Did i over react about dinner?

[Noodle101]

Long time lurker just changer username for privacy. Probably should have put this in relationships but wanted here for traffic.

Currently sitting in tears over what seems to be the most ridiculous argument with my dp. There is 5 years of history where arguments have often,I feel, have been of his quick temper and unreasonable behaviour.

Tonight we were cooking a stirfry, he tells me to go back in the sitting room as he will cook, I go back into the kitchen to say I think its burning, he is standing over the heat and shouts at me its not burning. I feel frustrated and (this makes me sounds about 2) stamp one foot and say listen to me, i don't want the food to be ruined. DP proceeds to fling the frying pan against the wall and chuck food across the kitchen into the sink and shout at me. He then goes upstairs, i follow him saying what the hell, why are you so quick to anger? I then am so shocked and upset that i say i don't want to be with him anymore and i go downstairs and have a glass of wine to calm down.

10 mins later he is downstairs saying he understands he overreacted but only did so because i was berating him about the food, and all he keeps saying to me is is the food actually burnt? As if that will validate him being so quick to anger.

Sorry if this seems so ridiculous I just wonder if he has reacted unnecessarily or if I drove him to it? Last week we had an argument because he said a few nasty things about my job choices, he has apologised profusely for that, but obviously I am now really upset that another argument has occurred.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Not sure on this one. Was the food burnt?

[Returnofthesmileybar]

Nope not ridiculous, flinging the frying pan at the wall , he some anger issues there

[user1471459936]

Yes, you overreacted.

[MrTrebus]

Sounds like it's 50:50. Stop meddling let him cook in future, if it burns it burns. Sounds like you wind each other up, you stamped your foot he threw the pan. Just communicate better and don't mother him,relax and I'm sure you'll both get on better.

[MrsStrowman]

This is six of one half a dozen of the other, why did you go back and hover/criticise while he was cooking? You then stamoed your foot.... He then naively overreacted, or subs like toddlers playing at grown ups. Ridiculous, just agree whoever is cooking is cooking, the other will leave them alone and not nit pick. This works both ways.

[Purplepinkpurple]

Wtf ? U stamped your foot and your going on about his quick temper ? Sounds like you both need to grow up I'm afraid.

[letsdolunch321]

I wouldn’t be discussing anything with him. First thing he needs to do is clear up the fucking kitchen - the idiot

[Duckherding]

Doesn't sound like a good pairing

[MrsStrowman]

Massively not naively...

[Dobbythesockelf]

Tbh I would have also been annoyed if an adult went on at me about my cooking and stamped their foot. He obviously shouldn't have thrown the pan but you should have believed him when he said it wasn't burning. You were both in the wrong I think.

[pallisers]

Do you like living like that? Some people do like drama and anger and scenes and are happy to live like that. It would be my worst nightmare.

Your reaction was over the top but his was unbelievably over the top - he threw a frying pan? Are you sure you each bring out the best in each other because it doesn't sound like it.

[Mrsharrison]

And always have a pizza in the freezer as a contingency plan in future.

[JennyHolzersGhost]

I think if someone is going to fuck up the cooking then you have to let them fuck it up and not interrupt them in the process.

Throwing the pan etc isn’t acceptable of course.

[Noodle101]

Food wasn't too burnt in the end but i only said it cause i noticed the veg was browning quickly so thats why i said it in the first place. Obviously after it all happened its not been eaten anyway so my issue wasn't really the food, just the quick reaction it caused. It just felt like it came out of nowhere cause everything had been calm and fine before.

[QuestionableMouse]

You both sound about 12. You both need to tone down the drama.

[Ihopeyourcakeisshit]

I don't think it's quite as easy as 'if it burns it burns'
I'd be pretty hacked off if dinner was ruined because someone hadn't listened.
Your approach does sound a bit heavy handed, his response was completely unacceptable.

[Racoon100]

you both overreacted. You Angered first and stamped your foot like a small child, and then he angered and threw the food. You both need to grow up!

[BlueJava]

If he's cooking why not let him alone, you shouldn't meddle. However, he does sound quick to anger, but perhaps you interfere too often and he's fed up with it. This doesn't justify what he did, but perhaps he's driven to it.

[Noodle101]

Thank you for all your quick replies- can I add that the reason I went back in to help was because he was saying I'd left him to do all the cooking even though he'd sent me into the sitting room 'to drink wine'. God we are sounding more immature by the minute but i usually pride myself on good communication but this time I think i just felt frustrated.

[Belindabauer]

You sound like one of those people who has to do everything themself because nobody else can do it good enough.
You are both at fault. He did over react but you wound him up.
I couldn't be bothered living like this.

[Sparklesocks]

It’s only food, it’s not worth getting so worked up. I think there’s fault on both sides - you need to trust him to cook without you hovering over, and stamping your foot is childish. Is this standard practice in your house? Do you oversee everything?
But also throwing the pan was a buff overreaction on his part and needlessly aggressive.

It sounds like you both have issues as a pair.

[Laureline]

You sound as you were being annoying, but throwing a frying pan is crazy behaviour!

[dudsville]

My vote is with the majority on this one.
You both overreacted.

[Pebblespony]

You either cook yourself or trust him to do it. You are not his mother. It's very controlling. That said, he massively overreacted. You need to back off, he needs to work on his temper.

[Lucy001]

If you'd stamped your foot at me and told me how to cook, I'd probably have thrown the pan at you! Not at the wall. On this occasion, it seems it was your quick temper that was the cause, not his. So, are you always this right? Or could some of the other arguments also be down to you. In the end, you either want the relationship or not. If you want to end it, stop looking for excuses. And if you don't, maybe have a look at yourself.