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To be put out a gift was sold on?

(78 Posts)
csigeek Wed 19-Sep-18 13:56:52

Long story short, gave some baby things to SIL a little while ago and I've just noticed all of the items have gone up for sale on Facebook marketplace.
AIBU to be a bit annoyed that she's selling them rather than offering them back or giving to charity?

YouWereRight Wed 19-Sep-18 13:59:43

Perhaps she forgot what she'd been given, and bought herself.

Once you give something it's gone. It's a bit odd to be so blatant about it, but it is now hers.

greyspottedgoose Wed 19-Sep-18 14:00:53

You will get people along saying when you gift something it belongs to the recipient to do as they wish, BUT it's a shitty thing to do and I'd be annoyed.

I'd be tempted to message her and say thank you for selling the baby bits for me will save me doing it, the money will come in handy for the car/boiler service etc

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall Wed 19-Sep-18 14:02:34

YANBU obviously she's legally entitled to do it but it's bad manners - especially when you can see it on facebook! Anything I've been given would be regifted or donated (unless I was massively struggling financially in which case I think it's fine).

Ashfordmum Wed 19-Sep-18 14:08:57

Yanbu. Any items I was given for my baby once I finished with them I checked that the person that handed them down to me didn't want them back before I either passed to the next person or sold.

onewayoflife Wed 19-Sep-18 14:14:46

Did you make it obvious they were for her to keep rather than just being lent to her?

CocoCabanarama Wed 19-Sep-18 14:18:42

That's really shitty, you'll get people saying once it's gifted it's theirs to do whatever they want with, but that's really crass - I'm afraid I'd have to bring I think up with her.

A friend of mine once gave someone an antique rocking chair as they'd not got the space for it anymore, they'd paid a good couple of hundred quid for it, thought about selling it, but their friend had always admired it - the next time they saw it, it had been upcycled in canary yellow - the recipient loved it but they'd brushed away all the value with those yellow paint strokes.

cleopatracomingatya Wed 19-Sep-18 14:23:53

baby things tend to get passed over or sold on once used, most of the stuff is only used for a couple months. i wouldnt be too upset about this

Mamabear4180 Wed 19-Sep-18 14:36:13

Has she already used them for her baby?

politicalgames Wed 19-Sep-18 14:38:51

She's probably forgotten where things came from. I forgot instantly.

bakingdemon Wed 19-Sep-18 14:41:45

With everything people have given to us ahead of baby's arrival, I've made sure to say "do you want it/them back?" Some people do as they've used things for their first baby and will want them back for their next one. But I'd never sell on anything like that - I'd just pass it on to the next person I know who had a baby. But unless you specifically said you wanted things back when her baby was done with them, I don't think you get to tell her what to do with them.

gamerchick Wed 19-Sep-18 14:44:45

Has she already used them?

Tbh although it's really bad manners, it is hers to do whatever with as a gift. However I wouldn't be giving her anything else and telling her why if it comes up. Blotted the copy book and all that.

Or if you really want to be mischievous you could always post under one of them that if she was so strapped for cash you would have slipped her a few quid instead.

Wolfiefan Wed 19-Sep-18 14:48:32

Depends. Big items like a cot or pushchair I wouldn’t expect someone to sell on. But clothes? If she’s been given lots she may not remember what came from where. Did you say you wanted it back?

BalloonSlayer Wed 19-Sep-18 14:49:32

Can't you just post on there:

"That's mine actually. I'll have it back if you're finished with it and sell it myself thanks SIL."

SnuggyBuggy Wed 19-Sep-18 14:50:11

I don't get the giving and wanting them back thing to be honest.

lifeofdreams Wed 19-Sep-18 14:51:09

It’s a really shitty thing to do.

I know of someone who was given a small quad bike for nothing as the other person’s child
Had outgrown it and the recipient sold it for a couple of hundred pounds. They had form though. It makes me certain that I’d never ever give them anything.

I’d call your SIL on it

EssentialHummus Wed 19-Sep-18 15:03:08

Did she ask you for them, or did you offer/give without her input? I just ask because we've had a few "We can't use these gorgeous clothes anymore, you have them" recently. Now, in our case the clothes really are gorgeous and perfectly timed, but I can totally imagine being too put upon to say no and then needing to somehow get rid of them.

EssentialHummus Wed 19-Sep-18 15:03:56

(Having said that, when I give something I don't expect to see it back... or immediately sold.)

Sandstormbrewing Wed 19-Sep-18 15:11:34

Was it a gift, or was it second hand stuff you were passing on?

If was a gift, then it is hers to do with as she wishes. If it was stuff that was yours and you gave her to use, then YANBU.

Twotailed Wed 19-Sep-18 15:16:15

I don’t really get why it’s shitty. If the clothes have some personal or monetary value to you, either don’t give them away or let the recipient know you will want them back. If they don’t have that value, why do you mind that the new owner has decided to pass them on or sell them?

I think it’s a bit much to expect new parents to keep a catalogue of who gave what so that they can check if it’s ok to sell it. I think it’s your responsibility not to give away items if you still want some say over what happens to them after.

KC225 Wed 19-Sep-18 15:16:25

Its not about giving items and wanting them back. Its about someone giving you things and then you being an old grab and and trying to profit from a nice gesture. I knew the grabby apologists would be out. 'Maybe she forgot'. She had a baby not a lobotomy. She didn't forget, she is trying to score some coinage from free stuff.

Text or email her and say or better still comment on the page. 'Did you forget I am on Facebook. These are the items I GAVE you'

Winchester89 Wed 19-Sep-18 15:19:04

Depends how it was given.
When my friend had her first I gave her a crib, walker, bumbo seat, bouncer as she was struggling and all were given back when finished with as we planned to have more children.
Im having another now and she is giving me her next to me crib to use. Without her having to say I know this doesn't mean it is mine and I can now sell it ! wouldn't dream of it!

MsHopey Wed 19-Sep-18 15:26:18

I had baby stuff from an auntie.
I specifically asked what she wanted me to do with them when I was finished. She said clothes I could do what I wanted with them.
But all bigger items to check with her as another auntie was due to have a baby.
I gave a few items back but have been a bit shit because I'm pregnant again (they don't know yet) and haven't offered them to the other auntie as I'm worried I won't get them back and money is tight.
No one's specially asked for them and I haven't sold or got rid of them.
I feel a bit like a CF but needs must.

CoughLaughFart Wed 19-Sep-18 15:27:29

I think it’s a bit naff to sell stuff on, but I wouldn’t ask if someone wanted something back - not when we’re talking baby clothes. I understand that certain baby clothes hold precious memories, but surely you wouldn’t pass them on in the first place? There’s a big difference between the matinee jacket your mother hand-knitted and a George at Asda babygro they grew out of in a few weeks.

MsHopey Wed 19-Sep-18 15:27:39

In my defence she asked me to let her know when I've finished using them.
Technically i still have a use for them.

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