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Every present for 12 months has gone un-acknowledged

(65 Posts)
GinFaced Fri 14-Sep-18 11:44:43

My sister and brother in law are really rubbing me up the wrong way at the moment.
The family is 2 adults & 2 kids. In the last year I have sent 4 birthday presents (adults and children), 2 'get well soon' presents (the smallest had her tonsils removed, my brother in law broke his wrist) an anniversary present, a new home present and finally, last week, a small 'enjoy going back to school' present. (I had an aunt who lived abroad when I was younger I remember loving getting things in the post.)
I DO NOT expect a thank you note - the kids are small, the parents have a lot on, a thank you note would be nice, but is not required. HOWEVER, I have had to chase up every single present, about a week after it should have arrived, to check it has arrived. I receive no text, email or phone call to say "hey, thanks for the parcel, it arrived today."
Am I being unreasonable to have finally found this so utterly infuriating that I'm just going to stop sending anything? I don't think the kids should miss out because their parents don't know how to say thank you but seriously, how hard is it to simply let me know that the parcel arrived?

HypoCali Fri 14-Sep-18 11:48:48

YANBU that’s so rude. I’d definitely stop sending things for the adults but it seems a shame for the children to miss out. Can you give it to them in person instead?

Nikephorus Fri 14-Sep-18 11:49:44

Yes but if they're acknowledging arrival then it is the equivalent of a thank you note surely? Because they're not going to say 'it's arrived' without saying 'thanks'. So you are expecting a thank you. Don't get me wrong, they should say thanks because it's polite, but equally you chose to send them so you shouldn't expect a thank you.
Either don't send gifts or don't expect a thank you / acknowledgement of any type.

TheGateauIsInTheChateau Fri 14-Sep-18 11:50:17

It’s incredibly bad manners. My friend does this. I just stopped in the end.

ems137 Fri 14-Sep-18 11:51:36

So rude! I don't think I'd bother sending anything else

BasicUsername Fri 14-Sep-18 11:52:40

Very rude.

What are the responses like when you chase them up to find out if the parcels have arrived? Do they apologise for not messaging you? Do they say thank you?

winegal Fri 14-Sep-18 11:55:37

But OP isn't asking for a formal thank you note is she? Maybe just a text to say 'present for .... arrived today, thank you that's very thoughtful' or similar would suffice. Surely no one in the world has so much on that they can't send a text!

It's also teaching the kids to be ungrateful little gits! I wouldn't dream of not acknowledging a gift sent in the post and my parents would have gone mad if I hadn't as a child too!

Aprilshowersnowastorm Fri 14-Sep-18 11:56:04

Save the cash and spend it in yourself op. They are ungrateful fuckers.

Clandestino Fri 14-Sep-18 11:57:52

So why do you keep chasing the presents? Mind you, who do you keep SENDING them presents?
They don't appreciate you or them. Stop sending. I bet this will be acknowledged soon.

stellabird Fri 14-Sep-18 11:58:03

Yes, it's bad manners. I'd pull back on some of your gift giving though - you seem to be sending too much IMHO. A gift for breaking your wrist ? For someone else's anniversary ? New home ? Even the adult's birthdays gifts seem too much to me. I'd stick to sending the kids things, but drop the adults. Nine gifts to 4 people in a year is overkill. If I were you I'd stick to sending for the kids and drop all the other things ....honestly it's too much.

RickyGold Fri 14-Sep-18 11:59:33

I have decided to stop giving my partner's children presents (youngest is 16), I have spent hundreds on them and get no acknowledgement never mind a thanks, think you should consider this too.

practicallyperfectmummy Fri 14-Sep-18 11:59:48

You sound so thoughtful! It only takes a minute to send a thanks txt message so really rather rude. I'm guessing they are taking the present giving for granted, so maybe just send birthdays and Christmas from now.

popsanddolls Fri 14-Sep-18 12:02:20

That's rude. Really rude like it's expected. I was feeling annoyed by something similar so made it clear this year no adult presents will be bought. I told people this via text.... this got ignored too haha

KingLooieCatz Fri 14-Sep-18 12:03:42

I'd find that level of gift giving suffocating.

Paddley Fri 14-Sep-18 12:12:52

That's a lot of gifts. Do you get a birthday present from them?

9amtrain Fri 14-Sep-18 12:14:48

Stop giving!

Deliphant Fri 14-Sep-18 12:15:07

I would only give the gifts if you're meeting them in person - it seems a little pointless otherwise.

GorgonLondon Fri 14-Sep-18 12:15:33

Maybe they don't want them?

Aspenfrost Fri 14-Sep-18 12:16:13

Stop giving. They will notice then.
As others have said, they have no manners.

MatildaTheCat Fri 14-Sep-18 12:17:03

Just stop. I did. If you want to buy for the children I suggest you give them gifts when you actually see them.

I have a couple of branches of the family who did this and I agree it’s unbelievably rude so stop.

If they ask why tell them in a completely matter of fact way.

CoffeeFountain Fri 14-Sep-18 12:19:22

I can't imagine being that kind of person. What is wrong with people?

Xocaraic Fri 14-Sep-18 12:20:27

You sound like a lovely thoughtful person OP.
I used to do same for friend and her family. She actually asked me to save gifts for giving in person as they were rarely home when delivery arrived, meaning they had to got to the collection depot. So, without meaning to, I was adding to their already busy week.
Could that be a factor for your family?

NoSquirrels Fri 14-Sep-18 12:21:41

Have you tried saying to your sister, "Hey, sis, would you mind dropping me a line if you get a parcel, as I worry they've got lost in the post otherwise." You could even do this when you SEND a parcel, and then they'd be prompted. Send a quick email to say "Something in the post today for you/little X/BIL, let me know when it arrives."

Then if they still don't it's rude, but unless you've mentioned it I don't think you should get the arse. But then my family are fairly relaxed about this stuff.

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 Fri 14-Sep-18 12:21:46

I'd find that level of gift giving suffocating

Me too. I'd find it quite embarrassing and worry that they expected me to do similar, which I have neither the time nor the money for.
I'd still say thank you though (as well as please stop)

lololove Fri 14-Sep-18 12:22:38

My brother and sister in law and her family are exactly the same and it really REALLY bothers me. I don't want to have long drawn out thank yous from them all but I don't even know if they get there safely.

It's just basic manners! I'm over-sure to make sure that I say thank you to the point of ridiculousness I think sometimes to anyone who gives me anything including shop workers/waiter/waitresses etc.

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