Sick of people interfering

[emilyb92]

I don't know if I'm been unreasonable but my DD great auntie is driving me nuts! She constantly tries to tell me how to raise my child, I mentioned I was going to get my DD christened and she went out behind our backs and got her a christening dress even though I explained previously it was something personal that id like to do. Now she has gone and got DD a "my first Christmas" outfit without asking and again I find it a personal thing that me and her dad wanted to do. I have even offered her to come dress shopping with us so that she felt part of it but in stead she has just gone behind my back this was with the christening. She makes horrible comments about my family and reminds me how DD has her blood in her but I'm not family because me and DD dad isn't married yet. I'm so angry and don't know what to do without lashing out. She has even gone and got a tattoo of DD name and DOB again without even asking. I feel like she is trying to take over. Please help any advice would be great am I over reacting?

[Finfintytint]

Just ignore her. Let her waste her money. Tattoo thing is weird though.

[Amdoingit]

Nasty. Be polite.....tell her nothing about anything. If it were me I would start backing away now.

[Damia]

Just because she has got her an outfit doesn't mean you can't also. Pop her in the other one take a quick photo or visit or whatever and in your outfit for the rest if outfits are important to you.

[todayisnotthedayy]

Buy DD outfits for what you want even if the aunt has, if aunt complains then just calmly point out that you asked her not to

[HollyBollyBooBoo]

But why are you letting her get to you. If she wants to waste her money let her, you don't have to use the stuff she buys. She'll soon get the message.

She doesn't have to ask your permission to get a tattoo although it is weird.

[ShowerOfMonsters]

The simple answer is don't tell her what you are planning to buy. I had this with MIL. I said I was going to buy DS something for his birthday, the following week she turned up with something almost exactly the same so it was pointless me buying what I had wanted to get him. I just stopped telling her what I was planning to buy and got quite evasive with the "I don't know, but why don't you get x" if she ever asked about gifts. I also told DH not to tell her what we were planning to buy unless he wanted me to have words with her!

You need to draw some limits and do it quick!

It's a bit weird to invite family members to go dress shopping for a baby isn't it? Surely you just go online?

[LoveAGoodChat]

Just ignore her, if she wants to waste her money, let her buy it..
It doesn't mean just because she has bought outfits that your daughter has to wear them ,

You are the mother, you choose her christening outfit, the great aunt can take her dress back for a refund or sell hers on eBay or Amazon..

Does great aunt not have any kids or grandkids of her own ?(wondering if that could be the reason she is going overboard to stake her place in your daughters life )

[emilyb92]

Thank you, I think I might have to try that but my partner always sticks up for his family so will just tell her any ways. I invited her dress shopping as she saw some dresses in like little boutique shops in a market stall so I said well if you want we will go have a look and if I like one I'll buy it but she just went without me and bought one

[QueenOfCatan]

Ignore her and leave her to it. Get your own christening dress for her, get your own outfit for Christmas. The dress is a bit weird as surely that's really personal? But it won't be the first "My first christmas!" outfit/tat you get!

You also have a partner problem if he's always sticking up for his family regardless of your quite reasonable (imo!) feelings. Tell him to deal with it now and make it clear that if he doesn't, you will. And do it if he doesn't. Bitter experience here.

[YouTheCat]

You don't have to put your dd in the clothes she has bought.

[NonaGrey]

Challenge (calmly and politely) her on any rudeness
Thank her for the dresses and put your daughter in what you bought. (You can always say hers is in the change bag for spare)
As for the not family thing. It’s your name in your DD’s birth certificate. She is indeed genetically related to your DD, but only distantly - you are her parent she has no legal standing at all. She can say what she likes but you will be the most important figure in your child’s life.

The tattoo thing is so weird I’d just raise and eyebrow and ignore.

It sounds like she’s desperately trying to claim some ownership of your DD. But she cant.

You don’t need to feel insecure because if anything she say you have the power here. She has none.

Don’t give her any importance.

[emilyb92]

That's why it's getting to me so much because it's making me feel like she is trying to play the roll of mum. I am at a loss as I feel like my partner thinks I am in the wrong as he always sticks up for her but she is trying to take over

[Bighouseinthesticks]

She sounds very annoying! I would ignore the clothes she buys and get your own. No need to even discuss with your partner, my wouldn't even notice what our baby was wearing. Also stop telling her stuff! She doesn't get to know anything if she's going to carry on like that. A tactic I like to employ is to have everything organised before telling MIL anything, so theres nothing left for her to interfere in! So say the christening, have it all booked and organised, clothes bought, then tell her. It means being organised but it's a great feeling, when your like no that's already done! I know what is like to have someone trying to start a mothering competition with you (looking at you MIL), but the end result is they just see less of the child.

[Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe]

You need to learn quickly OP what took me ages to learn!! Say nothing! I know its hard but you need to tell her what she needs to know only! If you give her any information you are inviting her into your plans in a round a bout way ..so say nowt! If you want to buy a dress or anything for your little one just do it..that way she can't get in first! Learn to keep quiet and I swear your life will be easier! Promise you it works took me ages to learn though! Choose carefully what you want her to know then the rest of the time do your own thing.

[Uncreative]

Say thank you for the dress and buy another. If she asks why DD isn’t wearing it, just say ‘you know what babies are like, she puked/pooped all over it. So glad I had a back up!’

[ThanosSavedMe]

Just because she’s bought a christening outfit doesn’t mean it has to be the one she wears. If the ga says anything say you didn’t like it and as she’s your daughter you will be choosing what she wears.

Same for the Christmas outfit. Don’t put your dd in it. Not even for a photo.

[ohfourfoxache]

Stop telling her things. If she doesn’t know she can’t go behind your back.

[emilyb92]

Thank you everyone so much for your advice. You are all right I'm just going to organise it myself and then tell people. If I ever have another baby I will certainly be doing things differently including not telling people thier name. Definalty a learning curb but thank you all again I feel a lot better

[NonaGrey]

Emily she can try to play Mum
all she likes. It won’t matter.

You are Mum. You are in charge.
She just really isn’t that important.

[ThreeAnkleBiters]

Agree with PP she can do what she likes but ultimately you decide what DD wears which day. She doesn't need your permission to get a tattoo - it's weird but it would still be weird if she'd told you about it!

[TacoFriday]

“She makes horrible comments about my family and reminds me how DD has her blood in her but I'm not family because me and DD dad isn't married yet. ”

This was so bizarre that I assumed you didn’t give birth to this baby and we’re planning to adopt her once married.

She actually said this about a child you gave birth to? Did you point out this flaw to her and laugh at her when she said it?

[tillytrotter1]

We were given some hideous clothes for our number one, they stayed in a drawer then got chucked, can't see the problem really. If she gets huffy, and she will, tell her she shouldn't have presumed to buy them! I don't even buy a Christmas jumper, hate them anyway, without asking first, saves me money too if they say no!

[emilyb92]

To be honest I was so mad I made an excuse to leave because if I didn't I was going to say something or do something that would get me in trouble. Every one else in the family are amazing it's just her that seems to be the odd one out.

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

" thanks for the clothes but I will be buying my own " and repeat.

Why is she so over invested in your baby? How old is she? She sounds obsessed!

[sophisticatedsarcasm]

My Nan is sort of like this... drives me nuts, she’s not as bad as she used to be but still gets on your nerves. I think they just can’t help the need to be incontrol or they think they are helping but in actual fact it’s the opposite.