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AIBU?

To consider pausing TTC to avoid summer birthday?

104 replies

LegsOfGlass · 10/10/2018 20:04

Currently TTC but considering pausing until January to avoid June/July/August. DH is really worried about academic disadvantage and less developed social skills and says there’s tons of research to back him up. I (as an August born who excelled academically 🎺🎺🎺) am not so worried.

WWYD? So far only trying for a couple of months and conceived in a just a few cycles previously.

OP posts:

Report

SussexMedley · 10/10/2018 20:06

We had this thread a few days ago.

Makethisquick · 10/10/2018 20:06

Hello there. There was a thread recently and I think there was research mentioned that (on average) summer borns are at a disadvantage but catch up eventually except in a few potential subjects inc sport I think.

Have you done your research?

Our anecdata is useless really.

Sparklingbrook · 10/10/2018 20:08

If I had my time again I would have tried to avoid a summer baby if I am absolutely honest.

When you are a teenager and one of the last in your friendship group to do anything it's not great.

Catscakeandchocolate · 10/10/2018 20:08

I was one of the youngest in my year. I was academically bright and school reports consistently spoke of my maturity. It can be a disadvantage being the youngest but it may not be, it is down to the individual. I knew plenty of immature and academically weak September/October born babies so it is no guarantee. And trying to conceive can be a journey that can take months/years or a september baby can be born prematurely. I wouldnt wait.

CoughLaughFart · 10/10/2018 20:09

I’ve seen a couple of threads like this recently. To be honest, I think it’s ridiculous. On average it takes six months to conceive. Buggering about to try and make sure they’re born in September instead of August is a waste of time. Even if you get pregnant and are due on September 4th, what happens if you go into labour a week early?

This whole ‘the younger ones suffer’ thing is overdone. The youngest girl in my class got nothing below an A at GCSE - she made the local paper - and went on to go to Cambridge.

Shantotto · 10/10/2018 20:10

You can request summerborn start school in reception, at CSA. Depends on area as to how simple this is though! People will say oh reception is all play it won’t matter, but the issue is year 1 and up where the demand are much much greater than they used to be and a barely 5 year old may struggle. Do your research - you can see how much of a difference it could possibly make. I am doing this for my summerborn DS as the issue is worse for boys and starting school age barely 4 is so so wrong in my opinion.

Spanglylycra · 10/10/2018 20:11

It could take you a month. It could take 5 years. You can't plan these things.

Wizzwazzwas · 10/10/2018 20:11

I have three summer babies. They are all fabulous. One of them was 'supposed' to be born at another time, but a miscarriage put paid to that.

The one of mine who experiences the most disadvantage due to the birthday is the keen sporting child who was born at the end of the year and is therefore the smallest, least developed and most disadvantaged in the sporting age system of calendar years. Having a winter newborn was hellish compared with glorious summer long days.

There are pros and cons!

oatmilk4breakfast · 10/10/2018 20:11

For me looking at this recently again we looked at figures on averages ttc over 3 months - something like under 35, 76% likelihood of pregnancy within 3 months? I think? But here’s the thing, early losses are quite common. I conceived and lost first pregnancy - would have been a summer baby. Then got pregnant a few cycles later. Accidentally a winter baby. Hard to predict how things will turn out. If you’re relaxed about it maybe wait, work out what your ‘trying windows’ in the year would be to try and avoid those months whatever happens? If you want or need to get on with it...find evidence of summer babies doing well or the ability to defer school starts!

oblada · 10/10/2018 20:12

As an August born child who has done very well academically I wouldn't worry about it to be honest, there are so many other factors! I never thought about it for my kids, I have a September born one, an end of July one and a March one! :) I think it worked well for my first to have to wait a bit for school but it was good for her sister to join her early on. They are all v young so can't comment further but realistically I couldn't take that into account when TTC personally.

CottonSock · 10/10/2018 20:12

I love my summer birthday, and for my two dds. After 4 miscarriages I didn't feel too picky either.

oatmilk4breakfast · 10/10/2018 20:12

Not easy...feel for you 💐

DramaAlpaca · 10/10/2018 20:14

OP, I did exactly what you are thinking of when trying for DC3.

I got my September baby.

Singlenotsingle · 10/10/2018 20:15

Summer born babies are able to benefit from fresh air and sunshine in the first few months of their lives, AND have their birthday parties outside, instead of shut up in some hall with the heating on.

crikeycrumbsblimey · 10/10/2018 20:15

Depends how important you think it is.

Never even occurred to me / just felt lucky to have two healthy kids. All feels a bit engineered to me

cadburyegg · 10/10/2018 20:18

I’m an August baby. I did ok academically, not amazing but I am not very academic!

FWIW I started TTC for our first baby in January a few years ago (no real reason... just that we decided to start after Christmas). It took 5 months for me to get pregnant, baby the born following February.
TTC for the second time, also started in January, fell pregnant right away with a due date in early October. Miscarried at 12 weeks.
Started TTC again 2 months later, fell pregnant right away and baby born the following March.

Also, I was due early September but was born at 36 weeks. Some things you just can’t plan.

So, you can wait if you like. There is no harm in it, that being said I wouldn’t advise waiting if you are 35+ though, just my opinion.

Iltavilli · 10/10/2018 20:20

Late August birthday here. Have a PhD, went to school at 4 and remember my reception teacher discussing with mum the fact I didn’t need a spelling tin as could already do it. My family weren’t advantaged (retail worker and warehouseman). It is about parenting, not school nor statistics.

Biber · 10/10/2018 20:26

Nothing is foreseeable. My February baby died at three days, my November baby died at nineteen years old. My August baby wasn't academic but has grown up intelligent and thoughtful, above all else is alive and in a happy relationship with a family of their own. They had great birthday parties in the garden.

Do not take conception, or the outcome of a child's life for granted.

Oysterbabe · 10/10/2018 20:28

YANBU if it's important to you. There's no guarantees but worth a go. We had this in mind and have 2 winter babies.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/10/2018 20:34

Putting off trying to have a baby because of this is really ridiculous. You have NO idea when you will get pregnant and you're not getting any younger. You can always delay starting your child in school for a year. That's what I did with my daughter and she did brilliantly in school.

notanaturalmum · 10/10/2018 20:35

Wow.
I can't believe this is actually a thing.
I understand how you might want to bear it in mind but conception/pregnancy/birth can be so so difficult.
Just TTC and deal with the hand you are given.
I really don't want to come across as harsh, but I cannot empathise with you at all.
Being able to have a baby at all is such a gift.

Also, I'm October born, but was a bit clever as a kid so I got pushed up into the year above.
So when everyone learnt to drive in sixth form, I had to wait a year. And then I turned 18 at uni rather than at sixth form. I was always the youngest. Yes it was annoying but I got over it.
So all the planning you might do could be in vain if you end up with a clever kid.

busybarbara · 10/10/2018 20:37

He's the one who'll be getting less nookie out of the deal so let him dig his own hole. He'll probably change his mind in a few weeks

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seven201 · 10/10/2018 20:39

I'm onto month 10 of trying for dc 2. I'm definitely not pausing! I'm a secondary teacher. Kids catch up eventually. Don't get me wrong, I'd prefer an autumn baby, but I'm not going to risk missing a cycle that might be 'the one'.

pennyw85 · 10/10/2018 20:42

My DD was born 28th August and started school last year. I was VERY worried about her but she settled in quickly and for Yr 1 has been put in the higher class (a Yr 1/2 split). My DS was born this July so will have the same for him, I'm hoping he is fine too. I would say just keep TTC and it will happen when it's meant to

pennyw85 · 10/10/2018 20:42

Also it's cheaper for nursery - one less year!

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