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To be miffed that my "friend" refuses to call me by my name

(159 Posts)
boterbier Wed 12-Sep-18 22:24:20

Disclaimer: I've got a fairly common, easy-to-pronounce name so it isn't a case of this individual being incapable of saying it or anything like that.

As it goes, said "friend" thinks my name is too feminine for me (bloody ridiculous) and has resorted to calling me either by my last name (weird) or a portmanteau of my first/last name (even weirder especially seeing as how this new creation is homophonous with my ex's name).

Told her to cut it out multiple times and all I get is a smug "trust me this suits you way better you'll see"!

AIB petty or is she being a soggy nugget?

MrsMozart Wed 12-Sep-18 22:27:06

She's being incredibly rude.

Stop responding to her.

noobs18 Wed 12-Sep-18 22:27:32

Grr, I used to have a friend who refused to use my chosen name. Drove me up the wall. In the end I refused to respond unless she used my chosen name, she chose to end the friendship. Yanbu, I think it's really disrespectful

ButchyRestingFace Wed 12-Sep-18 22:29:24

Not just rude but weird.

Obviously models her respect for boundaries on Donald Trump.

argumentativefeminist Wed 12-Sep-18 22:29:27

Love soggy nugget. But yeah, she's being really bloody rude, especially with the ex thing. She has no right to tell you that your name doesn't fit with your identity, which is what she's doing. I'd go harder on the "I find this genuinely offensive and upsetting" line rather than just "cut it out, I don't like the way it sounds", but maybe you've tried that already!

CSIblonde Wed 12-Sep-18 22:40:25

That's disrespectful & really a massive put down that your name doesn't suit you, you aren't feminine etc. She's a frenemy not a friend. Make it clear that's how you feel and I'd lessen my time with her. An affectionate nickname now & then, thats fine. This isn't the same.

JungWan Wed 12-Sep-18 22:45:30

i would hate that!

I want to be the one who controls what my name is!

I used to work with a woman many years ago and we had the same name which bothered her so much more than it bothered me. Supposing the name was Julia......... SHe insisted on telling me I could be Julie. I said nope that's not the same. She said but I'm Julia, there's already a Julia. Ridiculous. I told her I didn't mind be one of two Julias or one of five Julias but it was my name and I wasn't changing my name to spot the dog for her. Really WEIRD!! She tried to get that ball rolling on my name being Julie. I just wouldn't allow it to float. So cheeky to try and change somebody else's name I think!

boterbier Wed 12-Sep-18 22:53:25

I'd go harder on the "I find this genuinely offensive and upsetting" line

I'd actually tried something very similar to this the other day and got told to lighten up! Cue the next day and was promptly informed by the crunchy pasta that she had thought about it and came to the conclusion that my name really didn't suit me at all. Would've gone full NC from pure irritation if it weren't for the fact that I have to face her 4/5 times a week.

I mean, how bloody difficult is it to call someone (and refer to that someone when talking to others) by their actual name! angry

BillywilliamV Wed 12-Sep-18 22:55:54

Id start calling her something totally random and see how she likes it. She sounds like a complete fruitloop!

TheFaerieQueene Wed 12-Sep-18 22:56:10

Play her at her own game and call her something equally ridiculous until she behaves like a decent person.

Veterinari Wed 12-Sep-18 22:58:25

The by you red ton be era really urn with we. Sge’s Not a friend. Bugger her if she gets upset. Just tell her firmly that it’s incredibly patronising and arrogant of her to decide that her own viewpoint on your name is more important than your own. Your name is X and that is how she is to refer to you if she wants you to respond. Otherwise she’s free to stop interacting with you

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar Wed 12-Sep-18 22:58:35

Someone chose to end the friendship rather than use your name, noobs? confused
Is it a name you’d be embarrassed using in public?!!

Veterinari Wed 12-Sep-18 22:59:40

Blood you hell - sorry no idea what happened to that first sentence! Should read: Then you need to be really firm with her

DeusEx Wed 12-Sep-18 22:59:59

Why do you have to see her? This is madness!

MrsMozart Wed 12-Sep-18 23:03:01

Start calling her the names you've come up with on here grin

Have a bit of variety - today she's Soggy Noodle, tomorrow it's Crunchy Pasta, and so on and so forth, limited only by your own imagination wine Your friends will son get the hang of it.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar Wed 12-Sep-18 23:03:19

Why do you have to meet this loon several times a week?
She’s a rude, ignorant idiot.

sirmione16 Wed 12-Sep-18 23:07:32

I'd be bloody fed up and probably turn around to her and say bluntly that she's being rude and disrespectful and ask her what bloody right does she think she has to choose what you get called? I'd inform her it's not funny or a light hearted matter and that she should really buck her ideas up.

Probably with a few more choice words thrown in. Don't let her push you around OP she sounds like she's either stupidly naive and an air head to not pick up on the fact you're serious that it's not right, or she's plain narcissistic in thinking her opinion of your name is of most importance. Cut her down to size.

MiddleClassProblem Wed 12-Sep-18 23:11:11

I’d ca her something embarrassing back.

It sounds like you work with her so I’d see how far you can push it without it being work inappropriate. I’ve had done creative jobs where you can be very inappropriate so I’d go whole hog.

wowfudge Wed 12-Sep-18 23:12:18

Try calling her Arsehole as her actual name doesn't suit her and that's much more accurate.

MiddleClassProblem Wed 12-Sep-18 23:13:09

Or just say you do t think her name suits her. She’s too bland for it. And then pick her a name that might be “bland” (mostly because you say it in a full bored voice the name itself is probably irrelevant).

Petalflowers Wed 12-Sep-18 23:16:08

If she calls you by th made-up name, ignore her. If she asks why you are not responding to you, then say you thought she was talking to ‘insert made up name here’, and not ‘botter’. Hopefully she will get the message,

9amtrain Wed 12-Sep-18 23:16:46

Call her something offensive for a name.

GrumpyGoose Wed 12-Sep-18 23:18:45

She sounds like a cunt so I would probably just call her, and refer to her, as that

inquiquotiokixul Wed 12-Sep-18 23:20:10

Call her by her new name that suits her personality so much better "Ms RudeAndDisrespectful CheekyMcCheekface" - I'm sure she will grow to like it once she gets used to it.

sliceofcheese Wed 12-Sep-18 23:38:06

I'm chose a new name for her, something she will hate and parrot her own reasons back at her. That should do it.

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