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AIBU?

Wedding drama, any advice

143 replies

Andreamarie · 21/09/2018 11:01

So this is my first time ever posting anything online but my head is about to explode. Getting married next week and it's been a disaster with one of my bridesmaids who is my future sister in law, and my future mil. So a quick background, his mam is extremely controlling and pass remarkable,when my daughter was born i was breastfeeding she'd feed her formula any monetary gifts sent to my children on his side she took the cheques and cashed them in her employment and I was never told, only found out by finding texts on his phone, a substantial cheque was sent for the wedding which I told my partner to lodge himself, when she found out she rang demanding the cheque be given to her, I could keep going but we had a family bbq in June and she basically just tore into my whole family, my parents my siblings my brothers partner my partner and myself it was horrendous the things she said and in front of my kids and I'm not lying when I say nobody has ever said or done anything to this woman for her to behave the way she did. So two weeks ago my maid of honour done a timetable for the morning of the wedding and sent it to everyone, and future sisin law I kid you not wrote back that I should go first for hair and makeup so HER mam can get ready, so maid of honour told her it's not possible and the bride shouldn't be rushed to accommodate her mam and she responded with well she's not being left out it's HER son's wedding and she will be there to get her hair and makeup done as the hair and makeup girls are friends of hers and that's it, so MIL was expecting after attacking my whole family and I to rock up and use my hair and makeup people, so I contacted her myself and told her that given her mams behaviour it's not appropriate that she is here with the bridal party the morning of the wedding but to keep you two happy you keep the hair and makeup people ill try and find someone 3 weeks before my wedding to which she replied that's fine at least we're sorted then!!! The girl has done nothing but cause stress the whole way through everything she offered to do she done nothing and I mean nothing ignored texts etc, even down to jewellery I sent prices etc shops that had what I thought would be nice and she rang her brother my partner claiming she was never informed and that I'm trying to cause problems! When we put up about hats etc no-one is to wear a massive hat she actually recorded herself giving out about it and put it in the WhatsApp group for the wedding! Even though it's there in black and white! Not to mention she owes the other two bridesmaid money from the hen party and she's blanking them as well.and to top it off she's told me she'll be telling the photographer what to do to ensure he gets great pictures of HER!!!.
So do I tell her to step down or just go through for peace sake and cut ties after the wedding?

OP posts:
Snappedandfarted2018 · 21/09/2018 11:07

Let your dp deal with her yabu about dictating the hats.

ThistleAmore · 21/09/2018 11:11

Honestly? I'd call off the wedding, this woman sounds utterly batshit and it's only going to get worse.

Do you want to live the rest of your life in these people's pockets?

Smilingthru · 21/09/2018 11:13

Get DP to talk to her but be clear what you want him to achieve.

Also, please use punctuation! It’s free and makes reading long posts much easier. X

Bluesmartiesarebest · 21/09/2018 11:14

Call off the wedding or start saving up for a divorce.

Shoxfordian · 21/09/2018 11:22

Why are they even invited after being so rude to you and your family? You're being a complete pushover op

Doingreat · 21/09/2018 11:24

If your partner hasn't backed you up in any of this and called his mother out on her behaviour then I don't understand why you are marrying him. Call off the wedding op. You will be miserable being married to him. She will get worse and he will not support you.

RayRayBidet · 21/09/2018 11:26

Hmm, I think I wouldn't be happy marrying into that lot.
Tbh I think you need to have a frank discussion with your fiance and he needs to tell them all to stfu.
I take it he just lets her do all this and never says a word?

RayRayBidet · 21/09/2018 11:28

Why did you ask his sister to be a bridesmaid?

Aprilshowersnowastorm · 21/09/2018 11:28

Elope.
Much easy in your shoes.

TawnyTeal · 21/09/2018 11:30

So your soon to be MIL has stolen money (gifts) from your children? Or did she give the money to your DP?

Did your DP give her the wedding money cheque to cash? Have you received the money?

I'd honestly be telling both the soon to be SIL and MIL that they aren't welcome at the wedding, and presenting them both with bills for how much they owe your children, other bridesmaids and yourself (if MIL kept the money).

AdoreTheBeach · 21/09/2018 11:32

@Smilingthru Can I please borrow your comment in punctuation? Pet peeve of mine and I’d love to use it.

IABURQO · 21/09/2018 11:32

I don't understand why his mother is in your lives at all, nor why you are including his sister in the wedding party. If this is really their unprovoked behaviour and your partner doesn't want to cut them out himself then you're really heading for shit and should call off the wedding.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 21/09/2018 11:35

I can't believe younare having this woman as a bridesmaid, of course you should drop her. Does your partner back you up?

TomHardysNextWife · 21/09/2018 11:40

Marrying into that lot........... batshit.

Call it off while you can.

Bluejeanz · 21/09/2018 11:43

All cheques are crossed afaik and have to be paid into an account the name of the payee? How could she possibly have chased them?

She sounds nuts.

mostdays · 21/09/2018 11:51

Why are you going ahead with the wedding? You're marrying into this?

rosablue · 21/09/2018 12:00

I would tell the mil that if she doesn't pay you/bridesmaids the money for the cheques within the next 24 hours, you will go to the police to report them stolen as you haven't received the money.

If mil has used her work to pay them in to herself rather than you/your dc/etc then I would also point out that you will be contacting them to report her and ask them to return the money to you or the cheques' originators so that they can repay you. Hopefully they would not need to be told that mil needs to be disciplined for this - or maybe sacked.

But hopefully the police would arrest her and then she wouldn't be able to come to your wedding.

If she is really harassing you - any chance of getting one of those orders that forbids her from coming within 100 yards of you? OK so that's slightly wishful thinking and tongue in cheek but yo do need to do a big sit down and think as to whether or not you want to become legally tied to this family - however much you love your dp, if he is enabling his mum currently then he is only going to get worse as the years go on. (you can probably tell I'm not a lawyer!)

actualpuffins · 21/09/2018 12:00

This reply has been deleted

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LagunaBubbles · 21/09/2018 12:01

Your post is missing a few significant details, mainly where is your partner in all of this mess? You haven't mentioned him at all regarding what he makes of it and why these people are even coming to your wedding!! If he cant support you against them then why on earth are you getting married?

KingLooieCatz · 21/09/2018 12:09

Better to get out now I think and count yourself lucky you found out what they were like before you got married.

At the very least postpone the wedding and see if your DFiancé can install some boundaries and his side can respect them, then try again.

LagunaBubbles · 21/09/2018 12:10

So this is my first time ever posting anything online but my head is about to explode. Getting married next week and it's been a disaster with one of my bridesmaids who is my future sister in law, and my future mil.

So a quick background, his mam is extremely controlling and pass remarkable, when my daughter was born I was breastfeeding she'd feed her formula. Any monetary gifts sent to my children on his side she took the cheques and cashed them in her employment and I was never told, only found out by finding texts on his phone. A substantial cheque was sent for the wedding which I told my partner to lodge himself, when she found out she rang demanding the cheque be given to her.

I could keep going but we had a family bbq in June and she basically just tore into my whole family, my parents my siblings my brothers partner my partner and myself, it was horrendous the things she said and in front of my kids and I'm not lying when I say nobody has ever said or done anything to this woman for her to behave the way she did.

So two weeks ago my maid of honour done a timetable for the morning of the wedding and sent it to everyone, and future sis in law (I kid you not) wrote back that I should go first for hair and makeup so HER mam can get ready! So maid of honour told her it's not possible and the bride shouldn't be rushed to accommodate her mam and she responded with well she's not being left out it's HER son's wedding and she will be there to get her hair and makeup done as the hair and makeup girls are friends of hers and that's it.

So MIL was expecting after attacking my whole family and I to rock up and use my hair and makeup people, so I contacted her myself and told her that given her mams behaviour it's not appropriate that she is here with the bridal party the morning of the wedding but to keep you two happy you keep the hair and makeup people I will try and find someone 3 weeks before my wedding to which she replied that's fine at least we're sorted then!!!

The girl has done nothing but cause stress the whole way through everything she offered to do she done nothing and I mean nothing ignored texts etc, even down to jewellery. I sent prices etc shops that had what I thought would be nice and she rang her brother my partner claiming she was never informed and that I'm trying to cause problems!

When we put up about hats etc no-one is to wear a massive hat she actually recorded herself giving out about it and put it in the WhatsApp group for the wedding! Even though it's there in black and white! Not to mention she owes the other two bridesmaid money from the hen party and she's blanking them as well.and to top it off she's told me she'll be telling the photographer what to do to ensure he gets great pictures of HER!!!.

So do I tell her to step down or just go through for peace sake and cut ties after the wedding?

Zebra31 · 21/09/2018 12:13

It all sounds nuts. Where is your DP in all this?

I may have missed something but how is she cashing chqs addressed to someone else?

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Thehop · 21/09/2018 12:14

I married and got one of these mother in laws. I was very happy to divorce him because his mother and sisters caused so much grief we could t function.

Walk away from this NOW. You’ll never ever breathe easy again.

crimsonlake · 21/09/2018 12:18

Why on earth would you be marrying in to that kind of family, big mistake.

HoppingPavlova · 21/09/2018 12:23

TBH you all sound batshit.
MIL and SIL sound unhinged.
Your DH to be for putting up with and being party to what’s going on.
You for ridiculous hat requests which I can imagine is only the tip of the iceberg, seriously are you expecting Beatrice and Eugenie as guests?

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