To think dh was just trying to pick a fight?

[Givemeacookie]

Am 16 weeks pregnant so might be hormones and I am willing to be told Imbu but this morning dh was asleep on the sofa while I sorted out dd breakfast and did a bit of washing at around 11 I woke him up and said " if you give dd a bath i will I will get the hoovering done and mop the floor down here because it's sticky" dh said he was happy to bath her but told me not to ask him like that again and that he doesnt need to be convinced to give his own daughter a bath I thought it was just a fucking prickish thing to say I asked him in a nice way and was simply just saying while he got on and did one thing I would be getting on and doing something else that needs doing. For context he works a lot so i do about 95% of stuff around here including anything to do with Dd like baths and meal times. There was no need for the asshole attitude at all and I told him that after he gave dd a bath and she was out of ear shot I told him I wasn't asking him to be shitty and certinly wasn't implying anything I actually went out my way to ask him in a nice manner despite being left to do everything on my own all morning as per. He's now sulking upstairs because I told him what a prick I thought he was and I dont see why he is getting shitty he picked a fight and he got one he is a good dad when he is around but definately not daddy of the year either men like this really fuck me off when they leave the mother to do way more then over half the work then when they do 1 thing they expect confetti everywhere but also want you to act like it's the norm and they always do it.

[fudgeraisinbiscuit]

I don’t really get what he did wrong!

[TwoBlueShoes]

You don’t get what he did wrong?

He sounds lazy as fuck. He needs to be coparenting when he’s home.

[Overshadow]

You both sound tired tbh. Overreaction from you both.

[fudgeraisinbiscuit]

Sorry, it sounded like OP was annoyed because he asked her just to ask him to bath his kid, not go on about why. Not saying you did anything wrong OP. Just don’t think he really did either. My dh does that to me - drones on about ‘we need to do the washing up NOW because otherwise there will be flies ...’ yeah, I know!

[CripsSandwiches]

I guess the issue he has is that you're telling him exactly what to do. i.e. instead of waking him and asking him to take DD while you hoover you're saying he has to give her a bath. Sounds like a communication problem - I think it's fair enough that he brought it up (as long as he wasn't nasty about it). I guess it's difficult in that you do 95% of childcare so you know what her routine is, when she last had a bath etc. I do think it's easy though for the other parent to feel a bit pushed out in that situation and want to choose to do things a different way sometimes.

[Rosemary46]

I agree you sound tired OP. I recommend that you sleep until 11am and then never do any housework or children unless your husband asks you in the correct tone.

[CripsSandwiches]

I think it's different if he isn't pulling his weight and just doesn't want to be told to help but I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt.

[WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream]

So he doesn't pull his weight, isn't daddy of the year and is asleep on the sofa while you do everything for you daughter, yet your pregnant again? it's going to get worse when you have 3 of them to run after

[JustTheLemons]

A lot of people are inferring that he does nothing I think.

It seems to me that he was annoyed that instead is saying ‘can you bath DD’ you reeled off a list of reasons why he needed to do it, and he was insulted that you were implying he would only do it when given a reason.

That’s fair IMO, and you are being sensitive. However, hold him to it- next time you ask him to do something, if he resists you can say ‘you’ve told me before you’re happy to do things and not to give you a reason, have you changed your mind?’

[tigercub50]

I might be missing something but if I understand correctly OP didn’t reel off a list, she just asked DP to give DD a bath whilst she got on with other stuff. I have no idea why he reacted as he did. And I can’t be doing with sulkers! Perhaps waking him up was a mistake but otherwise YRNBU

[TwoBlueShoes]

The OP said she did 95% of everything including stuff to do with their daughter. She also said she was left doing everything as per. It doesn’t really sound like he does much in terms of housework and childcare. Then he gives her attitude when she asks him to pitch in.

[fudgeraisinbiscuit]

Because he works a lot, though.

I do think the sah parent should be doing the lions share of stuff at home.

[TwoBlueShoes]

During the day when he’s at work she does the childcare and housework, but when he’s at home they should be working together so they can both get a break. I don’t think it’s fair for one person to be running around doing everything while the other adult sleeps half the day. 🤷‍♀️

[Givemeacookie]

The reason I told him what I would do whilst he did that is because sometimes if I ask him to do something he turns to me and says what are you going to be doing as if to say why should I do such and such and you sit on your ass. As i say he is a good dad he is just hardly around because of his work. I just felt there was no need for the following comment he knew it would cause bad feeling and it did it's fine if he wasn't happy about the way he was asked but he didn't have any respect for my feelings after when I said I wasn't happy with the comment that followed and I did feel like it was said to pick some sort of fight. I've had doubts with our relationship before and the way he is. Even his own mother has pulled him up on certian things like his inability to ever admit when he is in the wrong or if something is his fault no matter how minor something is it's ALWAYS someone else's fault. He is also nerve willing to be told when he shouldn't do something with Dd no matter who says it including health care professionals at the first sign of someone offering advice or constructive critism he will go off on one. The other day he had a go at me and my friend because he said he wanted to go and buy new shoes but it was half 4 and he was saying shops shut at 5.. I told him most of the shops open until 6 on a Saturday so he should have enough time. Just stuff like that really it's weird and frankly tiresome.

[DarlingNikita]

at the first sign of someone offering advice or constructive critism he will go off on one. The other day he had a go at me and my friend because he said he wanted to go and buy new shoes but it was half 4 and he was saying shops shut at 5

Sounds like he goes round looking for arguments. I'd find that extremely tiresome.

[Juells]

sometimes if I ask him to do something he turns to me and says what are you going to be doing as if to say why should I do such and such and you sit on your ass.

The plot thickens...

[ACatsNoHelpWithThat]

Not another "good dad" thread - how on earth can he be a good dad when you do 95% of the stuff for your DD?

[Givemeacookie]

Sometimes he does sometimes he's fine it really just depends as a sahm parent i dont mind doing the lions share of work around the house and with child care and when he is at home i always give him the nicer jobs to do i would of rather of bathed dd then lugged the Hoover around and got the mop out. He knew dd needed a bath this morning we wanted to do it last night but dd was way too tired after dinner so we agreed she would be bathed this morning.

[Givemeacookie]

I will give him his due at least once a week he takes dd out for a couple hours on her own to give me a break and when he is here he plays with her and does all the nice things for her he is a good dad when he is around. He's a lot different from when we first moved in together his mum let him get away with everything when he lived with her. It's just digs like this morning i dont think there's any need for.

[TotHappy]

Agree with you about the confetti comment - they want to be thanked but always sometimes when you lay it on too thickly get offended by the thanks, all like 'what? Of course I do it! Why would you think I have to be asked?' oh really, well it's confusing for me, see I thought you ever doing it on your own initiative meant you DID have to be asked!

[DarlingNikita]

Not another "good dad" thread - how on earth can he be a good dad when you do 95% of the stuff for your DD?

I always think this too. 'He's a great dad but...' I get so sick of it.

OP, 'at least once a week he takes dd out for a couple hours on her own to give me a break' 'at least once a week?' He's her parent! Doesn't he WANT more one-to-one time with his daughter?

[CripsSandwiches]

From your update it sounds like YANBU, he doesn't like being asked to do anything but yet won't get up and do it off his own initiative. It would be very annoying to be around someone who couldn't ever be wrong.

[ACatsNoHelpWithThat]

OP what you describe is him being a "disney dad" i.e he only does the fun stuff and none of the grunt work. It's easy in small doses being "nice" - you get warm fluffy feelings from making someone else happy. I can do that for anyone's kids. The real parenting stuff like discipline, baths, meals etc is what makes a good parent. You need to raise your expectations of him.

[serbska]

Probably wasn't THAT good an idea to have more than one baby with this man. It gets harder and harder the more babies you have.

[Givemeacookie]

I guess the reason I do more of the harder stuff is because I'm home at the times they need doing but yes it is very much like I have to ask and when I give thanks he acts offended like it's hardly a surprise. I'm just venting really and I'm highlighting all that's bad about him he has some very good qualities too but I think I've allowed him to become lazy (I'm the type of person that thinks they can do it all and often end up burning the candle at both ends) I've started realising recently how much help i actually need I have been feeling exhausted I find myself climbing into bed at 9pm and getting very little me time even just to watch the crap telly i love but that's not to say he gets that either he works all sorts of hours. I just want things a bit fairer at home.