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AIBU?

Nursery shortening DDs name? Possibly UR and more WWYD?

193 replies

Isntitjustaname · 25/09/2018 17:37

DDs name is a fairly old but still common name (think Lillian or similar but not that). It’s 3 syllables easy to say and I know I am bias but very nice.

Nursery shorten her name (so to say Lily) but DD has said she doesn’t like it, her name is Lillian.

I’ve asked Nursery not to shorten it and use the name, but the Manager just says “Oh but Lily is cute and suits her”.

I have no issue with the Nursery other than this and I wouldn’t bother if DD wanted to be called Lily but she doesn’t she wants to be Lillian, which is fine by me as that’s her name. I won't remove her just on this issue as it's an outstanding private nursery and as I said no other issues than this.

WWYD? DD only says to me at home “My name is Lillian, not Lily or Lill” but she’s very quiet at Nursery and doesn’t really speak much (so I’m told) so don’t think she’d be able to say “My name is Lillian”

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Wolfiefan · 25/09/2018 17:39

If she doesn’t like it then I would insist on them using her full name. Can you encourage her to correct them? Grin

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yoyo1234 · 25/09/2018 17:40

Please encourage her to speak to them. Your name is so personal.

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MumW · 25/09/2018 17:40

Could you try role playing "my name is Lilian" at home so that the phrase trips off her tongue without thinking.

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AsAProfessionalFekko · 25/09/2018 17:40

Just have a word with them.

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EwItsAHooman · 25/09/2018 17:41

I would tell them that regardless of their opinion on the shorter version of her name that her actual name is "Lillian" and she prefers to be referred to as "Lillian" so they should respect her/your preference. It doesn't have to become an issue if said firmly but politely

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AsAProfessionalFekko · 25/09/2018 17:42

Please don't say 'respect my preference', just don't...

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Pecano · 25/09/2018 17:42

I think it’s quite rude of them to say “oh it’s cute and it suits her!”. They could decide any old name was cute and suited her, but it doesn’t make it her name!
I’m terrible for shortening children’s names, do to constantly. But if a parent told me they would rather I didn’t then I’d stop immediately.

I’d just reiterate to the manager that you don’t want her name to be shortened and it’s xausingg confusion/upset at home when DD talks about it. Ask the manager to ensure that all staff are aware of your wishes. It really shouldn’t be a problem for them to call her by her name!

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YeTalkShiteHen · 25/09/2018 17:42

Your DD is telling them she doesn’t like it and they’re not listening? That’s not fair, it’s her name!

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CloudCaptain · 25/09/2018 17:43

I would have to insist the manager and staff use dd's preferred name. Make it clear this is not coming from you it is coming from your dd.
Your dd is too shy and small to need to have to stand up for herself.

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TwoOddSocks · 25/09/2018 17:43

I would seek to them again, politely, tell them how pleased you are with the nursery but reiterate that DD doesn't like being called lilli it's unfamiliar to her and she doesn't feel confident enough to object so please could they call her by her full name.

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Bringonspring · 25/09/2018 17:43

Tell them to call her by her name!!

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EwItsAHooman · 25/09/2018 17:45

Please don't say 'respect my preference', just don't...

It's easy to say they should respect it without using that actual phrase but ultimately they should be respecting it. If you and your child prefer the longer version of your child's name and someone is already aware of this then it is really rude and disrespectful to persist in using the shortened name.

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Eeeeek2 · 25/09/2018 17:46

Tell them dd has told you that she doesn't like being called the shortening and wants to be known as her full name.

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AamdC · 25/09/2018 17:47

They are being very rude , I have an Alexander known as Alex , but hes always been known as Alex and his primary school only used Alex after they confirmed it was his "known as name" .If they persist start shortening their names and them you think its cuterHmm

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hibbledibble · 25/09/2018 17:48

It's not unreasonable to ask nursery to use your dd's preferred name.

My nursery age DD also has very strong feelings about not having her name shortened, or using terms of endearment for her. We go by her preferred name, as do nursery.

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AsAProfessionalFekko · 25/09/2018 17:50

Just tell them - if she is shy mention that she gets a bit flustered by it.

I'm sensitivive to this as I had the opposite issue - a long, unwieldy name (and later on really vulgar nicknames) and a school refused to use my shortened version. I used to really hate it when I had to say my name out loud and dreaded the question 'what's your name?'. Sometimes I used to say 'Jane'.

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Racecardriver · 25/09/2018 17:51

Just tell them that it is upsetting her. I know it seems trivial but at her age it could make her feel a bit unpleasant about nursery and you don't want that. It is not a hard adjustment for them to make and a perfectly reasonable request from your dd. The last thing you want is fir to grow up thinking its acceptable to shorten people's names if they don't want you to. That would not go down well at the office.

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zzzzz · 25/09/2018 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Isntitjustaname · 25/09/2018 17:53

Thank you everyone. I was worried I was being UR and told to just accept the shortened version. The longer version is on her birth certificate so it is her actual name, she's not lengthening it or anything.

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YearOfYouRemember · 25/09/2018 17:55

No wonder she's quiet at nursery Sad.

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YeTalkShiteHen · 25/09/2018 17:55

I think the biggest thing is that they’re not listening to your DD. It’s her saying she doesn’t like the shortening, so they should respect that.

DS1 and DD have nicknames for their full names, both go by them every day, schools are happy to go with what they choose. DS2 used to go by a nickname but changed his mind recently as he’s a “big boy now” and nursery accepted it and don’t use it any more.

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Isntitjustaname · 25/09/2018 17:57

She's quiet anywhere apart from home so it's not just Nursery so it's not the only reason she's quiet there, but can't be helping.

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8misskitty8 · 25/09/2018 18:04

Speak to them again, they are being unreasonable to call your dd a name not hers because it is ‘cute’.
Would they like it if you called them a different name because you thought it was ‘cute’, no they wouldn’t.

I had similar issue with a teacher at dd2’s school when she was 8 and her sister 11. She had been calling her ‘ little dd1 name ‘. She was teaching dd1 at the time.
dd2’s teacher told me as dd2 had told this teacher several times she didn’t like it and so had dd2’s teacher. At parents night I also spoke to her and asked her to stop.

The following year this teacher taught dd2 and kept doing it. Dd2 had enough and shouted at her not to call her that as her name is x.
The teacher Felt this was rude and had a word with me.
I pointed out that she was rude to continuely call her ‘ little dd1’s name* ‘ despite being told not to politely on several occasions the previous year.

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Rebecca36 · 25/09/2018 18:08

No one has the right to shorten another person's name or give them a nickname, however cute, without their consent. That applies to a child as much as an adult. So it would be perfectly in order for her to say, "My name is ...... please call me that".

When she's older she may like a diminutive, it is friendly, but has to be her choice.

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gowie3112 · 25/09/2018 18:10

Definitely insist on them using her actual name. I have a double barrelled first name and absolutely despise when people presume to shorten it. My name is Mary-ann not Mary. That's a completely different name! It's something I've hated my whole life but I never had the courage to correct people, even to this day I let it slide sometimes even though it grates on me Angry. Good on your DD for speaking out about her preference at such a young age, I'd try and encourage her to keep it up otherwise she'll be Lily for a long time.

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