Mum at school making me feel crap!

[VillianInaDress]

Hello everyone. I want to start by saying I'm not a nutter but I am very confused about this mum at school and how she makes me feel. I live in a very affluent and pretty village in Derbyshire. DS1 and DS2 go to the local school which is a wonderful place DH has a great job and I run my own little business from home so I am very happy in general. Since school started, there is this mum, and I had heard about her previously but not really seen her. I only saw her this last week or two and I am going to sound so pathetic here but, she makes me feel like crap. Every single time I've seen her since school has started again I've just stared and felt like a right frump in comparison. I thought she was about 25 found out on Friday that she's nearer 40. She doesn't dress inappropriately but her legs and bottom look amazing in just a pair of leggings! WTF? She wears heels every single day, every day! And I've seen her run into the playground wearing these heels!!! Shas 3 kids, one has just started reception and from what I know she is divorced.
She makes everything look so easy. Her kids always look immaculate with best hair and clothes. Oh and packed lunches for all 3 and my DS has told me that she puts notes on little napkins for them and sometimes they even bring in homemade goodies rather then the soggy cheese sandwiches I give to my kids. I've been told she is doing a degree in law AND she's a freakin school governor and she just looks gorgeous every single day!!!! How? And why am I feeling like this?
Most of the other mums say nasty things about her because apparently she's not very friendly and even I see she just brings her 3 DDs and then leaves without talking to anyone. But my DS is friendly with her oldest DD and from what he tells me her DD is really kind and not like other typical 10 /11 year old girls so this mum must be doing something right?
I want to say hello to her because maybe she's lonely? Or maybe I am? To make it worse, DH knew exactly who I was talking about when I mentioned her to hin and he said all the dads at school drool over her which made me wonder if he does too? I've only had 2 children and I am only 29 but I look older then this other mum who has a good 10 years on me. I am normally not like this, why does this mum make me feel so inadequate? She doesn't come across as stuck up, more just not wanting to get involved but then why does she make such an effort to look so good if she doesn't care what others have to say about her? Why does she affect me this way? I now feel paranoid about letting my husband go to the school in case he sees her and thinks how unattractive and lazy I am compared to her AND the heels!

Help!!!!

[foxotterhare]

You are hilarious OP.

I don't think there is any answer to this. Other than making friends and asking her to take you to the gym. :)

If your DH had a crush I doubt he would have said what he did. But don't bring her home for coffee.

[peonysandhotcrossbuns]

It's her time. Be happy for her and start putting things in place to shine yourself. Maybe she was struggling in earlier years and now makes the best of herself and life?
Comparison = thief of joy etc etc

[ilovesooty]

She isn't making you feel anything. It's about your own self perception.
She isn't central to this - she's just been the catalyst that has caused to to reflect on yourself.

[Gloved]

She isn’t making you feel anything. She’s just being herself and going about her business. How you feel is down to you.
I think you should stop fixating on her it’s a bit intrusive.

[VillianInaDress]

Thank you for replying. I think my DH defintley takes an interest in her. All the dads from the school go to the local pub and they all say how great it would be if their wives made the same effort.I think that's unfair because they're basically saying the rest of us don't try and when I asked DH if he agreed he said he didn't but I'm not comfortable with him being in those conversations.
Maybe your right about her time to shine but does she have to shine so brightly!!!!

[gamerwidow]

Agree with others the problem is with your own self esteem not this woman. It sounds like the other women feel threatened by her too which is why she’s got the reputation of being unfriendly despite not actually doing anything.
There is nothing wrong with you and you don’t have to compare yourself to her. Through life you’re always going to meet people who are more attractive or more successful or richer. Then having more doesn’t make you have less. Be proud of your own life and don’t compare yourself to others, you’re really on a hiding to nothing if you do.

[Raver84]

You sound very odd. She probably realises everyone gossips about her putting notes etc in lunchboxes and wants to steer clear of busy body mums with nothing better to do than be mean.

Why would you give her a second thought just because she puts a bit of effort into looking nice.

Concentrate on doing something to make you feel good about yourself and leave her to it.

[gamerwidow]

All the dads from the school go to the local pub and they all say how great it would be if their wives made the same effort.
That’s not on her either. That’s their fault for being sexist arseholes. I’d love to see the effort they put into being attractive for their wives.

[Marie0]

Aw bless you :)

She may only need 4 hours sleep at night and spends the rest of the time ensuring she and everyone / everything else is perfect :)

[Bluntness100]

She hasn't done anything to you. It's all in your head because your jealous of her. She can dress as she pleases. She's not doing it to impress the other parents clearly, as she gets in drops off and leaves.

This isn't about her. It's about you and your jealousy. Stop blaming her.

[VillianInaDress]

Thank you Marie!! This is what I mean. It's not normal to do all that she does without some sacrifice somewhere. No one is that perfect.

[Bluntness100]

She may only need 4 hours sleep at night and spends the rest of the time ensuring she and everyone / everything else is perfect

Jeez, are you jealous just at the thought of her? Want a saucer of milk?

[Constipatedcat]

If anyone from your children's school reads this I know what the topic of conversation will be next week.

[BertyFlanter]

GoCSEs

[Iwasjustabouttosaythat]

Hah, this really is small town gossip. ALL the other parents are obsessing about her butt. If it were Midsomer Murders you would all be suspects. I would feel sorry for all involved but it’s just too ridiculous.

[HappyFeet1212]

Is she called Sam Brick?

[Littlebluebird123]

Tbh from what you've said, I feel sorry for her.
She's trying really hard to look after her kids and herself and everyone else has got nothing better to do than judge her for it? No wonder she makes no effort in the playground. I hope she has real friends elsewhere who appreciate the fact that she's doing well and is probably quite a thoughful and kind person. (I make that assumption because of the lovely notes, that her dds are kind and she's involved in school life as a governor.) And that if things are hard (as everyone has that) they are supportive not secretly cheering as I imagine everyone in your village would do.
:(

[NoLeslie]

I had this. I decided to buy my husband some heels and leggings, and a pen to write lunchbox notes.

[ilovesooty]

So you're thanking one poster for validating your jealousy but not taking on board what anyone else says about concentrating on your own self esteem?

[Fluckle]

Maybe point out to your DH that if you and all the other mums made the same efforts that this woman does, then maybe you'd realise your own value and you'd jettison your husbands too.

Life is too short for jealousy. Make friends with her. Find out how she does it. Do it too if you want to.

[greendale17]

It's not normal to do all that she does without some sacrifice somewhere. No one is that perfect.

^I disagree with you saying it is not normal. To me it sounds perfectly reasonable.

[1forsorrow2forjoy]

There was a Mum at my kids school who made me feel a bit like this, gorgeous clothes, hair and makeup impeccable at 8.30 in the morning. Very intimidating until I got to know her and found out her private life is a complete shit show. Nothing to be jealous of. She puts on the performance at the school gates to keep a hold of the tiny bit of confidence she has x

[Bluntness100]

Sounds like she's got a life and doesn't feel the need to hang around the school looking for mates and judging other mums.

Good for her.

[ShalomJackie]

Great - presumably all.the other mums dislike the divorcee because all their husbands lust after her! Presumabkybthe reason she drops and runs is because no-one makes her feel welcome.

You are playing right into the perfect school mums stereotype in your affluent, pretty village.


Poor woman - single mum that is. Maybe she can prepare lunches and notes because she hasn't got a stereotypical Neanderthal type DH like the rest of you to pander to. And maybe she has gone back to doing a degree to support her family or to fulfill her intellect.

[Bombardier25966]

She's an attractive woman who likes home cooking and studies in her spare time.

I'm not seeing anything unusual here.

And if you want to look good in leggings, yoga is a game changer.