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... to override my sons's list of who to invite to his party??

(110 Posts)
QwertyLou Fri 19-Oct-18 05:53:25

DS is turning 4 soon so party prep is underway. I printed invitations and was going to slip them in the kids' book bags (4-5 kids, his closest friends). There was an invite waiting in my sons' locker, for a party the weekend before his (whole class is invited).

normally I would just print an extra invite for this other child too. But I now realise that she is the only one (out of 23) that my son does not like! ("She hits people"). Son does not want to extend the invitation but I still feel like we should... AIBU?

Other dilemma is that my son really wants to invite (made up names)... Mr Tom, Mrs Lee, Mr Rob, Miss Clare and Mr Ben!! (his teachers, whom he adores)

Mr Tom is one of the invited kid's dads so he is coming. Mrs Lee is this other party child's mom so if we DO invite other child, she will come.

But as for the rest.. I think inviting them might be inappropriate (?). I know they are fond of DS (he's "so happy and easy" a few have said) BUT they're around these kids all week. I am sure they don't want to spend two hours on a Saturday with them.

Educators of Mumsnet, do you agree?? When kids invite you to their parties, do you inwardly groan or just smile and politely decline (or accept)?? I'm inclined to override DS and not invite them... AIBU?

Penisbeakerismyfavethread Fri 19-Oct-18 05:58:40

I’ve just left classroom teaching for an Lea education type job. When I taught never ever go to a kids party. Unless it was to a child who I would’ve known had I not been a teacher eg DN, or my best friends DC

JessicaJonesJacket Fri 19-Oct-18 05:59:05

I've never heard of a child inviting a teacher to their party. Yy it's sweet that your son adores them but parties aren't for teachers.
As for the child who 'hits, if your DS is frightened of them then don't invite them. If he isn't, then invite them. Lots of 3 and 4 yr olds go through hitting phases.

Returnofthesmileybar Fri 19-Oct-18 06:02:35

If you accept the party for the girl who's party is the week before then yes I would reciprocate. If you don't go it's fine not to extend the invite as you are having a small party.

Don't invite the teachers, it's putting them under pressure to buy a gift and no adult is going to want to go to a work child's birthday on their day off imo. Do you send in a cake for the class usually? That will sort that if you do, if not just explain that they are adults and it's a kids party

Returnofthesmileybar Fri 19-Oct-18 06:03:29

*accept the invite

Soontobe60 Fri 19-Oct-18 06:04:15

As you're only inviting a few children, then he chooses.
It's nice that he wants to invite teachers. I've had lots of invites to parties off children I taught. I always politely decline with a plausible excuse.

TheDowagerCuntess Fri 19-Oct-18 06:06:47

Yes, inviting teachers is inappropriate. Fob him off and he'll forget about it. Don't ask them - it puts them in an awkward position, no matter how fond of him they are. It's work for them.

Monty27 Fri 19-Oct-18 06:09:56

Teachers? Really?
Well that's a new one to me.
You do what your DS wants, it's his birthday after all. Not yours.
Frankly I can't make head nor tail of it confused

SilverLining10 Fri 19-Oct-18 06:11:55

It's very inappropriate to invite teachers and I cant imagine they would even accept! Just keep to the small numbers if you arent doing whole class parties and dont invite teachers confused

thewayoftheplatypus Fri 19-Oct-18 06:14:32

I wouldn’t invite the teachers- never heard that one before!
Re: the other girl. If she is having a whole class party then of course your DS would be invited. But that doesn’t mean the girl should automatically be invited to your sons party if he is only inviting 4/5 friends.

My son has been to 6 parties so far this school year. For his party next month he is only inviting 4 friends (and only 2 of those are reciprocal invitations). For such a small group, he should be allowed to choose his own invite list imo.

Caprisunorange Fri 19-Oct-18 06:15:55

Yes inappropriate to invite teachers. If it’s only 4-5 children then you don’t need to reciprocate invites as most people do whole class at this age so he’ll be invited to loads

Unicornandbows Fri 19-Oct-18 06:15:56

I don't think you should invite the girl.. You got to see it from his point of view she hits him! ? On his special day he doesn't need to be anxious or scared...

XiCi Fri 19-Oct-18 06:20:22

Surely you don't even need to ask about the teacher invites. I imagine it would be top of the list of things they would not want to do at the weekend. Really inappropriate to ask them to your child's party.

At age 4/5 most of the parties my dd went to were full class parties, just seems the done thing at that age but if you are only having a few kids over then I wouldnt feel bad about missing this girl out. He's likely to receive lots more whole class invites so it's not like you are singling her out from the rest of the class. There will be others he will receive invites from that will not be going to his party. Definitely wouldn't invite her if your DS doesn't like her.

shouldwestayorshouldwego Fri 19-Oct-18 06:20:47

Don't invite the teachers. Ask if you can send in some cakes for snack time to have at nursery.

Firstly he doesn't have to go to Miss Lee's party. My ds always very firmly declined invites to children he didn't like. Obviously I sugar coated it for the parents that we were unfortunately busy. Secondly there is no obligation to return invites. If they really don't get on it might be a bit stressful. Don't rely on Mrs Lee staying to control her child either. That was the age where a few started to be dropped off.

MirandaWest Fri 19-Oct-18 06:22:24

I don’t think you should invite the girl he doesn’t like. As he’s only inviting a few people there will be lots he doesn’t invite.

As for teachers then don’t invite them separately either.

MaverickSnoopy Fri 19-Oct-18 06:27:44

You don't need to invite the girl - most importantly because he doesn't like her and he hits her. I know it's important to try and encourage children to get on, but not at the expense of their enjoyment of their birthday party. (That being said if he doesn't like her then surely he won't go to her party.) Besides which if he was invited to 10 class parties, would you invite all 10 children to his party? You're having a very small party and so it's a different dynamic. If he were having a class party then it would definitely require more thought.

Don't invite the teachers. They won't want to come and it wouldn't be professional of them. Just tell your son that they're busy. He'll likely accept it and forget/move on anyway.

speakout Fri 19-Oct-18 06:28:51

No don't invite teachers.

I wouldn't worry about inviting the girl either.

If you are only inviting 4-5 friends it's not really a party anyway, just a jolly afternoon with a few friends.

tenorladybeaker Fri 19-Oct-18 06:37:28

You do not need to reciprocate invitations. The reciprocation fir being invited to a party is to take a nice gift. Especially if you are just having a small number of close friends you absolutely should not be inviting the kids whose parents are wealthy enough to have a whole-class party if they aren't good friends.

Certainly you shouldn't invite any adults.

angelicanto Fri 19-Oct-18 06:39:02

Yes you should override him. He is 4. 

finn1020 Fri 19-Oct-18 06:41:34

I wouldn’t invite her, it’s just a few friends not most of the class. And don’t invite the teachers, that’s work for them, there’s NO WAY they’d want to go. He’s your first child I guess? smile

Snowymountainsalways Fri 19-Oct-18 06:41:38

For a very small gathering it is not necessary to invite the child your son does not like, if it were a larger party then it would be polite to include her.

Do not invite the teachers, not matter how lovely your child they have better things to do than attend a kids party at the weekend!

Mummyoflittledragon Fri 19-Oct-18 06:42:06

Dd also wanted to invite her teachers at this age. Sweet but inappropriate. I agree with the consensus about the girl.

As for her party, are you going to accept? If you go you could perhaps see what is going on it’s this girl. Is she really hitting or was something she did to your ds an accident? Even if it was intentional children sometimes hit at this age and they are so young that they don’t really understand the implication of their actions.

donkeysandzebras Fri 19-Oct-18 06:42:51

6yo DS invited the teacher to his most recent party. What he didn't spot was that I'd written on it that I knew she wouldn't want to come but he didn't want her to feel left out - I think she may have said something shortly before this about what fun he was going to have when he's said he had two birthday parties to go to in a weekend. DS gave her the invitation, she thanked him, looked it and said she was really sorry but she already had plans that day but she hoped he had a lot of fun and that they'd sing Happy Birthday to him in class on his actual birthday. In case it matters, DS has always "been a pleasure to teach", a "delight to have in the classroom" etc. All this really means is that he generally gets on with his work, doesn't chat or get involved in class silliness to much, doesn't hit/bite/escape, is generally nice to others and hasn't puked on a teacher. The threshold for being "easy" is quite low, especially this early in Reception.
As for the extra guest, no, don't invite them. Some children have all class parties, some don't. If you're one of the ones who don't, you can't base your invitations on reciprocating those who have had whole class parties. After all, some of the whole class invitations may be tactical from the less popular children whose parents think not many will come so they are casting the net as wide as possible.

MaisyPops Fri 19-Oct-18 06:59:00

If he's having a small party of 4--5 friends then there's no need to invite the girl just because she invited him.

If it was a whole class party then I would probably invite.

Absolutely don't invite teacehrs though.

PumpkinSpiced Fri 19-Oct-18 07:03:13

It’s his party not yours, you don’t get to invite someone especially if he’s given you a legitimate reason like ‘she hits people’.

As for inviting teachers, did you really need to ask? Not only is it wholly inappropriate (expect in circumstances like their child being at the party too as you said) I’m sure that teachers have better things to do on their precious days off. 🙈

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