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To make a serious complaint against this nurse and ask for advice on how to do it

(113 Posts)
Oldsu Fri 05-Oct-18 23:38:45

First of all may I say I have every respect for the nursing profession, they are undervalued, underpaid and in the main are dedicated professionals - But NOT this one

Back story my friend is a carer for her DH who has early onset dementia (63) last year she had regular visits from a district nurse, because he had pressure sores, she didn't like this nurse, said she was rude, of course some people are by nature a bit brusque but my friend said she had complained about her and since then she had been really rude so I arranged to be at her house during the visit

And yes she was bloody rude, patronising and nasty she shouted at my friend and her DH, I wasn't present obviously when her DH was being examined or when medical issues were discussed but I heard some of what she said and recognised the tone and nature of a bully, I asked my friend if she wanted to make another complaint and I would be a witness but she said leave it because it would just make her worse.

This week however the actions of this nurse has made me so angry that I want something done about her, I want her to be made aware by a higher authority of the consequences of her actions I don't want her sacked but maybe to undergo further training before she is allowed to go near vulnerable patients and their carers.

This week started ok, my friend told me the nurses were coming on Friday( they still come every month even though the pressure sores have healed) , however in the early hours of Thursday I got a call from her saying tragically her DH had died, it was sudden because he had no other illness or conditions aside from the dementia.

Yesterday she told me they were going to do a PM today so I have been at her house all day because she is in a state of shock

About 3pm the doorbell rang it was the nurses and one was the one she had a problem with I was behind her when she apologised to them saying her DH had died, instead of being sympathetic, this nurse then proceeded to SHOUT at my friend saying why hadn't she been told, she had come all this way, for nothing when she could have been seeing other patients , what happened next was a blur, I told my friend to go inside I would deal with this I pushed past the nurses and stood by the gate making sure they couldn't get out and then let her have it with both barrels, I didn't shout or swear but I have a loud voice so the neighbours came out, I said how dared she speak to my friend like that, I believe I called her a nasty woman and that she was a disgrace amongst other things the other nurse looked terrified but I was so angry (still am I am shaking as I write this).

So what I want to know is can I make a complaint on my friends behalf as she not in a good state to do it herself, If I can't is there a time limit for her to make a complaint, what's the procedure and most importantly will anything actually be done.

Sorry for the long post but wanted to give all the details

StoneofDestiny Fri 05-Oct-18 23:44:11

I'm sure other medical professionals on here can advise you. Just wanted to say that what you relate is completely shocking and I hope the complaint goes all the way as I'd hate to think there will be more victims of this nurse.

garethsouthgatesmrs Fri 05-Oct-18 23:47:44

why the hell do people like this become nurses?

Floralnomad Fri 05-Oct-18 23:54:10

Email or write to the NMC and explain what the issues are ( I assume you know her name / details ) , they will investigate and deal with her in an appropriate fashion be that training , suspension of her PIN or being struck off the register .

catpooproblems Fri 05-Oct-18 23:55:16

What was her reaction?!

YANBU btw. She sounds like a horrible woman

SuchAToDo Sat 06-Oct-18 00:12:21

Op these three links tell you how to go about making a complaint and how to make a complaint on behalf of someone else...the first link even has a complaint letter template to help with how to write the complaint out

70isaLimitNotaTarget Sat 06-Oct-18 00:19:16


Very poor behaviour and very unprofessional.

Old - try and write everything down while its still fresh, dates and times .
Your poor friend will probably be in no fit state at the moment but IIRC the time period to raise complaints is pretty lengthy so she doesn't need to do anything straight away but don't let her push it aside.

A lot of patients don't complain or don't let anyone complain on their behalf . Relatives often fear the repercussions.

Some people should not be in a caring profession , ok we are all under stress but even if the patient is Satan in Knickers there are coping stratergies for the HCP.

MiniMum97 Sat 06-Oct-18 00:20:03

If you google your local “health watch” you should be able to get details of your local
complaints advocacy service who can help you through the process incl drafting complaint letters etc.

That was appalling behaviour. I am truly shocked and really feel for your grieving friend. How heartless. So glad you had the foresight and the words to give to her with both barrels. In that sort of situation I am usually speechless and think of all the things I wanted to say afterwards!

Oldsu Sat 06-Oct-18 00:20:12

Floralnomad but will anything actually be done, note in my post I said there were 2 nurses, this nurse used to come on her own, when my friend complained about her (not sure who to) that was the response they sent another with her my friend thought they had dismissed her as a trouble maker and sent 2 so the other would back the nasty one up in the event of another complaint and TBH she was scared if she complained again they would take her DH away from her and put him in a home,
catpooproblems she never said a word but looked furious

giggly Sat 06-Oct-18 00:24:07

If your friend had made a previous complaint to the health centre/place of work for this nurse then this would have been investigated and recorded. Your friend should have had feedback from this.
The fact that it was the same nurse makes me think she didn’t. That’s why shit nurses get to carry on being shit. And I say that as a nurse.
So yes you can make a complaint on what you witnessed but absolutely encourage her to go through with her own complaint as

PickAChew Sat 06-Oct-18 00:27:56

Do Pals cover home visits?

Jamiefraserskilt Sat 06-Oct-18 00:28:36

You don't even need to do it on behalf of someone else. You witnessed her behaviour, first hand, twice.
I am sure her manager will be aware of her shortcomings. To do this to an elderly and vulnerable couple is shocking.
I watched this happen when recovering from surgery many moons ago. A nurse arrived on the ward and behaved like a grade A bitch to the elderly ladies on the ward. There were only six of us so you could hear everything.
When I left, I wrote to the sister, shit sandwich style, congratulating her on her excellent staff with one exception. Bubbled the whole sorry tale. She wrote back, informed me she was aware of issues with the nurse, explained she had spoken to her (she passed on her apologies) and informed me she was being put on compulsory training and formal reviews. Thanked me for stepping up. Reading between the lines, she had been looking for a reason to discipline but needed outside input to get cracking. Sad for the ladies who were so vulnerable (mostly life changing limb removal) but hopefully she will never do that to anyone ever again.
Complain formally. Your poor friend. No one should have to go through that.

LovelyGirlNOT Sat 06-Oct-18 00:29:42

YANBU and most definitely complain. Someone with so little empathy shouldn't be allowed to continue without some form of discipline and further training.

In fact, I'll never understand why thoughtless and insensitive people like this ever bother going into a care profession.

If you don't care, then don't care! But don't go into care, and get paid to care, when you clearly don't care.

You were restrained OP as a few expletives would definitely have spilled out of my mouth if I'd had that kind of confrontation with such a horrid heartless cow.

StillMe1 Sat 06-Oct-18 00:35:17

Well done OP. Your poor friend had enough to cope with having a husband with early onset dementia without having to deal with an obnoxious person. The fact that this person was a nurse is an abomination. It is very difficult when being a carer and having to have help from others such as District Nurses. There is always the worry about what they will do to the patient when the carer is not present or by "accident". I have had a few dodgy types around me who are nurses and they are extremely unpleasant and threatening. They act like they have a right to bully. Our Hospital has notices up about not shouting or swearing or being violent with nurses. People should not have to put up with abuse at work but equally patients and carers should not be abused or bullied by nurse (or any other hospital staff). I have seen this in care of the elderly mostly but also was present when a mother was in hospital with a child and a nurse ridiculed her in a full waiting room and in front of staff.
There are nurses who are definitely not angels.
Report her to the Nursing and Midwifery Council. Google for details.
Sorry to hear of your friend's sudden loss but glad she has such a supportive friend in OP

SummerIsEasy Sat 06-Oct-18 00:38:25

Find the number of the Patient Advice and Liaison Service for the NHS organisation this person is employed by and ring them to discuss your concerns.

I cannot help but notice your comment that "I pushed past the nurses and stood by the gate making sure they couldn't get out and then let her have it with both barrels".

Bear in mind that you mention that the second nurse "looked terrified" in your own words, so you may not like all the feedback you get. There may be some reason you are not aware of that nursing staff felt they needed to visit in pairs.

Oldsu Sat 06-Oct-18 00:43:57

Thank you all for your replies, I will look at the links and other information

SleepWarrior Sat 06-Oct-18 00:49:30

Wow, that's really shocking. Your poor friend.

I would imagine her managers know all about her but just plain sacking her isn't that easy, hence sending another nurse to accompany her. Another nurse costs money, they wouldn't do that just because of one little complaint. They did it because they know she's a nightmare and they hoped it would reign her in and be a simpler solution that going through HR etc. Just my guess.

Havabiscuit Sat 06-Oct-18 00:51:54

You need to report her o the Nursing and Midwifery Council. Go to the NMC website. There is a link to do just that. She has violated several of te codes of nursing practice. It matters not that it was your friends do she was treating. You itness her violating the code. She will be investigated. They take it very seriously.

Havabiscuit Sat 06-Oct-18 00:53:30

Oldsu Sat 06-Oct-18 00:55:15

SummerIsEasy I actually did say on another post that my friend believed they came in pairs after her complaint so they would back each other up if she complained again are you saying I was out of order? sorry I scared the other nurse but I wasn't out of order doing what I did I was angry but my anger was justified

Havabiscuit Sat 06-Oct-18 01:02:08

theOtherPamAyres Sat 06-Oct-18 01:06:43

I think you were great, OP.

The astonishingly inappropriate behaviour needed to be pointed out there and then, in front of witnesses - and that's what you achieved. In the circumstances, it is understandable that you were upset.

Thank goodness you were there to support the poor women, and to witness it first hand.

Good on you, standing up to bullies flowers

Oldsu Sat 06-Oct-18 01:10:33

theOtherPamAyres second time this week I faced down two teenagers who kicked a homeless man on Tuesday night - little sods I don't like bullies in any form

NewYoiker Sat 06-Oct-18 01:19:44

If you have her name I would refer to the nmc. She doesn't need more training she needs striking off

honeyrider Sat 06-Oct-18 01:22:24

Well done for letting the vile excuse of a nurse have it. If the other nurse is any way a decent human being she should confirm what the nasty nurse did and said, hopefully she's not one that will close ranks with her colleague.

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