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AIBU?

To be fucking fed up with DH

70 replies

amifuck · 28/09/2018 01:19

AIBU to be fucking fed up that every time me and DH have an argument he will ring up MIL and tell her all about it??? This happens even after we have "made up" from said argument.

I'm sick of having no fucking privacy!!!! I need some hardline MN advice about how to deal with this situation.

OP posts:

Report

MLMsuperfan · 28/09/2018 01:21

Ring her and give your side of the story.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/09/2018 01:28

There are three of you in this marriage, and that will never work. He's a weak mummy's boy. Get out, run a mile, and never look back.

Jellyjumpers · 28/09/2018 01:31

Has he allways done this?

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/09/2018 01:33

For sympathy, back up or to minister to his boo boos?

Thanks goodness my MIL would have told DH to keep his business at home!

Apileofballyhoo · 28/09/2018 01:35

If you've asked him not to and he still does it, what other ways does he show his utter disregard for your feelings?

amifuck · 28/09/2018 01:45

Yes he has always fucking done this.

Recently come to a head because we had an argument about me not talking to him about my mental health problems.

So now MIL knows all about it because he called her straight after said argument.

Am fucking fuming and done with this shit. Need some MN instruction on what to say/do!!!!!

OP posts:

pigsDOfly · 28/09/2018 01:52

It's pretty odd behaviour. What sort of response does he get from her? I'm guessing she's not telling him to get off the phone and talk to his wife.

Have you told him in no uncertain terms how this makes you feel.

Rebecca36 · 28/09/2018 01:57

He is well out of order to discuss your private business with anyone. I can't believe no-one has told him this before. It's appalling.

I don't think I would want to stay with someone like that, my privacy is so important to me. Not easy to just pack and go though.

amifuck · 28/09/2018 02:03

Thank you for making me realise I'm not overreacting. I am so angry/upset right now that I can't even sleep.

OP posts:

Holdingonbarely · 28/09/2018 02:15

What do you want him to do? Genuine question? I call my dad all the time and rant about all kinds of shit - relationship wise. Not straight after an argument, but I’ll offload
The main things are: does it affect your relationship
IS he lying to her
Does she use it against you

If none of the above then let it go,

MissedTheBoatAgain · 28/09/2018 02:16

There are three of you in this marriage, and that will never work. He's a weak mummy's boy. Get out, run a mile, and never look back

Best advice in my view.

Holdingonbarely · 28/09/2018 02:19

How the fuck can you read mummies boy from you hat little info

Holdingonbarely · 28/09/2018 02:19

From that little

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/09/2018 02:27

A few things to consider:
Does she use it against you?
Does she blab about it to anyone else?
Do you tell your own parent(s) about the rows and what your DH has done?
Do you get on well with her?

If yes to the first 2, then YANBU because he should not give her ammunition, or allow her access to private info about you that she can use to fuel her own gossiping.

If yes to the next one then you're on a bit of a sticky wicket in terms of being hypocritical.

If yes to the last one but no to the first 2, then YA probably being a bit U.

However, your DH should realise that there are some things that his mother doesn't need to know. Does he tell her all about his sex life? No? Why, does she not need to know that maybe? Then your personal health issues should fall into that category too.

If 1 and/or 2 are the case, then he's an utter bellend for continuing to tell her anything about you. But if he still hasn't got that, then there's little hope he's going to now, unless you do the same to him and he realises how unpleasant it is.

If it's just that he can't deal with anything on his own without discussing it with mummy first then he needs to grow the fuck up and be an adult.

Realistically, there isn't much good about this situation though - but it might not be so bad if she's a nice person, doesn't blab or hold it against you and you get on well.

notangelinajolie · 28/09/2018 03:10

No I would absolutely not want to be with a man who talks to his mother about his wife behind her back. Mummy's boy - no way is that the mark of a good marriage. Sorry, but he should be loyal to you. I'd read him the riot act.

Snitzelvoncrumb · 28/09/2018 03:14

I would be annoyed too, maybe explain you can't talk to him about private things because you don't trust him.

pallisers · 28/09/2018 03:21

When you grow up and you enter into a new adult relationship you stop telling your parent everything. some things yes. But not everything.

In my experience (I am middle aged) at a certain point in your late 20s/30s you realise that your parents don't actually want the burden of your problems so you stop telling them and gradually switch to being the person they can rely on rather than the otehr way around. People who can't do this are stunted and it isn't pleasant for them or their parents.

Your husband seems stuck in a parental relationship set about age 18 and frankly this would be a huge turn-off to me (as would the case of a pp who said she shares everything with her dad and rants at him about her relationship).

Either you are a grown up or you are not. This would be a bit of a deal breaker for me. Certainly I wouldn't bring children into a relationship where my husband/partner shared everything with his mum, including all my personal stuff.

OP. would you consider telling him you have shared everything between you with your brother/sister/mother/father/best friend and see how he reacts?

Jlynhope · 28/09/2018 03:27

Does he turn to her to complain about you or does he feel he need support? Our best friend went to his mom a lot because his wife had mental health issues and he simply needed a support person for himself. Is he doing this in front of you? Is he lying? Is it possible he just needs help dealing with your mental health struggles?

Thighofrelief · 28/09/2018 03:27

Is she his best mate rather than his mum? Do you moan about your DH to your mates? My dad is also my best mate and I talk to him about everything. He's non judgemental and a total secret keeper. I would say my adult son tells me a lot (he's not married though) because we have the same sense of humour and I'm unshockable. With your DH it may not be a baby/mummy thing. But if he is spilling your beans rather than his own that's not on.

junebirthdaygirl · 28/09/2018 03:41

It all depends on what he talks about. If its run of the mill stuff about little petty arguments its not on. But if you have mental health issues he needs support with that as you would if it was the other way round. My dh has mental health issues at times and l talk to my family as l need to off liad. I am sure lots of women on here talk to their mums if they are having marriage difficulties or their dh is driving them up the wall. So it all depends. General stuff no..serious stuff its ok. Can you genuinely say you have never discussed him with a friend / mother?

mathanxiety · 28/09/2018 04:11

Provoke an argument about some very intimate detail relating to your H - something he does or says during sex.

See how quickly he runs to mummy with that.

Notacluewhatthisis · 28/09/2018 04:16

How odd. If a woman spoke to her mum for someone to turn to and confide in and her partner was going mad. He would be labelled abusive and that he was trying to isolate her.

Funny when men do it, it's makes them mummies boys and they need to stop immediately.

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mathanxiety · 28/09/2018 04:33

He is not confiding in his mother, or mulling over problems with his wife with her.

He is giving her a blow by blow account of arguments he has with the OP.

every time me and DH have an argument he will ring up MIL and tell her all about it??? This happens even after we have "made up" from said argument.

Notacluewhatthisis · 28/09/2018 04:40

math ringing her and telling her all about it, is not giving a blow by blow account.

And so what if it is? If he needs some support, he needs some. Why is ringing her and telling her, definitely not seeking some advice and/or support?

No one would give a woman shit for seeking the same from her mother.

mathanxiety · 28/09/2018 05:47

I see a distinction between 'telling her about it' and 'telling her all about it'.

The first is having a moan that an argument has taken place. The second is a blow by blow account, as I see it.

The first is seeking support. The second is a cross between tattling and including your mother in matters that her nose doesn't belong in.

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