My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Aibu to end a relationship because of messaging

131 replies

Soupyy3 · 20/08/2018 22:58

Hi
Very happy and in love with DP of 18 months (we don't yet live together, no children together, both aged 44).

He fell asleep on the sofa this evening and a message pinged up on his phone from a woman I'd never heard of. It started with "hi you gorgeous man..." so I of course had to have a look!

He's been messaging a woman he knew as a kid since May 13th. Loads of messages. It started innocuously - he added her on Facebook and they messaged polite hellos as you do - but it has since intensified. There has been mild flirting (calling each other gorgeous and beautiful) but also a strong emotional bond developed - he told her personal stuff about his kids' health and his relationship with his ex wife. She reciprocated.

They've got loads in common. They like a lot of the same things. Agree about politics.

They talk about how they really love chatting to each other.

They make each other laugh. Loads of laughing emojis.

She called him a kindred spirit. He replied with a heart emoji.

He told her that he hoped his DD13 turns out like her.

He sent her a photo of his son's graduation. She sent him a photo of her daughter's prom.

Messages almost always end with xxxx

He said last week that he dreams about her. The conversation then got a bit innuendo filled. He referred to her as stunning.

Am I overreacting? They've never talked of meeting up (she lives 15 miles away). It is an online thing only I think.

He's never mentioned me. I've been whitewashed out. He talks to her about his kids, his mum, his dogs, his friends, his colleagues ...never about me, even when he's described events I was at.

I don't know whether I've overreacted. I'm in a different room trying hard not to cry.

OP posts:
FeralBeryl · 20/08/2018 22:59

No of course you aren't!! Thanks
Have you spoken about it?

Aprilshowersinaugust · 20/08/2018 22:59

He is cheating just not shagging her.
Yet.
Ltb.

MarthasGinYard · 20/08/2018 23:00

'He's never mentioned me. I've been whitewashed out.'

Get rid

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/08/2018 23:00

Absolutely not overreacting. How awful for you.

TheWonderfulCat · 20/08/2018 23:00

IMHO that's an emotional affair at least. You dont deserve that, that love and attention should be going to you Flowers

C0untDucku1a · 20/08/2018 23:00

Sounds like he doesnt want her knowing about you. Like he is oaving the way for a relationship if she wants one.

Have you any plans to move in together or anything? --because i wouldnt—

You are not over reacting or BU

moonandmountains · 20/08/2018 23:00

Sorry you're going through this. It would be over for me. This is an emotional affair.

FeralBeryl · 20/08/2018 23:01

Sorry just saw he's asleep.
Try and calm yourself down, have a drink.
Do you feel like you could sleep on it or need to act now?
How is your marriage generally.
So sorry you've had this, I bet you feel ill Sad

Sweetsongbird1 · 20/08/2018 23:02

Honestly?? What’s your gut saying?

You know he has took the piss.

Send ALL the messages to your phone so you have back up as he will delete them when he finds out you know.

He is lining her up for his next shag/gf.

FeralBeryl · 20/08/2018 23:02

Why can't I read! Blush
Just seen you're only a year or so in - Fucking leg it!

PickAChew · 20/08/2018 23:03

Not unreasonable at all.

You can finish with him because you don't like his taste in socks. You don't need to find approval from others.

Bella898 · 20/08/2018 23:04

Sorry but as i read through this post it got worse and worse with every line. This is cheating IMO as it stands

HavingALittleBabyToolshed · 20/08/2018 23:04

Get out before it is too late.
He has showed you who he is.

SocialPiranha · 20/08/2018 23:06

He’s an arse. No wonder you’re hurt- I would be too. Ditch him.

MustShowDH · 20/08/2018 23:09

Reply to her with:
"Sorry, my partner is asleep right now. I'll ask him to get back to you in the morning."

Doingreat · 20/08/2018 23:10

This is the honeymoon bonding phase. If he's emotionally investing in another woman at this point in your relationship what he might be capable of later when things are a bit more humdrum between the two of you?

notdaddycool · 20/08/2018 23:10

Write a message from his phone to her about his lovely partner. Then stand back.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 20/08/2018 23:14

So sorry about this. You are definitely not overreacting! Glad you found out now, it won't feel like it but you will look back and know you've had a lucky escape.

I too would be tempted to let her know who you are. Yes it's revenge but she deserves to know he's been lying to her too.

BuntyII · 20/08/2018 23:18

Oh god I am sorry OP. You need to end it Thanks

Hideandgo · 20/08/2018 23:19

Send back a message pretending to be him ‘coming clean’ about having a partner all his time. Then dump him.

whymewhyme · 20/08/2018 23:22

Emotional affaire, he won't admit it tho! They never do!

Butterymuffin · 20/08/2018 23:23

Emotional affair. Tell him you saw the message that popped up and you are ending it. Easier said than done I know but he's not behaving well towards you at all.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Crunchymum · 20/08/2018 23:26

Urm.... pack up all his stuff in a bin bag, waken him up and kick his lying arse out of your house..

You aren't tied to him, you don't have anything (marriage, mortgage, kids) to extricate yourself from..... get strong, take them power back!!

He was going to dump you like a tonne of bricks as soon as she gave him the green light anyway

Sparkles1992 · 20/08/2018 23:27

That's an affair Sad

GabsAlot · 20/08/2018 23:28

its still cheating sorry -if he was talking about you and just general fmaily life fine but calling her grgeous etc is more and the fact he isnt metnioning u means hes into her for something more

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.