If you have mixed raced children and are white

[1981fishgut]

Just wanted to know really if you have mixed raced children and are white what uncomfortable truths have you come to know if any


I myself have mixed raced children but am black


i think my husband learned that you can’t manage racism to keep close relationships so sadly he’s had to go NC with mil and that pretty much means going NC with his dad and bother as well sadly


A-I did not realise is that some people with mixed raced children roundly view their children as white

B- some black people think I am a self hating black person for marrying somone white


I read this from a blog I am following it’s from white American mum who adopted a black child but I think this can equally apply to white mum with mixed raced child

As white parents adopting children of color, we must choose our children over our comfort. This means finding a diverse church or a church with black leadership, it means seeking out close friendships with people of color, it means having a Black Lives Matter sign, it means moving to a diverse neighborhood, it means kneeling for the anthem and protesting systemic racism, it means uncomfortable conversations with our white family.



Or maybe you learned some things that have surprised you in a positive way

[Teensandfuture]

I have mixraced children and Im white.it doesn't help my kids are darker skin colour and I'm routinely asked who am I to them as we dont look similar.
I try to show them that opportunities for them are there irrespective of their skin colour but reality is they have to work harder then nonblack peers to be seen in the same way. My sons will be stopped and searched, they routinely pulled out in airport queues and drug tests are done on them by security (never happened to me or on my watch to others).
They been treated harshly in school by teachers, often singled out .Once my elder been accused by school of stealing laptop when he had nothing to do with it and real thief later on admitted to it.We haven't received an apology at all.
Lots of similar examples and I suspect its going to get worse as they're approaching adulthood.

[1981fishgut]

Teensandfuture

My experience as black person tells me you are correct the only way we have been able to shelter ds 18 from it has been by living in very diverse areas but even still


He still has issues

[rainingcatsanddog]

I am mixed race and people from both cultures consider me 100% the other culture despite the fact that I've been educated and lived in one of the countries for 35 years of my life. My children are assumed to be 100% the other culture too even though their genetic split is 75%/25%

[1981fishgut]

Ah very interesting

[Camomila]

I'm white (Italian) and live in the UK.
DS is Italian/Filipino. I see my job as teaching him about his Italian side and DHs as teaching him about his Filipino side.
But mainly I want DS to see himself as British and not constrained by his ethnicity if that makes sense?
DS looks mixed race if he's with me (mousy and blue eyed) or Italian if he's with my family (traditional olive skinned Italians) or Filipino if I'm not there and he's with the ILs

We have recently moved somewhere much more 'white' though because its better in every other way than the multicultural place we were living before - that's confused some of DHs friends/relatives. Tbh, I think our main larger family tensions have been London vs. Not London rather than race related.

[Merryoldgoat]

I’m mixed race (Caribbean and White British) but an unusual background means I look European - most often thought to be Greek/Italian/Spanish so all my life was privy to the casual racism of supposedly ‘right’ thinking people because they thought it was ‘safe’ to make comments to and around me.

One of my son’s looks like he’s European - Caucasian features, straight hair, olive skin. The other is blond and blue eyed and looks completely white so they will have an ‘easy’ time as they don’t appear black/mixed but it’s important for them to understand and be proud of their heritage so they can confront the casual racism they’ll undoubtedly encounter.

My uncle by marriage is white and his two children (my cousins) have a similar look to me. He always thought my aunt was OTT emphasising their heritage as they grew up and thought it was unnecessary. Until they went on holiday in the UK to rural Wales and some people shouted at him in the street that he was a traitor and that his children were mongrels.

Racism needs to be confronted at every turn and mixed race children need to understand their heritage and the context in wider society.

[Creeper8]

Im not white I am mixed race but half white half st lucian, my childrens dad is jamaican. People constantly mistake me for being white even my kids have started saying im white

[WhirlyGigWhirlyGig]

I'm white and have mixed race childre, I do not view them as white, they're 50/50 of each race.

Teen mine have been stopped and searched far more than any of their white friends.

[Creeper8]

I should add with mine is I dont know whether they should be classed as black or mixed as they are only 1/4 white, I know if someone told me they were 1/4 black I would just consider them white, but my children look very much mixed race and not full black. All my mixed race friends class themselves as black.

[puzzledlady]

This is us, my husband’s family largely see my children are white and mine see them as mixed race (I’m mixed) I don’t really care anymore what everyone thinks - I cared about it long enough. On paper - the children are out down as ‘white british’ which doesn’t bother me, they’ve been born here.

[doedoe90303811]

You can't really generalise about 'mixed race', I don't think, far too many combinations.

[Haworthia]

My children are mixed white/Asian and are very white looking. This means I don’t really attract any comments, other than surprise when they learn that they’re mixed.

I think it’s harder to be the brown parent of white looking children because people can’t really get their heads around that (whereas people aren’t so confused to see brown looking children with a white parent). I think it’s because people only have a basic grasp of genetics: brown genes = dominant and white genes = recessive. So, present them with a brown person and their fair skinned children and they get confused, like it isn’t genetically possible.

[Merryoldgoat]

Brown genes dominant?

[Haworthia]

Yes, as in brown skin, hair or eyes.

[Merryoldgoat]

That’s not how the genetics of skin colour works. There are at least 8 genes which play a part in skin colour and it’s not about ‘dominance’, rather the blend of genes you inherit from your parents.

[Haworthia]

Yes, I know that What I said was, most people have only a basic grasp of genetics in relation to skin/eye/hair colour. They assume that brown trumps blue, dark trumps fair, and therefore get really confused when they see a light skinned child with light hair out with a darker skinned/haired parent. They assume, sometimes, that person can’t really be their parent!

[Merryoldgoat]

Ah! Gotcha!

[formerbabe]

I'm white with mixed race children. I'm really confused by your post...and am not quite sure what you are getting at? I'm wondering if what I think you're saying is more relevant to the US than the UK.

[KindergartenKop]

I agree with what you're saying about people being confused by seeing a brown skinned parent with a light skinned mixed race child. My in laws get loads of weird looks when they take my fair skinned kids out. My kids have much more contact with their non white extended family and get lots of opportunities to engage with their culture. School is 50% white British and 50% lots of other cultures/colours/nationalities and so the only way they are different at school is perhaps by being mixed rather than of one culture.
I wasn't aware of the concept of 'othering' before I met DH, luckily this is the extent of the racism I've noticed towards him. I do feel we, as a family, stand out like a sore thumb if we visit rural areas. That makes me uncomfortable.

[Dumela]

I don't like these sort of threads. Simply because they tend to grow into monsters.

[Ninoo25]

I’m white with mixed race children. The eldest looks mixed and the youngest looks white. My youngest used to think she was white and that she took after me and her sister took after her Dad (both have same parents). It took a lot of explaining and a while for her to understand. I think it’s important for them to learn about and be proud of their background, but the sad truth is my daughter who appears white will probably have an easier ride than her big sister when she grows up

[Racecardriver]

I have mixed race children and I am white. Well, sort of. I pale but my race is very diverse in appearance and our culture is more middleeastern than anything else. Obviously there was a lot of gossip about how I married outside of the race but this was all relayed to me second hand and wasn't because my husband wasn't white (it would have been worse if he was white). I can't say I have had any experience es related to their biracialness because I don't socialise with barbarians. I have however seen a lot of lower class white people treat my husband badly (well not openly, they wouldn't dare but in the kind of way that they are unnecessarily rude and unhelpful). They don't seem to understand that when you are not white but poor you family is still likely upper middle/upper class uk origin. There seems to be a lot of resentment towards migrant children who do well (in a those bloody immigrants taking our jobs, they came from where I came from, I would probably be a lawyer if all those immigrants hadn't taken the good jobs kind of way). But that wasn't massive surprise, I grew up around it but I never saw it directed so squarely at my family before (grew up in Australia where people are more tolerant towards success).

[Brainfogmcfogface]

I’m white with mixed race children (their father is black Caribbean) and shortly after my first was born I came to the realization that despite her mixed herratige the world sees her as a black girl, therefore I have to raise her to be a proud black woman even if that’s to the detriment of her “white side” I’m not with the dad and he’s not a constant in their lives, his family has nothing to do with my children owing to their own views on interracial relationships, so it’s down to me to somehow ensure that she is very proud of her skin color (most people would think she’s “lighter skinned black” not necessary mixed) and her black heritage, so I take her to Afro Caribbean salons, we’ve been to African heritage events etc. I’ve seen her treated differently and have come to the realization that despite her being part me in my eyes, the world in general, they see a little black girl and it’s my duty to make sure she’s owns that! Is comfortable and happy and more then anything confident in her (their) identity. I see far to many white single mothers to mixed race children not acknowledging their duel heritage and ignoring it completely, which will surely can only lead to self hate in their children. One woman I know uses
racial slurs around her mixed race child and let’s her other (white) children use them too because it’s “ok their brother is black! makes my blood boiI!
I want my kids to be completely comfortable in their skin and to be proud of who they are and where they come from. It’s hard though, mine are ultimately being raised in a white family (who all adore them!) in a predominantly white community (not by choice but circumstances dictate) with no strong black influences in their day to day lives.

[Grimtimes]

I'm mixed race English /Indian, have a slight tan colour and very pasty in winter. Although in the summer when I do get a real dark tan and go overseas I am spoken to like a native in Spain, Italy and Portugal and haven't a clue.....I obviously cause much confusion.
It was a friends family who decided to invite the whole neighbourhood to a street party and not invite my sister and I that made me realise that we were different.
My parents took all the flack by getting married in the 60's when mixed marriages were rare. They just told us to ignore anyone who was abusive.
I can imagine nowadays it's harder again as I do believe racism is on the rise.

[Stuckforthefourthtime]

We have four DCs, I'm fair, my husband is asian, 2 of our children look European and 2 don't, and it's been very educational to see how they and we are treated. In different groupings.

We've really noticed that people find it odd and sometimes worrying seeing a darker skinned man in charge of lighter skinned children. Someone once called security in a shopping centre when Ds2 was having a tantrum (because my DH wouldn't get him.more ice-cream - and all in English, so if they'd just listened for a sec they would have heard more). Security were very nice and Ds2 apparently very apologetic,, but
it was afteritr that incident that DH finally shaved his beard. Also, ds1 still talks about it, children are smart and notice these things acutely.