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Why do parents do this at pick up?

(324 Posts)
Infomerkel Wed 05-Sep-18 11:46:35

I've name changed for this as I dont want to offend anyone I know IRL.

My DS is in a very small primary school. There is always a set of parents who meet their kids at the pick up doors with a 'treat' (bag of crisps, chocolate donuts, cupcakes etc). But I know where these kids live and its within a 3 minute walk of the school. Why do they need a snack at the door?

My DS is also usually starving after school but can manage the 3 min walk home, wash his hands and then sit at the table to eat.

I just don't get it? I'm foreign so maybe its a custom I haven't come across before? I've always wondered about it, but figured each to their own. But now, DS's best friends dad will often bring a 'treat' for DS as well. It's extremely kind and I'm always very grateful and thank him. But I don't want him having a treat every single day after school. I'm a bit strict at home about not making junk food into a habit but I don't want to come across as judgy or sanctimonious. I also feel odd not reciprocating and bringing treats in.

AIBU to not understand this?

InfiniteSheldon Wed 05-Sep-18 12:03:49

I always met my son with a treat as he was exhausted and starving after school my daughter didn't need one parent as per the needs of the child not as per your made up rules

BadAsMe Wed 05-Sep-18 12:03:56

I always take a snack for the kids. We live very close to their school. We often go straight from school to after school activities. I was not born in this country but have adopted many of their better customs, like this one.

YourHandInMyHand Wed 05-Sep-18 12:04:53

I would always hand my DS a drink and a snack straight away at pick up. But it would be a piece of fruit eg apple or banana rather than a donut or haribo. I'd say maybe once he got to about 8 he then waited until we got home.

For us our school walk home was longer than 3 minutes, having autism he hated the school dinner hall and ate a tiny pack up at lunch, and if he had waited to get home to have snack he would then not have eaten his evening meal properly.

Everyone does things differently. I'd not want someone bringing my child sweets or pastries every day at 3pm like they do their own child though. I wouldn't want them to expect that every day and I'm far from a "no sweet treats" mum. I'd just ask the other parent politely not to bring anything for your ds, say you all have a sit down snack when you get home.

SnuggyBuggy Wed 05-Sep-18 12:05:37

To be honest I would find it annoying if another parent took it upon themselves to give my child junk food everyday.

Aspenfrost Wed 05-Sep-18 12:05:40

I think it makes excellent sense for many of the reasons other contributors have given.

Gersemi Wed 05-Sep-18 12:05:56

I agree, it does seem odd. We lived 10 minutes away from my children's primary school and they managed to survive till we got back home without eating. When they went to secondary school, they survived even longer journeys.

Aspenfrost Wed 05-Sep-18 12:06:35

If it was a homemade biscuit, for example, would it still be classed as “junk”?

Aspenfrost Wed 05-Sep-18 12:08:26

whilst queuing politely for our turn around the May Pole and passively-aggressively tutting about the weather.


SnuggyBuggy Wed 05-Sep-18 12:08:33

It's irrelevant if it's homemade or not to me. I would find it interfering if done every day after school.

Rebecca36 Wed 05-Sep-18 12:08:42

I never came across that but there's nothing wrong with it. Don't worry about what others do.

GreatDuckCookery Wed 05-Sep-18 12:10:24

It's probably for a bit of peace on the way home. Some dc come out of school really hungry and might moan all the way!

SheGotBetteDavisEyes Wed 05-Sep-18 12:11:21

How do you know the children are all going straight home, OP? My DC do ballet, drama, trampolining and gymnastics straight after school hours.

I agree with a PP that your OP sounds somewhat disingenuous. You are judging them and I don't think there's anything about it that you don't understand.

recklessruby Wed 05-Sep-18 12:12:47

It's maybe a little treat they look forward to at 3 o clock.
Little ones just starting school feel like it's a long day and look forward to seeing you again.
My kids were always starving finishing school and ds was not impressed with school full stop.
Each to their own. I used to bring a little treat expects to be called a bad mum wink

arethereanyleftatall Wed 05-Sep-18 12:13:16

I do it cos
1. They like it
2. They're hungry
3. We're often going straight on to an activity

I don't always give treats though, it's mixed up.

Not on for the other parent to daily give yours junk though. I'd do a 'sorry, I don't like him to have sweets every day' after the third day.

ItMustBeBedtimeSurely Wed 05-Sep-18 12:13:19

Yeah, it annoys me too. Parents seem to feel the need to feed up their children every available moment.

I know kids come out hungry but waiting until they're home just seems like good manners. And I say this as someone who's children have to walk a mile home!

Aspenfrost Wed 05-Sep-18 12:13:23

A homemade biscuit is not “junk food”. How many additives does the average parent add to the biscuit mix? Hmm?

Take time to think about it.

bigKiteFlying Wed 05-Sep-18 12:13:45

I was a bit bemused as well - I get it when they are heading off somewhere else.

Though TBH I found best way was to join in with it occasionally not enough for it to be routine with healthy snacks during very early years and not do it after that –it was helpful end of terms when they were getting very tired with behaviour or if I wanted to hit park or library with them.

Though it's harder with youngest. Her best friend non British family gets snack she wants to share, friend has less than five minute walk , but DD despite long walk is capable of waiting to eat - in fact given how picky she is with food at meals snacks aren't something she needs and not something her teeth need at all. I don't reciprocate - say thank you and try and avoid walking home with them as much as possible.

buddahbelly Wed 05-Sep-18 12:14:40

I had to do this with ds when he was in reception, it was a big change going from nursery to reception and as boisterous as he was he struggled with tiredness. a snack straight from school - and that snack was usually a brioche or a banana bread thing - meant he would then walk the 15 minute walk home without screaming and crying out of tiredness.

Just ask the parent not to give your son a treat in future, not the end of the world.

PorkFlute Wed 05-Sep-18 12:14:50

If you feel strongly that you don’t want your child to have it then you just need to thank his friends parent for the offer and politely refuse.
Sounds like what you’re annoyed about is that you would rather other parents did what you do so you don’t have to say no to your child.

MiaowMix Wed 05-Sep-18 12:15:47

Yep, this is all so 'Ich bein ein foreigner, but why are you English fatsoes always STUFFING down doughnuts, thank you please, merci bien'
Disingenuous to the max.
Such bollocks, just a little excuse to judge, right?
Not everyone does this you know. And even if they do - so what?

Gersemi Wed 05-Sep-18 12:16:41

I can understand it if the children are going straight on to another activity, but I find it difficult to believe that all the children concerned are in fact doing that every day of the week.

TeddybearBaby Wed 05-Sep-18 12:19:44

I don’t get it either! I find it annoying, because now my two want me to bring them something as well and I don’t think it’s necessary! I just think we’ll be home in a minute. But I do sometimes bring something just because I can’t be bothered with them moaning about it ‘so and so has got something’ or ‘I’m staaarrrrrrrrrrving’.

MiaowMix Wed 05-Sep-18 12:19:48

also, I actually don't understand this, but what difference does it make if the child eats the snack (lardy or not) on the way back from school or at the table. Why does that matter? confused

Gromance02 Wed 05-Sep-18 12:20:17

We have to maintain our rating as one of the world's worst countries for childhood obesity somehow OP! Children being hungry for a short while? Heaven forbid!

AllesAusLiebe Wed 05-Sep-18 12:20:31

Wow, so much passive aggression from one simple comment! I really don’t understand what the issue is with the OP’s question.

Anyway, I think it’s a modern problem that everyone seems to think that seeing their child eating equates to seeing the child happy and using food to control or placate. Maybe not a UK thing although you do see more small children in a buggy with some kind of food in their hands here than abroad, I think.

I don’t have a child of school age, but I’d also be the killjoy who arrived at the school gates empty handed, if it makes you feel better! I think children need to learn to be patient.

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