To deny DH a 5th child!

[Saspa]

NC as DH knows my user name!
So been with DH 15 years. Had our first child very quickly (unplanned) and quite young. 8 years later, we were settled had jobs and a home, and tryed for our second DD. And decided to try for another when second DD was 1. And then fell pregnant with our 4th while I had the implant fitted. We havnt had it easy with ttc and had our share of heartbreak. So number 4 although unplanned and very soon after our 3rd, was a little miracle for us.

So we have not long moved into a better sized home. Could do with an extra room but it's comfortable to live in. DH got a better job and I am now a stay at home parent. We are slightly better off doing it this way, as we don't need to pay for child care. But money is still a little tight.

Now DH has started asking if we could try for DC5. He has been mentioning it for a few months. But apparently thinking about it for nearly a year. Now he just won't stop. He loves being a dad. He has always wanted a big family. He doesn't see any problem. In his mind, he provides for us, we have a home, and we are good parents that love our kids, so what's stopping us!
In my mind, I feel like as much as I love being a mum and love my kids, I have been a mum from very young, for the last 15 years, my youngest is 2 So still have a long way to go before they fly the nest. I also want to do something else with my life, I would love to finish my training. Also we have just got a house that fits our family, where would we fit another child in? And as i said money is tight. And affording another would be a push. But secretly at the same time as thinking all of this, I would love another.

I feel so bad for shutting DH down. I can see how much he wants this. I havnt told him that I would have another baby in heartbeat, if circumstances were different as I don't want to give him any hope. I have told him my reasons why not, but he still keeps asking me to think about it.

So AIBU to say no!

[GrumpySkintCow]

YANBU. It takes 2 to tango. The idea is lovely, but that will further delay your training and whatever else you want to for yourself. Also, it wouldn’t be fair on your other children if money is already tight.
Also, it all nice saying have another, but you will be the one to be pregnant and then have a baby whilst looking after 4 other children.

[FruHagen]

I think you've done your job more than adequately. It's not like you only have one kid.

[Mari50]

You are absolutely not being unreasonable at all however you may come unstuck because secretly at the same time as thinking all of this, I would love another
Why not both take a step back for a year or two and see if you’re still keen for another baby once your youngest is out of nappies and becoming more independent. Sometimes the whiff of freedom can kill broodiness dead......

[DonutCone]

Honestly, I think in the world of today having 5 would be a little bit obscene. He has 4 children, he does not need 5.

There is more to life than having children.

[Aquamarine1029]

Your husband wants a big family... Well, he already has one! Four is more than enough in my opinion.

[HolyMountain]

Don’t be pressured into having another.

He has 4 children already so should stop mentioning it if you’ve made it clear you don’t want to get pregnant again.

[Fang2468]

YANBU. Pregnancy takes its toll, if you don’t want to go through it again he shouldn’t be pressuring you.

[FishesThatFly]

Is he very hands on and pulls his weighr equally?

[formerbabe]

4 is plenty. The feelings of the person who doesn't want another trumps those of the person who does.

[mummmy2017]

Tell him you want him to take a week off, you will go out each day and come home when he would, only do his chores, at the end of the week tell him you will talk.

[CheeseCakeSunflowers]

Would he be prepared to be the stay at home parent while you worked?

[Babdoc]

You have already doubled your population in one generation. If we all did this, the planet would be even more screwed than it already is.
Surely having a fifth child is pure selfishness, in a world that is already severely overpopulated, polluted and suffering climate change and shortage of natural resources?

[SendintheArdwolves]

What do you want the outcome to be, OP?

Scripts to help you be firm and stop your DH from badgering you? (he should)

Reassurance that it isn't selfish of you to be thinking about your future and want to have something in your life as well as your kids? (you aren't being selfish)

Permission to let your desire not to have a fifth child override your DHs desire for one? (I give you permission)

Or people telling you to go for it and it will be fine ?

[DryIce]

Tell him you want him to take a week off, you will go out each day and come home when he would, only do his chores, at the end of the week tell him you will talk.

This.

If I just had to keep going to work, and got to come home to a well kept house with well cared for children I would also be keen on having a lot more!

[OutPinked]

He can have a fifth child if he is going to be the one going through pregnancy and birth.

It’s your body that feels the toll and it’s your career prospects that are suffering. You are the one doing the lions share of the parenting too.

[HollowTalk]

You are incredibly lucky to have four happy, healthy children. Don't tempt fate now.

[beibermylove]

@fru

"I think you've done your job more than adequately. It's not like you only have one kid."

What a weird comment.

YANBU - I can't imagine dealing with more than one!

[shouldwestayorshouldwego]

Tell him you want him to take a week off, you will go out each day and come home when he would, only do his chores, at the end of the week tell him you will talk.

And carry a doll in a sling programmed to cry a lot.

[shouldwestayorshouldwego]

Is he using you being at home to control you and stop you from doing what you want to do?

[Figlessfig]

I’m at my happiest with small children around. It’s weird, because it’s such hard work and you can’t get a decent sleep.

But I wanted a 5th very much; just couldn’t persuade DH. Still feel vaguely peeved about it.

[HollowTalk]

But small children grow up, Figlessfig!

[Mary1935]

Hi should - that’s a great idea.
OP - wow 4 children - that’s great - your all happy - you have a home that suits your needs and financially ok.
Kids are great - but you need to achieve what you want to.
All my sister in laws had children at 18 - by there 30s they had gone back to colleage and trained in what they where interested in. Ones a head teacher now. She had 3 girls.
You can finish off your training. It’s good for kids to see mum working too. Tell him 4s enough.
I admire you - I had enough at one!!

[ThanksItHasPockets]

He has always wanted a big family.

He has a big family.

YANBU. What if you have DC5 and he starts pushing for DC6, and DC7?

[Vole3]

What happens if number 5 turns out to be twins or more.....

[StripeyDeckchair]

I have 4 & that's enough
Ok it's with 2 partners but pregnancy takes its toll on your body, the young years are exhausting and financially you take a huge hit both now & on your pension.