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to think she set a weekday wedding to avoid DC?

(317 Posts)
Weddingproblems Sun 19-Aug-18 08:23:44

Firstly I know its her big day and her choice and I won't bring this up with her, but just wanted to let off a bit of steam really as I'm feeling a little hurt.

My cousin is getting married next October, she originally set a date in September on a Saturday (no invites at that point but told us all the dates), they have no DC and I'm not sure if they want to she has never really shown an urge too and doesn't seem very maternal (she would also need it to happen fairly soon as she is in late 30s). We grew up together and the family is very close, before she got engaged she had mentioned children and said she's not sure on having DC "running around everywhere" and prefers adult events.

She has now changed the date and sent invites, it is on a Friday. This now means I can't attend the wedding and I'm gutted. DC are 4 & 6 and I truly don't have anyone who could pick them up from school/have them for the evening and the wedding is a few hours away.

I'd expect this will be a problem with a lot of guests with DC/work and I'm wondering if she deliberatly chose a weekday for this reason? After all if you worked fridays you may be able to book it off but you couldn't do the same with school.

If it were a weekend and she had stated no children I would have been able to come as XH has the DC and I would have worked around her if they were welcome at reception/not at all. We aren't amicable and he works away during the week so him looking after them on a weekday is a no go, all of my family who normally help with childcare will be at the wedding.

The weekday isn't financially motivated as far as I can tell as her very very wealthy father is paying for it and can't see him insisting on a weekday.

PinkAvocado Sun 19-Aug-18 08:26:18

Could be but she will have weighed up not wanting DC there and that meaning some parents won’t be able to go. I wouldn’t make a big deal of it but say you’ll unfortunately not be able to go as you can’t get childcare or a day off for the children.

Ifailed Sun 19-Aug-18 08:27:06

First off, it's not 'her' wedding, there is someone else involved. They have decided to move their wedding, it's their choice.
There are roughly 240,000 weddings in England & Wales each year, I'm sure there will be another you can go to.

Thatssomebadhatharry Sun 19-Aug-18 08:28:15

Maybe she did. Why would you want to spend a fortune going to the wedding of someone who doesn’t give a fudge if you are there or not. Like many people have said on here it’s an invite not a summons. Decline and move on.

Singlenotsingle Sun 19-Aug-18 08:28:39

Just arrange for the children to have the day off, for an important family occasion. If the school say no, there's apparently a small fine £60 per child, I think). Problem solved smile

gamerwidow Sun 19-Aug-18 08:29:14

Ask her if she wants no DC instead of trying to guess her motives.
If she says no DC then send your best wishes and decline the invite otherwise I’d take the kids out of school for the wedding of a close family member.

MarthasGinYard Sun 19-Aug-18 08:30:11

Is it this October or 14 months away??

Surely you could sort something if it's the latter for childcare?

It's not for anyone to question her motives.

That is date on invitation

peachypetite Sun 19-Aug-18 08:30:40

Actually she probably chose Friday because it's often several thousand pounds cheaper to hire a venue on a Friday!

Weddingproblems Sun 19-Aug-18 08:30:44

There are roughly 240,000 weddings in England & Wales each year, I'm sure there will be another you can go to.

What an odd comment, I don't want to go to "a" wedding, I wanted to go to theirs, someone I have grown up with and wanted to see married and celebrate with them.

gamerwidow Sun 19-Aug-18 08:31:46

In our area they’ll put a day like this down as an unauthorised absence but fines don’t kick in until after 5 days. I’d take this as sick though (just don’t tell the kids before hand, they will grass you up!)

newplacenofriends Sun 19-Aug-18 08:32:39

It could also be a money thing. Friday weddings are cheaper than Saturday weddings.

AuntieStella Sun 19-Aug-18 08:33:36

It's also considerably cheaper to marry in a weekday, and secure suppliers of your choice.

If she'd wanted a no-DC wedding, they'd have warned people at the outset. But yes, they might be wanting to keep numbers down and may be betting on people who don't feel close to them deciding not to use a day's leave.

RainySeptember Sun 19-Aug-18 08:34:29

October 2019? You've got ages to sort something!

First of all it could be half term (lots of areas will have two weeks off school in October from 2019, school holidays are changing).

If not, ask school for one day off so that you can attend a family wedding.

With 14 months notice would your ex take a day off to have them that weekend, if you reciprocated in some way that was helpful to him?

Momo27 Sun 19-Aug-18 08:35:21

Loads of people have weekday weddings because it’s significantly cheaper than booking registry office or other venue on a Saturday. Just because she has a well off father doesn’t mean the couple aren’t paying for some parts themselves - it seems a big leap to say she should have a Saturday wedding just because her dad could afford it!

You’re overthinking this by feeling it’s all about not wanting children there.

If youre keen to go, surely you can pay someone as a one off to pick the kids up from school and baby sit? Or if you’re not overly keen on going then what’s the problem? Do you work? Or have you always been there to pick your kids up from
School every day? Even if you can’t make this wedding, in your shoes I would start to build a network so that you’re not tied to school hours every day because that’s terribly restricting

TenThousandSpoons Sun 19-Aug-18 08:35:45

If the children are invited take them out of school for the day. You won’t be fined for one day, it’s 5+ days that triggers the fine (in my borough anyway). If the children are not welcome then you’ll have to decline but I’d explain why and then your cousin can decide if she wants you there and will allow your children to come as well.

RainySeptember Sun 19-Aug-18 08:36:13

And I doubt she chose Friday so that children wouldn't attend, she'd just put 'no children' on the invitations. It's because it's cheaper, or because she can't secure the venue/a supplier.

FlibbertyGiblets Sun 19-Aug-18 08:36:41

Our primary school was amenable to granting a day off for a family wedding. You're over thinking.
Unless the happy couple have invited you only, no children?

Drivemecrazy1974 Sun 19-Aug-18 08:37:00

Could also be that they've found a honeymoon that will start on the Saturday so they decided to bring the wedding forward a day?
If the invite doesn't say no children, I'd simply keep your children off school that day and say they were both ill with a bug - they're young, it's not like they've got exams coming up or anything, is it?
At the moment, it comes across as you trying to make this all about you!

MarthasGinYard Sun 19-Aug-18 08:37:01

'Actually she probably chose Friday because it's often several thousand pounds cheaper to hire a venue on a Friday!'

Guess what

Even wealthy people do this shock

iamthere123 Sun 19-Aug-18 08:37:57

Not everyone can book the day off though. As a teacher I would have to decline because I wouldn’t be able to take a Friday off! Weekday weddings just seem a bit weird to ne!

scrabbled01 Sun 19-Aug-18 08:39:35

Probably a cost thing.

My brother told set a date for the wedding on a Saturday, told us all. Then they realised if they booked the Friday it was several thousand pounds cheaper so they moved it.

Are the children invited? Surely you can sort some option for childcare, if you have a year to think about it? Childminder? Family friend? Sleepover at a friends house?

fixingabrokenhesrt Sun 19-Aug-18 08:39:57

Could your ex not just have them the Friday as well if he has them every weekend?

MarthasGinYard Sun 19-Aug-18 08:40:48

Are the dc actually on the invite?

Surely that would answer your question

RainySeptember Sun 19-Aug-18 08:40:58

My comment assumed that the dc weren't invited - xh picking them up from school or taking them out of school for the day.

But if they're invited it's even easier. Just ask the school for a day off. I teach, and it's a perfectly normal request.

Why should they pay £££ to have you there if you cba working something out so that you can attend.

sd249 Sun 19-Aug-18 08:41:02

When we got married, the venue was £20,000 on a Saturday (they had a small and big wedding option an only did the very big ones on a Sat) and £8000 on a Thursday. We got married on the Thursday. Nothing to do with children and given people had over a year to prepare no one we invited couldn't make it because of work.

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