Aibu or possibly ungrateful GIFTS!

[blueberryandrhubarb]

NC as I know SIL is on here.

So that I don't drip feed I'll start by saying I have a very limited conversation with MIL. She has done some things in the past that when I posted on here people agreed with me she was out of order. However we have put this behind us and while I accept I won't ever get an apology I have decided to move forward for the sake of my dh and any future gc. I currently see her once every few months (we live about 4-5 hours away) and I remind my dh to keep in touch with her etc.

This works for us (most of the time!).

Anyway yesterday I got a text from a number I don't know saying 'MIL passed on your present today. Thank you for the lovely gifts, I had a wonderful birthday.'
I had no idea who this was from. I asked DH thinking perhaps he knew what it was all about and he too knew nothing. He rang mil and it transpires she had given her friend a gift from us (and my number so she could thank me). I have met the gift recipient once many moons ago at SIL wedding. Dh knows her as 'auntie x' but again hasn't spoken to her in years. There is no reason we would buy this woman a gift.

Aibu to be annoyed by this? Mil does it all the time. She gives distant cousins, aunties, uncles etc gifts and we get thank yous left right and centre when we have done nothing! It can be quite embarrassing when we are put on the spot! I am more than capable (and do!) buy gifts for people who we usually would buy for!

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable because one of my past issues with mil was her interfering (for example when we got married she made an appt at the florists and changed flowers 'on my behalf'). So maybe I'm just over reacting on this!

Please tell me if I'm just being a cow. 😩

[halcyondays]

That is a really weird thing to do. Is it because she thinks you should be buying presents for these people yourself or something?

[Returnofthesmileybar]

Firstly, and just because I am nosey, I need to know more about the wedding flower incident.

Then I would get your dh to tell her to never send presents on your behalf again, just say it's weird, not her place and you don't like it

[halcyondays]

Changing flowers for your wedding was really interfering.

[Aprilislonggone]

Text back lots of??! You need to know what possible tat she is passing of as your tatse in gifts!!

[PennyMordauntsLadyBrain]

It might take you actually biting the bullet and telling one of the recipients that it was actually MIL who is due the credit, and rely on them saying something to her before she is embarrassed into stopping.

Very very weird behaviour.

[Leeds2]

I think I would respond to the text saying something like "sorry, I haven't sent any presents recently. Maybe ask MIL about it." so that MIL may feel a little embarrassed about it. I imagine the recipient would be grateful to find out, as she is now no doubt wondering whether she should buy you a birthday present!

[blueberryandrhubarb]

I've no idea why she does it ! We buy for everyone we think we should buy for, she often sends gifts to them too! Which means for example SIL got two birthday presents from us for her 30th! It was bloody awkward!


@Returnofthesmileybar 😂 for the sake of my sanity I can't go into the whole relationship background (I have posted on here before so it's out there somewhere!) but the wedding flower story is this-
Mil decided she wanted to walk down the aisle before me. I wasn't too bothered about this as my own mother was being walked down by my brother before the start of the music etc. Mil then wanted to go at the start of the music. Again I said okay and we sorted it out that an usher would walk her with the bridesmaids following. A week before the wedding I had a call from a VERY nervous florist asking me for final payment. I didn't understand as I'd paid a month in advance. Transpired MIL had gone to the florists shop and said I was rushed off my feet so had sent her to add an extra bridesmaid bouquet. MIL wanted to carry flowers 🤔 she then wore white on the day.....
Anyway I have tried to move past all that -eventhoughitstillmakesmybloodboil- I try not to think about it !

[blueberryandrhubarb]

Ah strikethrough fail!

[Singlenotsingle]

I'd be quite pleased if someone was giving out presents in my name. All these people are going to think what a lovely generous person you are! (They might also think you're a bit batshit - but it goes with the territory).

[Nanny0gg]

Why hasn't your DH told her to stop it?

And if she refuses, tell her you will tell the recipients that the gifts are not from you.

[Singlenotsingle]

Maybe she's a bit off her trolley. Did she think it was her getting married, in her white dress and carrying flowers?

[LuluBellaBlue]

OMG..... you have a crazy MIL!! Just in case you hadn’t figured that out already

[blueberryandrhubarb]

@Leeds2 yes we have had reciprocal gifts 🤦🏻‍♀️ I don't even know what she has bloody given this woman!

Although in the past she has given people decent gifts on our behalf so at least that's something!

@PennyMordauntsLadyBrain I would say some people are aware for example SIL and other close family know. My dh mentioned it to her years and years ago and told her as a couple we would be sending out our own gifts!

[blueberryandrhubarb]

@Singlenotsingle 😂😂😂 yes that's why I thought I might be being ungrateful! At least I'm coming off as extremely generous 😂

[blueberryandrhubarb]

@LuluBellaBlue ha! I realised that a good 12 years or so ago! Believe it or not our wedding was just the tip of the iceberg!!!

[AllHallowsQueen]

OMG that wedding story is amazing OP! How batshit

[blueberryandrhubarb]

Whenever any of the younger girls at work complain about mils I tell them about mine! Soon makes them realise not all mils are quite so bad!

[bridgetreilly]

She sounds bonkers.

I would start responding to people and explaining that while you wish them well, you haven't actually sent them anything.

[Returnofthesmileybar]

Whhhatttt?? She is fucking batshit, I'm so glad I asked 😂 She wore white, walked up the aisle to music and carrying flowers?? The woman is a lunatic!! Maybe just start texting back "Oooh mil must have gotten gift tags mixed up, we didn't send you a gift, you should ask her though so you can thank the real giver. Hope you are well" she'll stop if you keep dropping her in it

[aaaaargghhhhelpme]

I would be so tempted to reply - who dis? But that’s the child in me

Honestly I don’t know. She sounds out of my league batshit if your wedding is only the tip of the iceberg! (I’m free all evening and have nothing else planned feel free to add a few more stories!)

Doesn’t sound like your dh has a massively strong relationship with her if you have to remind him to stay in touch? Don’t know whether it’s worth him having a word. Would she listen to him?

[blueberryandrhubarb]

@Returnofthesmileybar in the end we had a huge bust up two days before the wedding. She did have her white dress but no flowers and she walked up with my mother before the ceremony 😂 she was lucky to be still invited tbh!

She listens to no one. I have dropped her in it with people and she just laughs it off. She asked Dh what harm she was doing when she did it for SILs 30th. She did stop for a while but apparently it has started again!

[blueberryandrhubarb]

I'm worried if I start telling stories about her I won't stop 🙈 I could write a book !

[Emmageddon]

I had a weird facebook message from a distant cousin I hadn't seen in years, thanking me for the gifts I had sent for her son. I hadn't sent anything. Turns out my DM had given her some Poundland tat on my behalf, because she (cousin) once bought my DS some toy or the other when he was a baby, and she thought it would be nice for me to reciprocate for her child.

Perhaps it's a generational thing? It's bloody unsettling though to get effusive thanks for something you haven't given.

[RedFallLeaf]

@OP we need more stories about your mil :)

[JustJoinedRightNow]

My MIL does the same thing - buys random cousins of my DH presents when they have babies - we wouldn’t buy them anything, we live in totally different countries and it’s just not what we spend our money on. Then will tell us, oh and btw, I’ve put your names on the card and gift for cousin xyz.
I agree with a PP that it could be a generational thing perhaps.