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To be a bit annoyed/upset about this

(55 Posts)
lastqueenofscotland Fri 14-Sep-18 13:43:47

Hear me out I’ve had a long week... so may be making a mountain out of a molehill

I am vegan have been for quite some time. Everyone knows and I’m not preachy about it and try not to be awkward about it, won’t rifle through packaging checking for errant milk powder if my friends have cooked something and even in places with no vegan food will go and order a side salad or something to be sociable.
I’m away all weekend for a friends 30th in a big hired house so self catering.
When it was being arranged people were talking about catering and what people wanted to eat I said straight away I’ll bring my own food as I didn’t want anyone to feel put out by me. Told not to worry/everything could be adapted.
Just arrived here and informed we are going out for dinner and due to the group size we’ve preordered, which I wasn’t informed about. And someone has ordered me a hallumi starter and a cheese-based main. When I politely mentioned I hadn’t been told I got really dismissively shut down by my friends older sister who said that it wasn’t their fault I was a faddy eater and everyone else is just having a set menu and I’ve already been awkward needing something different.

So as not to drop feed I did have a long term ED through my teens and a totally unprepared for REALLY high cal meal of stuff I can’t eat anyway has put me in a real spin.

I’ve had a really rough week but I just want to say fuck this and go home now sad
Aibu to be a bit upset.

ProfessorMoody Fri 14-Sep-18 13:45:46

Wow, what arseholes.

Can you call the restaurant and explain there's been a mistake and you're vegan, not vegetarian?

SoyDora Fri 14-Sep-18 13:47:12

Well it doesn’t really matter how many calories it has does it, as you won’t be eating it?
Can you ask the name of the restaurant and give them a call to sort it?

LaGruffaloGrumble Fri 14-Sep-18 13:47:23

Bunch of knobs. Contact the restaurant directly (in advance of tonight if you can) and tell you're vegan not veggie.

Also get yourself to a supermarket and grab yourself some bits.

DowntonCrabby Fri 14-Sep-18 13:47:46

That is honestly so so rude and ignorant of them when you offered to bring your own and presumable would have been happy to ring ahead tonany restaurant to ask about vegan options. I’d call the restaurant now and explain, check your options.
Hope you get it sorted and have a great weekend. wine

MatildaTheCat Fri 14-Sep-18 13:47:52

That’s very mean of them. Call the restaurant and explain youbare vegan, they should be able to adapt the menu for you and accommodate your wishes.

However, do try not to count every calorie.

Notcontent Fri 14-Sep-18 13:50:19

I don't blame you for feeling upset! What a horrible thing to say! And also, I don't think it's appropriate that they chose the good god you anyway...

SLoisachtal Fri 14-Sep-18 13:50:50

The 'faddy eater' comment was totally unneccessary and impolite.

I do wonder sometimes, though, if some people don't know the difference between vegetarian and vegan. Not that that's an excuse on her part, given that you'd previously made your position clear regarding your diet.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall Fri 14-Sep-18 13:51:44

YANBU. You're a vegan it's not that hard to understand that you won't be having cheese. To be honest I think a lot of people without specific diets would be irked at being told you're having XYZ for dinner with no choice in the matter. I wouldn't let one rude older sister ruin your weekend though. Try and sort it with the restaurant and ignore her. By the sounds of it your friends know you're not being faddy and are happy to make sure you're catered for.

SinkGirl Fri 14-Sep-18 13:51:46

Contact the restaurant and explain to them; they should be happy to sort it.

I have anaphylaxis to nuts and seeds and hate being a bother - people I meet have no idea and I don’t bring it up unless they’re making food I have to eat, I know what you mean about preferring to bring your own food where possible as I hate putting people out. This was after I had one friend who made a big deal about me being “difficult” because I couldn’t eat Nutella cupcake she’d made for work. People like that are just arseholes.

UnderMajorDomoMinor Fri 14-Sep-18 13:52:06

Yeah they’ve been bizarre! It’s them not you!

Pickleypickles Fri 14-Sep-18 13:52:36

I get where you are coming from wrt ED. I wouldn't let it ruin your holiday or your friends birthday though. When you turn up speak to the restaurant and see if they will just make you a salad or something, if they won't then no big deal, just eat what you can and what you want and try to take the pressure off yourself. I really hate people who try to get involved in other people's eating but that's probably an ED hang up. If anyone says anything just reply something like "I'm sure you mean well but I don't involve myself in your eating habits and would appreciate the same courtesy thank you"

SharedLife Fri 14-Sep-18 13:52:41

Sheesh, I really can't understand the negativity towards vegans, especially someone who has not been preaching. If just the mention of the word vegan causes you to become rude and dismissive, maybe you have some internal conflict about the issue that you're feeling defensive about...

I'm sorry you've been treated badly. Can you ring the restaurant and ask for a vegan option. I'm sure any chef worth their salt can whip you up something healthy and delicious.

I hope things improve, otherwise, I wouldn't blame you for leaving early. 💐

ConsiderHerWaysAndOthers Fri 14-Sep-18 13:52:54

I completely see why you’re upset. Call the restaurant and tell them you’re vegan and ask if they can make a substitution for you. I’m sure they will oblige.

GreatDuckCookery Fri 14-Sep-18 13:53:25

How bloody rude of them. Can you ring the restaurant and see what they offer for vegans?

And then point out that it's not a fad to the twat that said so.

Bluntness100 Fri 14-Sep-18 13:57:25

I suspect someone though they were doing you a favour in the ordering and got it wrong. The sister however was very rude.

Just pick round it, as you're there for a friends birthday and don't want to cause bad feeling, and be seen as bad as the sister.

DarlingNikita Fri 14-Sep-18 14:01:01

What a rude mare.

I'd call the restaurant (or, if you can't, have a quiet word when you get there) and just explain. If they can't do any full vegan meals you could ask for – or they might suggest – something like a salad/bread, olives and stuff/veg soup.

Be icily civil to the friend's sister when you need to. Nothing more. Fuck her. Enjoy your friend's birthday.

Enidblyton1 Fri 14-Sep-18 14:01:38

YANBU! It might have been an innocent mistake on the part of the person ordering - perhaps they thought vegans can eat cheese?! But calling you a faddy eater is really rude.
Can you ring up and change your order over the phone?

Travis1 Fri 14-Sep-18 14:03:18

Well she's a bitch. Call the restaurant, say a mistake has been made and you are vegan not veggie and can your choices be changed. Then slip a laxative into the sisters drink.

lastqueenofscotland Fri 14-Sep-18 14:04:31

Thanks everyone.
I suspect they did know and were just hoping I’d be grateful I wasn’t getting chicken hmm
If they’d said I’d happily have called the restaurant to sort and had bread and olives! I’m glad other people thought she was being a bitch too

DarlingNikita Fri 14-Sep-18 14:05:36

I’d happily have called the restaurant to sort

Are you going to do that now?

pandarific Fri 14-Sep-18 14:07:22

What a shitty rude thing to say! Did the others hear? What was their reaction?

Absolutely find out the restaurant name and call them and sort a different meal, they're a restaurant, they won't bat an eyelid.

Give the bitch no oxygen whatsoever, just subtly cut her dead and be bright bubbly and happy with everyone else. Fuck 'er. thanks

changedu5ername Fri 14-Sep-18 14:07:33

I also had an eating disorder as a young person. In situations like this, I normally just pick and play with the food, eating what I can and trying to be sociable.

However, the main issue is that they show so little understanding and seem to feel your preferences (which have a solid base) are somehow 'trivial'. Are they good friends to you in other ways?

Clandestino Fri 14-Sep-18 14:10:58

TBH, I would pack my stuff and head back home.
I am a religious carnivore but I respect everybody's food decisions so I wouldn't dream of ordering anything dairy or egg based for a vegan.
The comment about faddy eaters would piss me off and I am afraid if you stay there, you will become the entertainment of the weekend, with jokes or insults thrown your way.

User467 Fri 14-Sep-18 14:11:59

I went on a hen recently. We knew plan was to go out for food but when we sat down bridesmaid announced she had pre ordered for all of us as she liked the restaurant and knew what was good 😳 I'm not veggie/vegan/allergy and was still a bit put out. If there was a plan to pre order they should have mentioned it in advance.

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