Talk

Advanced search

Why do parents do this at pick up?

(324 Posts)
Infomerkel Wed 05-Sep-18 11:46:35

I've name changed for this as I dont want to offend anyone I know IRL.

My DS is in a very small primary school. There is always a set of parents who meet their kids at the pick up doors with a 'treat' (bag of crisps, chocolate donuts, cupcakes etc). But I know where these kids live and its within a 3 minute walk of the school. Why do they need a snack at the door?

My DS is also usually starving after school but can manage the 3 min walk home, wash his hands and then sit at the table to eat.

I just don't get it? I'm foreign so maybe its a custom I haven't come across before? I've always wondered about it, but figured each to their own. But now, DS's best friends dad will often bring a 'treat' for DS as well. It's extremely kind and I'm always very grateful and thank him. But I don't want him having a treat every single day after school. I'm a bit strict at home about not making junk food into a habit but I don't want to come across as judgy or sanctimonious. I also feel odd not reciprocating and bringing treats in.

AIBU to not understand this?

Fireballfriends Fri 07-Sep-18 06:55:07

The trouble is not the snacks or what they are but the fact they are given on school grounds and to other people's children.

I have parents who regularly give DD a cake/sweets after school as soon as they come out the door before I can stop it. Their children are very overweight. It annoys me because if DD doesn't get one she has the most almighty tantrum and it's really difficult for me to manage her. Not to mention embarrassing. If she does have one she won't eat her tea. You can see other children crying because they can't have one and I just wish they could wait until till they were outside the school gate before getting the snacks out.

I just feel it makes my life really difficult for the sake of waiting 2 mins.

hazeyjane Fri 07-Sep-18 08:26:05

SN children can bring a packed lunch if they have a diagnosis

Children with special needs can't be discriminated and against because they don't have a diagnosis, reasonable adjustments should be based on need, not diagnosis

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar Fri 07-Sep-18 08:36:28

How do you prove need, hazey?
There would be claims of all sorts of “needs” that are actually wants if it went on the parents say so alone?

Gottagetmoving Fri 07-Sep-18 08:50:25

Do you know that words can have more than 1 definition?

Yes, I do. I also know language is powerful and affects the way people think. It's chucking ridiculous to us the word starving if you are a bit peckish because you haven't eaten in three hours when there are people who are literally starving. Sort of minimise their plight doesn't it? It also prompts a parent to overfeed.
To give snacks to stop a kid moaning is lazy parenting.

Gottagetmoving Fri 07-Sep-18 08:51:12

Fucking....not chucking.... grin

Branleuse Fri 07-Sep-18 09:26:47

lazy parenting or sensible parenting?
What is in it for you, or your child or anyone else if they feel hungry yet arent allowed to eat?

RedPencil Fri 07-Sep-18 09:40:32

My grandma always met me from school with a treat when she picked me and my sister up. It was just a way to give us a treat.

She wouldn't have done it every day though. Only when she picked us up once a week. I used to her excited when I knew it was 'her day'!

Pyongyang Fri 07-Sep-18 09:45:52

I am one of those parents yes, but I never bring cakes though. And it's a 10 min walk home.

PhilomenaButterfly Fri 07-Sep-18 10:54:22

I agree Grems. It's a moot point now, as she can eat it.

I also had 2 years in nursery and reception, once every 3 weeks, of "It was jacket potato with cheese but I only ate the cheese." She's never liked jacket potatoes. In nursery and reception they only had one choice. The family liaison officer said that they were supposed to give her the meat option if they noticed she wasn't eating the jacket potato. They never did. hmm

ConcreteUnderpants Fri 07-Sep-18 11:28:39

To give snacks to stop a kid moaning is lazy parenting.

My DC is moaning she is hungry, I give her a snack. OK, Gottage, im a lazy parent. Whatever.

By the way, I'll readily admit that sometimes I am a lazy parent - I sometimes give my kids fruit shoots and use the tv as a babysitter them, but school snacks isn't a lazy parenting moment so keep your judgy comments to yourself.

Gottagetmoving Fri 07-Sep-18 11:34:28

lazy parenting or sensible parenting? What is in it for you, or your child or anyone else if they feel hungry yet arent allowed to eat?

If a child can't wait a few minutes before they get home?
They are allowed to eat. You just teach them that moaning doesn't get results. They moan because it works on parents who can't be bothered to teach them they can't have everything on demand.
What's in it for a parent? Having a child who doesn't moan.
What's in it for the child? Learning patience, learning they can't get rewarded for whinging.
I'd prefer a child that didn't whinge and moan.

Ballsofmush Fri 07-Sep-18 11:38:26

My dc don't moan. They ask.
As I'm not a dick I'm ok with giving them a small snack. It's only twice a week in my case. It's been several hours since lunch and they are very energetic. I have zero interest in making them wait till they sit at a table in my kitchen.

PhilomenaButterfly Fri 07-Sep-18 12:20:37

Gotta my DC have never moaned. We've done snacks at pickup, snacks at home, no snacks.

arethereanyleftatall Fri 07-Sep-18 12:42:38

Why have you assumed they're moaning and whinging for snacks @Gottagetmoving?
Where did you get that from?

How it works with my dds, is I give them a snack and they say 'thanks mum'. And then we get on with our lives. If I don't give them a snack, they don't say anything. And then we get on with our lives.

arethereanyleftatall Fri 07-Sep-18 12:52:51

I imagine all the people clutching at their pearls at the idea of an after school snack, are imagining hordes of tantrumming obese children gorging daily on haribo; rather than the actual reality which is perfectly good parents making a different decision to them.

Gottagetmoving Fri 07-Sep-18 13:10:59

Why have you assumed they're moaning and whinging for snacks @Gottagetmoving? Where did you get that from?

It was in response to the poster who said her child moans.

Pressuredrip Fri 07-Sep-18 13:20:46

My 5 year old is a bit of a brat and will kick off big time if I don't bring her a snack. She will cry the entire walk home. She is August born and tired and hungry after school. The mile walk home always takes us nearly an hour as she's so ridiculously slow, and I can not cope with the howling all the way home. Perhaps that is why she is a bit bratty in this respect but I pick my battles. I often forget to bring one in a rush and it's so so stressful. I do however bring her fruit or crackers and very occasionally biscuits rather than sweets. They get penny sweets on the way home on Fridays.

SallySideEye Fri 07-Sep-18 13:23:56

DC here also never whinged for snacks. I just brought them in case, sometimes they didn't want them.

Though like I said DS did have a mad-for-carrots stage (?).

Isentthesignal Fri 07-Sep-18 13:31:40

I don’t know, I never did it, although my kids asked when they saw a few of their friends being met with junk food. I made them wait till they got home.

AndhowcouldIeverrefuse Fri 07-Sep-18 13:34:39

If a child can't wait a few minutes before they get home?
Quite often it takes us an hour to get home. We like to play, run and go to the park. Shoot me smile Snacks are fruit, cheese, sometimes a tiny sandwich, a biscuit or a packet of crisps shock DC1 is underweight and DC2 not far off. Do we get extra points, are we exempt from judgment or sommink?

harvester77 Fri 07-Sep-18 16:39:44

Does it impact your life that much? Does it matter ? Has a war started because of it ? Has it caused you great distress or sickness ? No well then it's none of your business. It's just what some people do and why not? Kids so small at school all day why not have a treat? In years to come it will not matter.

Gottagetmoving Fri 07-Sep-18 16:47:19

Quite often it takes us an hour to get home. We like to play, run and go to the park. Shoot me smile Snacks are fruit, cheese, sometimes a tiny sandwich, a biscuit or a packet of crisps shock DC1 is underweight and DC2 not far off. Do we get extra points, are we exempt from judgment or sommink?

OP's post was about being a few minutes away from home, not spending an hour somewhere else...
Before getting defensive, it would be useful if posters bothered to grasp the point of a discussion and what people are responding to.

Ragwort Fri 07-Sep-18 17:00:42

I never gave my DS a snack when I met him from school, he'd never ask for one, he's never really been into snacking (not a boast, he genuinely doesn't like sweet things like cakes or biscuits unlike me ) but mainly because I can still remember our very strict headmistress telling us that we should never eat in the street whilst wearing our school uniforms- and that was over 40 years ago grin

hazeyjane Fri 07-Sep-18 17:32:19

How do you prove need, hazey?
There would be claims of all sorts of “needs” that are actually wants if it went on the parents say so alone?

Gremlins said, what about 'sn children', and Philomena said, SN children can bring a packed lunch if they have a diagnosis Grems

….I was just pointing out that if a child has special needs then they do not need to have a diagnosis in order to have those needs supported and differentiated for.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: