears · 20/10/2018 21:59

Leave him at home and have your mum with you, he sounds useless.

LottieAnnwin · 20/10/2018 21:59

@JoyfulMystery no! Never! I don't know what's happened! It's like he's had a major mood swing. He's never like this.

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RuggerHug · 20/10/2018 22:00

If he's generally lovely and normal could he be panicing that he'll be useless to you and saying it out loud when he shouldn't be? Personally I'd say if he felt like his needs were first then he should stay away since you'll have your Mam to help. Might snap him into gear.

LottieAnnwin · 20/10/2018 22:00

@Fluffyears I'm just so shocked that he's even said those things to me. I didn't know how to react. Hes never usually like this and I don't know what's got in to him (panic maybe?)

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Absofrigginlootly · 20/10/2018 22:01

talk to him. Ask him why he’s behaving like a twat. You’re going to be parents soon. He’s your life partner.....communicate!!

LottieAnnwin · 20/10/2018 22:02

@Absofrigginlootly I want to but not tonight. I need sleep. Tomorrow I will. I don't see how I can't to be honest as I need reassurance.

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moredoll · 20/10/2018 22:02

If he's usually good he's scared and trying not to show it is my guess. Your mum will be there and hopefully that will help calm him down. It's fine for you to shout - the staff are used to that.

BikeRunSki · 20/10/2018 22:03

He’s probably terrified, or unaware, or terrified because he realises that he is not aware of what to expect.

MissusGeneHunt · 20/10/2018 22:03

He's scared, and doesn't know how to deal with the whole scenario. His very unfortunate reaction is to behave defensively but it's appearing to be twatish behaviour. If you can get him to talk, all the better. Bad luck OP, I hope it resolves itself, and he comes into his own. Very best of luck for the birth, be excited, and concentrate on you Flowers

Aquamarine1029 · 20/10/2018 22:04

I don't have much hope for your future with this absolute twat.

LottieAnnwin · 20/10/2018 22:05

Not sure he's scared about the birth. I feel like he doesn't want to be there. He just wants the end result - a baby. The one thing I know he IS worried about is whether the baby is okay. He keeps repeating this over and over. I'm worried about this too, but I still need to go through the birth to find out. I'm feeling extremely sad and nervous that I may not feel supported. I actually feel a bit panicky about it...

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LuluJakey1 · 20/10/2018 22:05

Is it just his way if showing his anxiety?

DH took a picnic to the hospital when we had DS. He drove me mad but was trying really hard to be lovely. The midwife said DS would be there in the next few pushes and DH offered me a sandwich. I definitely swore at him.

E20mom · 20/10/2018 22:05

He needs to grow up

Runnynosehunny · 20/10/2018 22:07

Tell him you are shocked at how selfish he sounds and ask him if you should give his head a hard wobble.
Maybe that will snap him out of it.

LuckyDiamond · 20/10/2018 22:09

He’s just being anxious I think. He’ll be fine on the day.

My midwife gave my DH the “jobs” of repeating everything she said to me and reading the monitors. Made him feel useful.

Mucky1 · 20/10/2018 22:09

When he's there in the moment with the midwifes looking after you the gravitas of the situation will hit Home.
Give him a chance he doesn't know what to expect and is probably terrified.

Munchyseeds · 20/10/2018 22:10

It sounds as if he is scared and does not want to be there
I think I would tell him he can stay home and just have DM there
Hope he is better when the baby actually arrives!
Good luck

Ennirem · 20/10/2018 22:10

Tbh he doesn't sound like the person you want in the room for this. You've got your mum. If he's usually wonderful and this is out of the blue and out of character, idvtslk to him more tomorrow but if you don't get anywhere just tell him his attitude is unsupportive and not needed in your labour room. He can sit at home and wait for the news, or hang around in the waiting room, but anyone who is not 100% focussed on you and that baby has no place in that room. Take it from me who learned this the hard way.

If he does still end up in there, please feel free to swear a sailor's shanty to him - it fucking hurts and you're allowed. He doesn't like it he can do one.

LottieAnnwin · 20/10/2018 22:11

Completely forgot to add. He's had a baby before! 9 years ago. It was a c section which was planned however so not quite the same, but he has had a child before.

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DirtyCurtains1 · 20/10/2018 22:12

I also believe in the 'he's scared' posts. My DH was somewhat useless even though he had two children before I had ours together. He said these things often but when it came down to it I honestly would have been lost without him. He is usually quite loving and supportive etc an very much made sure I'm ok, but after these 'jokes' it made me very nervous!

He was fab. As was my mum. Without them I can honestly say I may not have been here today! I was also induced and I had quite a challenging time as my little bundle of joy decided to make it difficult!

But seriously, I could have written this post myself just before she was born and I swear nothing I dreaded cake true at all.

Good luck!!! X

LuluJakey1 · 20/10/2018 22:15

He also said I was hurting his hand when I squeezed it, and he got a bit woozy at one point and the midwife pushed him into a chair and told him to pull himself together because we were busy with more important things. He had brought music for us to listen to and quizes to do- we did none of it. He talked too much as well.
But he was very supportive and did everything I asked and was great in the last bit and in the bit when I cried and said I had changed my mind.

I think he just didn't know what to do. TBH it isn't the most interesting thing in the world in the early stages, watching someone having contractions. If it went on for hours and hours I could see how it would get boring for someone in the room. I dozed for a couple of hours once we arrived and then it happened within a couple of hours of that.

He was much easier second time around when DD was born. Unflappable. I had to wait to go to the hospital until he and the gardener had finished cutting the hedge!

You'll be fine and I bet he is fine too. Worrying about it is worse than when it happens for most people.

GreenMeerkat · 20/10/2018 22:15

Yes I think he's probably scared but so are you... and YOU are the one having the baby! Can you take your mum in too? I think you need a birth partner who can remain supportive of you the whole time, and actually understands what you are going through.

The midwives won't let him give you a hard time though, so don't worry about that.

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