Utter snobbery

[ScattyPenny]

This may be old news and I apologise if it's been done to death already. I know it's not a new thing.

My friend has a daughter who has just started at a prestigious Russell group uni. My son is at a regular uni.

My friend showed me pictures of her daughter wearing a T-Shirt on a night out bearing the slogan 'Your Dad works for my Dad'. It was for a student night out in which students from the local 'poly' and the 'proper' university were attending. Obviously it was an antagonistic slur on those attending the 'lower rated' university.

I'm from a working class background and struggled to get to university and I'm very proud of my achievements and of my son having got to where he is. I was the first in my family ever to get a degree and I went to a new university (old poly). I went to a state school and my parents worked hard but never in well-paid jobs.

AIBU to think that this smacks of class snobbery?

Many kids at decent universities will have got there through hard work and determination but many will have had the benefits of private education, middle class values and educated (and supportive) parents.

Personally I think it stinks. My friend however thought it was funny.

Sad as it sounds, the slogan probably rings true for many of the students. However, it must seem like a kick in the face in an 'I've got somewhere you'll get because you're poor' kind of way.

Sorry...just needed to vent.

[OnoAnotherNC]

Yeah I think that's really crass and unpleasant

[ScattyPenny]

Should have read 'I've got somewhere you'll never get because you're poor'

[MrsStrowman]

I knew someone at a prestigious RG university who when drunk would say 'I'll have my father fire your father and buy your house' , he was a dick. Wonder if it's the same uni?

[cementpointing]

yes, shit. they've always felt they're special then or where else would it suddenly appear from.

[ScattyPenny]

Yeah I agree Ono. I almost feel like I can't relate to my friend at the moment. She's from a middle class background and I don't think she quite gets it.

Some things are almost guaranteed for some kids but others really have to go the extra mile (plus ten) to get there.

[chitofftheshovel]

Wow. That is pretty vile. Did you say amything to your friend about it?

[MartaTam]

What did you say when she showed you the picture? is your ds at an old poly/new uni and does the friend know?

[MartaTam]

She's from a middle class background and I don't think she quite gets it.

Of course she gets it.

[ScattyPenny]

I'm glad I'm not alone in this. I just felt myself getting really angry (internally) but managed to show my disapproval in a dignified way when talking to my friend.

It makes me mad that these kids think they're something special when most of the time they've had the red carpet straight into the posh universities through privilege.

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

There's only 1 response to that

How crass!!

[BuggeringNora]

Urgh, these 'T-shirt parties' are just revolting. Shouldn't be allowed. There were photos doing the rounds last week of a bunch of freshers wearing shirts with charming slogans such as "Fuck the NHS" on them, (I think they may have been Young Conservatives!)

[Ohyesiam]

If she felt good inside she wouldn’t need to score points.

[ScattyPenny]

He's at an old university but not a Russell group.

I just told her I thought it was a bit nasty and that I didn't think it was funny or appropriate.

Sadly Marta, you might be right :(

[MVLipwig]

If this is Newcastle’s posh vs poly night, then I think you’re being unduly harsh. The student’s take it in good fun and the polys push back at the ‘posh’ too. Tickets are generally sell out for both sides. And I say this as someone attending a uni worse than poly

[ScattyPenny]

'Fuck the NHS'....Jesus Christ!

Ohyes....I'm starting to wonder.

[FlyingElbows]

It is indeed snobbery. It's also really embarrassing because there is very little more sad than an adult (and fresh out of school or not they are adults) whose claim to superiority is what someone else does for a living. It's truly tragic.

The same also applies to any notion that simply attending a Russell Group university makes you a notable success. RG universities achieve their status purely through the research work done by their academic staff. Harriet, three weeks in to first year, really has very little claim to that status!

Your friend's daughter is a twat.

[MartaTam]

I don't agree with your friend, her DD or the stupid t-shirts, but i don't agree with It makes me mad that these kids think they're something special when most of the time they've had the red carpet straight into the posh universities through privilege. either. You don't know that for a fact. Most students at RG unis are made of of state school dc not the other way round. Private school representation will vary between them all but you cannot assume everyone there, had the red carpet rolled out.
But I agree the t-shirts are vile.

[Chipbutty67]

Thats so rude. The punchline is basically, 'I come from privilege and you don't, so even if you're here at the same event as me, don't forget it'.

I can't imagine what other connotations your friend thought the T Shirt could have?

I don't think there would be anything wrong in not judging, but just asking her to explain the joke.

[AuntBeastie]

YANBU that’s fucking awful

[ScattyPenny]

Marta - I am aware that not all students at prestigious universities will have had silver spoon treatment but realistically, these institutions will be more populated by private schooled and privileged kids than your average poly.

It just makes me angry that wealth and social class seem to give kids the arrogance that they have achieved something that kids from poorer backgrounds haven't.

Kids in schools with lower expectations, cultures of 'it's not for me' and less resources will inevitably suffer academically and this means that they are not on a level playing field. These kids are probably less supported at home and do not come from a culture in which academic success is encouraged.

I just find it abysmal that those who come from backgrounds that assume success for their children feel it appropriate to mock those who have fought against adversity to get an education. It's misplaced arrogance and I, personally, find it abhorrent.

You're right though...the T-shirts are shit. They perpetuate a 'them and us' culture which, in this day and age, should be banned by the universities. Outdated and unfair.

[DollyWilde]

That used to be a chant at my uni varsity stuff. Agree it’s crass but so was the filth they chanted back at us... and I was a state student!

[Racecardriver]

I go to a Russell group. A lot of the students are ex state school pupils. Like the majority of them. But I do think that private education dies give an advantage. The top degrees at my university are more even private state mix. Re the NHS it is horrible. It's practically a class genocide. I half think that the reason it is so poorly funded and allowed to run poorly with a sanctimonious (entire unethical) culture with court protection etc is because many of the members of the wealthy elite think that it is a good think that poor people are being knocked off through substandard healthcare. It needs to be dismantled and restructured into a very scaled back service that only provides healthcare to those who can't afford insurance or to those will to pay at point of access. Everyone else should sort themselves out.

[HettieBettie]

I would’ve said that’s very twatty. And secretly hoped a student said the same to her daughter. How bloody stupid.

[Racecardriver]

But it is a huge over generalisation to say that wealthy parents send children to private schools and poor one to state schools. They are lots of wealthy parents who shamelessly play the state school system to he able to afford an extra ski holiday or for the kudos. Likewise there are a lot of students from low income families at private schools on scholarships and bursaries.

[JosellaPlayton]

It’s shit and in terrible taste, but you don’t know the full story here- I’m sure the former poly gives as good as they get and students do some really stupid embarrassing stuff sometimes.

I’d be especially disappointed in your friend showing off the picture and laughing at it like it’s something to be proud of. Unlike her daughter she’s old enough to know better and I’m honestly not sure I could continue with the friendship.