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OH not being invited after all i done and other colleagues OH was

(94 Posts)
LJFM2B Thu 11-Oct-18 13:50:16

Long post alert ... i worked with who i thought was a friend for 5 years, we were close as worked side by side the whole time, went out after work and celebrated birthdays etc. After i left the company we stayed in touch and would meet up every 6 weeks or so. When she got engaged I was so excited for her, to celebrate i took her out for dinner and wanted to know the ins and outs of plans etc ... They had managed to get there dream venue for 9 months time!!

Im a bridal hair stylist and so said i would do her hair for free, including trials ... I helped with plans as much as possible with plans and ID's and even purchasing little bits she needed etc ... she lives 40 minutes from me - i went and done a hair trial for her, and her 2 bridemaids, while i was there she mentioned she wanted a videographer but couldn't afford it ... i said she should get a video camera and ask somebody to film it for her, or maybe a few people to get clips through out the day which she was excited about.
She gave me an all day invite while i was there and it only had my name on it not DP which i thought "fair enough shes cutting back, they have only given themselves 9 months" (i had just moved in with DP at this stage) and she told me another colleague was going to be there all day so i would know someone (didnt worry me but great)

Anyway time flys and wedding day comes, no mention of my DP being invited for the evening (not a free bar) .. the venue was 90 minutes from me, my DP kindly took me to the venue as he wanted the car for the day and agreed to pick me up ... i was a bit sad that he wasn't going to be there at all but i had a job to do a friend to watch get married so off i went... done the brides hair, 2 bridesmaids, and her mum and quickly got myself ready in the toilet to be apart of the day and when i said "im off, good luck you look amazing" she said "oh before you go" and reached down into a box and pulled out a video camera and said "i got the camera can you video everything for me, iv told the celebrant that youll be down the front with us etc" ... I was in shock a bit, i had been there since 7am to get them ready i really thought my duties were done as a friend BUT of course its her wedding day so i took the camera and done the best job i could do - filming aisle shots, vows, first kiss and went on to film little messages from her friends and family during the cocktail hour so she could watch it back (took my job seriously)

Evening meal comes and i take my seat and sat next to my old colleague who i had hardly seen and she asked "wheres DP" i explained he wasnt invited to which she replied "no way, bride invited my DP and weve only been seeing each other 4 months, the only reason his not here is because his its his brothers stag" .... i had to stop myself from welling up to be honest ... might seem dramatic but i really felt used. Me and DP had been together for just over 18 months at this point and we lived together.

Evening came along with old colleagues that poored in as evening guests along WITH there DP's. When the first dance and cake cutting was announced the bride made a B line for me and said "aw can you make sure you get these and a little bit of people dancing and then that should be it" .... i acted completely normal as i wouldnt have wanted to put a downer on her day and i done as she asked, i even spent 20 minutes after the first dance trying to enjoy myself but i then text DP and asked him to leave when he could ... it was a 90 minute journey so i didnt have to shoot off straight away and spent the rest of my time chatting to old colleagues about life!! who all asked where DP was - it was embarrassing ... I told bride i was off because i was so tiered, and she then said "why dont DP pop in for a bit?" .. this actually made me livid ... but again held my tongue i said "his in scruffy clothes, he didnt know he was going to get asked in, if you said earlier on he would of got ready" ... making the point he wasnt invited, ... she shrugged it off a bit tipsy by then and we said our byes

She text me 2 weeks after the wedding (they went on honeymoon the day after) .. in the text it said how amazing mexico was and she loved her hair and was looking forward to watching the video...

i wrote out a long reply and then deleted it - I then didnt reply and havent spoken to her since!

AIBU?

AuntBeastie Thu 11-Oct-18 13:54:03

Aww OP you sound so lovely and generous. I think she was really rude not to invite your DP - so much so that I wonder if it was just an oversight? Did you ever ask her to check?

I don’t blame you for being hurt, she has taken you for granted if it was a deliberate decision.

Rainagain1 Thu 11-Oct-18 13:56:04

Hmm she does sound a bit CF and used you. But is it worth throwing a friendship away over? People do get wrapped up on their own weddings and behave like twats

needsahouseboy Thu 11-Oct-18 13:56:22

Hope you deleted the wedding video too. What a cow!!!

You sound lovely by the way but you need some assertiveness training. I’d have shoved the camera where the sun dont shine

Returnofthesmileybar Thu 11-Oct-18 13:57:05

Send the reply, she's a fucking user!! Between hair and video you saved her over a grand! It's not just the do thing, her treatment of you is shocking. Say it, she clearly doesn't see the friendship in the same way you do so you have nothing to lose

MapleLeafRag Thu 11-Oct-18 13:57:20

what a cheeky fucker!

strawberrisc Thu 11-Oct-18 13:58:55

@needsahouseboy

Brutal but brilliant!

Returnofthesmileybar Thu 11-Oct-18 13:59:21

And I'd text her "Glad you enjoyed your honeymoon. You gave me no notice about the video camera so I had no time to practice, seems I forgot to press record! Silly me! Oh well you were a complete cow on the day so sorry not sorry" i wouldn't have the balls to send it

Celebelly Thu 11-Oct-18 14:00:42

Bless you, what a lovely friend you are and what a cheeky fucker she is. I can't bear people who think their wedding is an excuse to treat people like shit. Imagine handing you the camera and asking you to film everything! Actually scunnered at the brass neck of her even without any of the stuff about not inviting your DP.

BarbarianMum Thu 11-Oct-18 14:01:27

I think you should learn from this. If a friend is a good friend, so good that you are giving up significant amounts of your time and effort on their behalf, then you should feel comfortable enough with them to talk to them about things in the relationship that make you unhappy - like them not inviting your dp to their weddings and expecting you to act as an unpaid lacky all day.

Aprilislonggone Thu 11-Oct-18 14:03:57

Be a shame if the video was accidentally deleted....
She didn't invite your dp so you weren't distracted from your duties..
She wouldn't be my friend after that.
She wasn't really anyway imo.

Leeds2 Thu 11-Oct-18 14:04:11

Maybe she wanted you to fully focus on her video, and not "waste" your time being distracted by DP. Does sound very odd behaviour.

peakydante Thu 11-Oct-18 14:09:28

How horrible OP sad I wonder though - could it have been a mistake? Like what could possibly be her reason for leaving your DP out? It can't have been money since your colleagues DPs were invited. Has she met your DP? Did she get along with him? Did she think because you were "working" at the wedding you wouldn't need your DP there? Hard to fathom why she did that?

I be very curious and tempted to ask her, but I'd probably hold back. Weddings bring out the worst in some people and in another couple of weeks it'll all be history so it's probably not worth the drama. I do feel for you though and you sound lovely

HundredMilesAnHour Thu 11-Oct-18 14:11:09

I think the reason she didn't invite your DP was because she planned to have you "working" for the entire wedding and if he'd been invited, you would have been less available for her.

KC225 Thu 11-Oct-18 14:11:29

Did you delete the video?

RollaBowlaBall Thu 11-Oct-18 14:11:51

Don’t delete her video. That would make you a worse person than she is!

But do tell her you’re upset and why.

Lost5stone Thu 11-Oct-18 14:13:21

I'd not do anything. Just cut contact. It's really not worth the argument, she's clearly a crap friend anyway.

And now every time she watches the video she will think of you

Lweji Thu 11-Oct-18 14:14:27

shock

You probably won't do it, but I'd invoice her for all the time you have spent on the hair, preparations, and a full video fee (on hourly rate).

After payment, I'd stop contacting her.

Does she have the recording, or do you?

KC225 Thu 11-Oct-18 14:14:43

You were never a guest, you were unpaid staff.

Snowymountainsalways Thu 11-Oct-18 14:15:19

Don't delete the video, that would be super unkind.

If the friendship has any hope you can perhaps bring up how sad you are about the dp issue and see if there is a good reason? Give her a chance to explain

3luckystars Thu 11-Oct-18 14:19:53

She used you and that hurts. She is not your friend at all, I'm sorry this happened.

Juells Thu 11-Oct-18 14:20:38

Hope you deleted the wedding video too

As others have suggested, I'd accidentally delete the video.

ThankyouLinus Thu 11-Oct-18 14:23:04

I wouldn't want to be friends with her anymore but I'd have to ask her why. It would drive me crazy not knowing why your partner was excluded but no one else's was.

Theweasleytwins Thu 11-Oct-18 14:24:01

She probably didnt want your dp there so you could focus on being the videographer

Lalaisloopsy Thu 11-Oct-18 14:24:40

I would just distance yourself she sound like the type of person who would complain about your ruining her wedding if you say anything. Just avoid her she will get the message.

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