Should I give up my 2 child free hours a week so DH doesn't have to toddler wrangle?

[Magair]

Hopefully this won't be too long.....

I work 2 long days a week (11.5 hour shifts), DH works 5 days a week, out of the house 0810 - 1845. I have my 2.5 yr old when I am not working. DH more than pulls his weight at home, we have a cleaner and so home life runs smoothly. We each have a good social life separately and together.

Every Sunday morning, DH takes our 6 year old to rugby training, and takes the 2.5 year old with him. They are out from 945 until 12, and this is the only child free time I get a week, apart from evenings when they are asleep. I generally potter, do tidying, do some washing and walk the dog for an hour, and read the papers.

However, taking the toddler to rugby is becoming a real chore for DH. He no longer wants to be confined to the buggy, and wants to run around the field, into the woods, pet the dogs etc. It's a massive site. DH follows him round for 2 hours, occasionally trying to steer him back to where DS1 is training. Occasionally DS2 will consent to sit and have a snack. It's not much fun for DH, who works really hard and also does a lot at home.

I have not been asked, but I am starting to feel guilty about the above and thinking I should have DS2 at home or take it in turns to take to rugby or some other solution. I really really don't want to..... I also follows DS2 around whilst DS1 swims every week, and it's the worst hour of the week! Plus I have DS2 all the time when not at work and although he is fabulous he is absolutely full on and I love those couple of hours every week to myself.

DH gets no time at all alone in the house, although it doesn't bother him as he doesn't enjoy being alone.

AIBU to keep Sunday mornings for myself?

[AnyFucker]

Alternate weeks ?

[ChiaraRimini]

I'd also be trying to get DS2 into playgroup or similar on your non working days so you can get a break in the week even if he is just there for a couple of hours . My DSs were like this and it was exhausting.

[Rainbowqueeen]

Agree with AF.

Also does he take stuff for your toddler to do while they are there? Eg a tricycle with a handle and he can push toddler round or a ball so they can have their own game. What about something really time consuming to eat and the rule is you must stay in the buggy while you eat

[PotteringAlong]

Keep DS2 at home, alternate who goes to rugby which much need minimal parental input.

[5SecondsFromWilding]

I'd probably offer to take turns with rugby, then you each get a few hours every other week to wind down.

[agedknees]

Try alternate weeks as pp suggested. Seems a win win suggestion.

[TwistedStitch]

Can you not have your childfree morning on a Saturday instead? He could take the DC out for a couple of hours. Tbh I don't think it's fair on anyone for the 2 year old to be going to the rugby. I have a bit larger age gap and try not to drag the 3 year old along to the older one's activities because it's nice for him to be the focus and have something away from his younger sibling.

[LokiBear]

I think yabu - I say this kindly. Your 6yo is missing out on having his dad watch because the toddler is being a toddler. Dh used to work late (he is a teacher so I actually mean stay at school to get stuff done rather than bring it home) on the day I took dd7 to her swiming lesson. Id sit and watch with a happy dd2. Until dd2 vecame a toddler and I spent my time wrestling her and trying to get into the water. Sitting in the cafe meant dd1 was upset I wasnt watching. Dh had to suck it up and look after dd2. I think you need to accept it was nice whilst it lasted and look forward to dc2 being old enough to play so you get your time back again.

[CatLadyToddlerMother]

Is DS2 in Nursery when your at work? Would they have room for him for an extra morning a week and can you afford it? Then you could have some child free time, have DS2 on a Sunday and find a couple of hours at some point in the week for DH to have time to himself.

[MyBrexitUnicornDied]

Taking a 2 year old to watch a rugby match isn’t fun. I think some alternative needs to be found

[AvoidingDM]

I'm another who'd suggest either alternate weeks. Depending on age of older DC and the amount to parental input required could the rugby going parent also take the dog so LO and dog go for a walk in the woods while older one is training?

[Didiusfalco]

This sounds tough on your dh. Things change and you need to go with them, that stage where they want to run around having been happy to sit in pushchair is hard. Any chance of an extra couple of hours nursery to give you a break in the week? Could whoever takes dc1 take the dog and walk it while the rugby practice is on?

[category12]

Alternate weeks seems fair.

[Sirzy]

I think for the sake of the 6 year old you need to find a better plan. He is missing out of someone there to cheer him on.

Find an alternative time to get your (much needed!) downtime

[Justabouthadituptohere]

I keep my youngest home. I don’t get other child free time but you have to count your social life and the evenings as Child free time. That Sunday morning is a bit of a luxury. I think it’s inportant to try and help your DH as your eldest isn’t tying the attention he needs because of the 2 year old. Not sure what you do Sunday AM but perhaps take it in turns is the other option?

[leghairdontcare]

You cope at swimming and he copes at rugby. If you haven't been asked I wouldn't volunteer.

[m00rfarm]

Maybe go with them every other week so you can also get to see a bit of your son training but your DH can concentrate fully on him

[EK36]

Keep the little one at home and alternate it between you both. That's fairer.

[LusaCole]

I'd talk to him and suggest possible solutions - alternate weeks or you having some child-free time at a different time, as other posters have suggested. Try to find something that works for both of you.

[C0untDucku1a]

He should stop just following the two year old around and instead have plans in place to entertain him.

Or put him in preschool during the week and all go to rugby.

Watching children’s sunday sports is boring.

[Sallygoroundthemoon]

Does DH also get a child free morning when he's not working, such as Saturday? If not then I think you need to alternate the rugby. And I agree with posters who suggest the 6 year old is missing out on a patent watching them play so I think the toddler needs to stay at home sometimes.

[Quartz2208]

The current set up isnt working so you need to talk it through and come up with solutions - such as every other week.

But truthfully at the moment this set up is not right for DS1 or DS2. DS2 is forced into going somewhere he doesnt want to go to and DS1 misses out on support

[Jeezoh]

I’d say you’re being U. Your H doesn’t get any child free time to himself. I’d alternate so it’s fairer.

[SinkGirl]

I don’t get any time to myself (in fact, we moved into the house nearly 18 months ago and I’ve never been in the house on my own, not once!) so I know how difficult it is, but it seems like this isn’t working out so well. I’d say you either need to alternate weeks, find an activity for your toddler during rugby, put the toddler into childcare for a morning or afternoon on one of your days off if you can afford it, or something else but it doesn’t sound like this plan is working!

[BertrandRussell]

Tricky. I think parents should each have some time to themselves, so you need to hang on to yours- but carve out some for dp too? Could you do reciprocal child care with another mother on one of your non working days then on the week you have the free afternoon, you either have the little one with you, or go to rugby together then out to lunch as a new tradition?