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Just had to collect distraught DD from sleepover

(138 Posts)
DiDonk Tue 28-Aug-18 20:00:20

DD (who is 7) was due to be spending two nights having a sleepover with her best friend, but when I spoke to her this evening she sounded unhappy and said that she wanted to come home. So I went and got her. Best friend's mum was being a bit odd when I got there, listing all the fun things they had done and saying that dd was very tired.

When I got dd back into the car she told me that the mum had made them do spelling tests and maths questions and told her that she was stupid when she made mistakes. So as not to drip feed, although I don't think it is relevant, the spelling tests were in dd's second language - the language they use half the time at school.

But whatever the language, AIBU to think that this is an appalling way to treat a visiting child? I've had to fob the mum off before when she has asked about dd's school reports, but this is much, much worse. D is really upset and thinks she is stupid and I'm not sure whether to say something?

I've been slightly wary of this mum for a while as she seems to enter into the kids' friendships in a rather overbearing way, and I could imagine her deliberately trying to make things difficult for dd if she took against her. But ffs.

mistermaker22 Tue 28-Aug-18 20:03:52

That's crazy behaviour. Mother sounds horrific. Distance yourself from her and have play dates for your dd's friend around at yours instead. Hope dd is ok.

Returnofthesmileybar Tue 28-Aug-18 20:04:15

I would be back knocking on her door asking her firstly if it were true and going bananas she called my child stupid. What a sneaky, devious, horrible, insecure cow

Returnofthesmileybar Tue 28-Aug-18 20:04:49

And it would be the last my child ever saw of that lunatic mother!

AveABanana Tue 28-Aug-18 20:05:23

Oh that's stupid crazy.

Mrskeats Tue 28-Aug-18 20:05:38

I would be on the phone to her by now.
V odd behaviour.

kalinkafoxtrot45 Tue 28-Aug-18 20:06:38

That sounds weird and horrible of the hosting mum. Yes, I’d want to get to the bottom of that and tear strips off her if that’s what really went on. Your poor DD.

Racecardriver Tue 28-Aug-18 20:06:41

Well done is stupid here but it's not your dd.

cheesefield Tue 28-Aug-18 20:08:19

Fuuuuuck. Friends Mum is barking.

Walkingdeadfangirl Tue 28-Aug-18 20:08:23

I've been slightly wary of this mum for a while And yet you sent your 7 year old DD away with her for a 2 night sleep over?

Caselgarcia Tue 28-Aug-18 20:08:39

I wouldn't allow DD to go there again and would distance myself from the mother.By all means invite her daughter over to yours for a sleepover but decline any further invites. If she asks why I would be honest and say DD didn't enjoy it much and the girls have much more fun at yours.

newplacenofriends Tue 28-Aug-18 20:08:51

I am speechless! Your poor DD!

Awwlookatmybabyspider Tue 28-Aug-18 20:09:13

YANBU. İm not surprised your DD was distraught and wanted to go home.
The big bullying bitch. She sounds a bit cracked, tbh.
Also I wouldn't dream about asking a parent about their childs report. How rude and intrusive is that. You could be asking someone whose child struggles and no matter how bright she might think her child is There is always a brighter child around the corner.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Tue 28-Aug-18 20:12:35

I had to swear under oath.
I can see where
Walkingdead is coming from.

Thatssomebadhatharry Tue 28-Aug-18 20:14:10

She sounds like a fruit loop but I’d get the full word for word story before if dd is up to it. Just so she doesn’t try and minimise it by saying she said something like the answer was stupid etc. At least you can say directly you said xxxx to my dd and I don’t speak to my daughter this way as it is cruel and totally unacceptable.

mama17 Tue 28-Aug-18 20:17:42

Absolutely awful your poor child. Go back round and talk to her how dare she call your child stupid. I would be furious 😩😩

DiDonk Tue 28-Aug-18 20:19:03

Thanks to all. Glad that the general view is that this is barking. We don't live in the UK, and it is good to get a reality check. That said, I've never had anything like this with my older two.

Fair point about sending dd even though I'm wary of the mum, but dd begged to go.

I think I probably would be on the phone right now if the best friend's mum spoke English. I'm reasonably fluent in the local language, but when I'm upset I feel at a disadvantage and sometimes feel that I get the nuance wrong.

Before I realised what had happened I had invited best friend (who seems lovely despite her mum) for a daytime playdate on Thurs. I am wondering if I can convince dh to do the meeting and greeting, but realise that would be cowardly. Either way I think we'll stick to baking brownies and a trip to the park when best friend is here!

Sophia99 Tue 28-Aug-18 20:19:58

The mum sounds batshit.

Poor girl (yours AND hers!)

Don't let your lovely daughter go there again! She sounds a bit weird!

mostdays Tue 28-Aug-18 20:20:35

I'd be really angry and I would have to say something. She sounds horrible, your poor dd.

PorkFlute Tue 28-Aug-18 20:25:20

I’d be honest with your dd and tell her that the mum is strange and unkind and that she’s not suitable to look after her but her friend can still visit you if that’s what she wants.
I would tolerate small talk with the mum if your children are good friends but under no circumstances would she be left in her care again. You have the perfect reason to refuse any future childcare since your dd was upset this time.

listsandbudgets Tue 28-Aug-18 20:28:18

I would be fuming if someone treated one of my DCs in that way... absolutely furious.

Your poor dd... this is a chocolate, long cuddle and good film problem.. and no more sleepovers there..

Raging on your behalf. My ds is 6 and really struggles with writing and hed be seriously distressed if anyone tried this with him let alone in a second language

Rebecca36 Tue 28-Aug-18 20:28:48

Poor kids having to put up with that. Can you imagine having a parent who gave school work on what was supposed to be a fun sleepover?
Still your daughter doesn't have to do it again.

PinotAndPlaydough Tue 28-Aug-18 20:31:01

I really think you need to say something, I think your daughter needs to see you standing up to this awful woman on her behalf.
While she’s so young your her advocate, she can’t defend herself against this woman and pull her up on your behaviour but you can and definitely should. Write what you want to say down so you don’t get flustered but you need to say something.

Returnofthesmileybar Tue 28-Aug-18 20:31:37

Well if you don't feel comfortable talking to her because of the language you should text her "Is it true you did spelling and maths tests with the girls on the sleepover? And when dd got anything wrong you called her stupid?"

She probably will lie or say she didn't mean it like that anyway so then text her "Let's be clear, that is not the behaviour of a nice person, my daughter has teachers and doesn't need the insecure parent of a friend to teach her anything. There will be no more sleepovers as you have massively overstepped and upset dd but know this, if you ever try to test my child or discuss school with her that will be the end of the girls friendship."

PinotAndPlaydough Tue 28-Aug-18 20:31:42

Her behaviour not yours blush

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