Thanks to many on Mumsnet, and MNHQ

[ArbitersCarbiters]

For showing your true colours.

I’ve been a member of Mumsnet on and off for almost 10 years. It holds a special place in my heart - it got me through the long nights with my DC, bumps in my career, the breakdown of my marriage and helping me finally confront the grief at becoming an orphan far too young. I gradually stopped posting on here precisely because I began to see how hostile a place it could be (and was) for women of colour, especially those who called out micro-aggressions and thinly-veiled racist/dehumanising behaviour.

I wish MNHQ had let my (now deleted) thread stand as it was the perfect example of what so many black women have to face everyday (albeit hidden behind a sheer facade of disingenuous naivety and inclusivity).

Instead, it was deleted. The irony of that is that when people claim so many posters on here are and can be hostile to black women and our experiences, the evidence of that hostility is lost forever, and so those same posters and others can claim that it never existed in the first place.

Perhaps seeing the vitriol in writing might help people understand the reality (and denial) of our day-to-day experiences.

Or not.

And right now, I’m verging towards not.

As you were 🤷🏾‍♀️

[MipMipMip]

I'm sorry. I'm white middle class British in a predominantly white middle class town. I am aware there is racism but because of where I am it is very very rare I see it. That doesn't mean I don't believe you obviously, just that as it's not in my face it's not so immediate.

For what it's worth I would say some one looked beautiful, or their hair is fab (usually I would comment on an item, asking where they got their bag for example) but would never touch. Anyone. Thats just massivly rude.

I'm sorry that this happens. To anyone.

[TheGateauIsInTheChateau]

Was your thread about the ladies at the bus stop, OP?

I didn’t see what unfolded...

How people think sticking your filthy hands in someone else’s hair isn’t really bloody rude is beyond me.

Maybe have a glass of wine tonight!

[Butcowsdontgetmarried]

Omg I’m white and I could see that turning into some classic “don’t know what the fuss is about” privelige

[SlimDogMillionaire]

Why deleted?

[rebelrosie12]

That was a brilliant OP. Why on earth did it get deleted?

[Samcro]

i can only think it might have been deleted as it was more or less the same as what was said by Jamelia (sp) on the tv today.(have to say watching that on tv gave me the rage, who would think touching someones hair was right)

[nameynamerson2018]

OP, your first post was so eloquently written. That alone being gone is a travesty.

I didn't read what transpired, but it makes me so sad that anyone could possibly argue in favour of those women. It was a violation of personal space if nothing else and, as someone severely awkward and with high anxiety, I would feel horrible and dirty if someone touched my hair without my okay.

FWIW, I hope you keep speaking up for those unwilling to do so for themselves and please know, you've helped me remember I need to do the same.

[OrchidInTheSun]

Why was it deleted?

[MaggieSimpsonsPacifier]

I’m sorry I didn’t see the original post OP.

I’m sorry you had to write it, whatever it was. And I’m sorry you had to write this one.

[UbercornsGoggles]

I read the original post and don't understand why the thread has been deleted? Can someone from MNHQ explain why? I thought it was a thought provoking and eloquently written post highlighting everyday and insidious racism, and I applaud everyone who does likewise. These things need to be brought into the open and talked about, otherwise how will people understand when their behaviour is not acceptable.

[elQuintoConyo]

I read your OP and about 50 or so posts afterwards - i hadn't realised it had been deleted. That's prety pathetic.

Touching people's hair is ridiculous. I have been with friends who have had similar - touching, wanting to touch, commenting - it is so 'othering', like exhibits in a zoo.

[PlinkPlink]

Yeah I struggled to see why it had been deleted. Went away for an hour and it was gone

I don't think MNHQ meant it this way but it came across as a bit like being silenced.

[Beargoesgrr]

I saw how quickly it turned into people shrugging it off as normal.

It’s not on.

Being white myself, I never understood how prevalent that racism really was, until one night I saw the way my friend, and her husband were treated. It was a very sobering moment.

I am sorry for what happened today, and for those who just shrug it off, i do want you to know though, it isn’t everyones stance, and as a white woman if I were nearby at the bus stop, I would have said something too.

[YouTheCat]

I read but hadn't commented. Why the fuck was it deleted?

I hate people getting in my personal space. Why should anyone put up with that shit?

[Anastassiabeaverhausen]

Fucking hell MNHQ. Wtf?

[DioneTheDiabolist]

IMHO OP, MNet has always had a racist element that HQ have let go. I have noticed more racism recently and have reported only to be told the threads/posts should stand and be robustly debated.

I am that yours has been deleted.

[OkMaybeNot]

I didn't see the thread. Someone stuck their hands in your hair?!

[abacucat]

There is a lot of racism OP on MN, totally agree.

[FlibbertyGiblets]

OK it was about white people touching a black person's hair. It is a microaggression and unwanted, a sign if you like, of white privilege. People took exception and refused to believe that this happens, or if it does, opined that it is harmless, no offence intended, that it is snowflakey to object. Etc etc.

Arbiters I am so sorry. YWN BU.

[WhatIsThisTomfoolery]

Trollhunting on thread

3 threads in TIO deleted tonight

[FlibbertyGiblets]

emend post to *SOME people.

[Butterymuffin]

Someone came up and just started touching your hair? Ugh. Really intrusive.

[DeusEx]

Watching this as I actually haven’t seen the racism here - possibly because I only tend to dip in and out, possibly not. Sorry you have experienced that and it’s undermined the support you’ve had here before OP

What was the other thread?

[Floaty2018]

Fucking hell MNHQ. Wtf?

This. YWNBU OP.

[WhatIsThisTomfoolery]

There's also a thread on reddit about the deleted thread

This is a TAAT so will go soon I guess