I really need some advice. For background info in the past year I've found out my husband was having an affair, left him and moved to a different country with my two kids. My ex is a terrible father (in his own words he didn't want to be a family man anymore) and has let them down on countless occasions since the split, and in the past 3 weeks hasn't phoned the kids once. I understand this may be causing the children some upset, as well as the move and them starting a new school / nursery. We moved in May and it did go really well, they've settled in so well and we have lots of support here but I am, at times, struggling being a single mother (not that he did much to help before...!) and perhaps the honeymoon period has worn off for the kids now.
DD is 4 and DS is 6 and they've both started to take their anger out on me by calling me 'stupid mummy', 'bad mummy' etc and hitting and kicking me if they're angry. It's usually in reaction to me telling them it's bedtime or time to come in for dinner, time to take a bath etc. I do give them several warnings when the time gets close. They know it's coming but more often than not they get angry and then scream at me and insult me. Often DS will laugh when I'm angry which makes me feel like I've no respect from him.
It's worth mentioning that when they're not in this particular mood the children do respect me, show love, have manners and ask permission etc.
I'm someone who doesn't snap very quickly, it takes me quite a while before I get angry but when I do snap I get loud. I do try to stay calm and try distraction, humour, or 'love-bombing' before threatening to take away a toy or telling them they won't get this treat or that treat. I don't know if they think I'm soft...But anyway if that doesn't work I do get angry and if my buttons are really pushed (if they hurt me or they laugh in my face) I do shout and I follow through with threats.
The past few days DD has had several toys confiscated because of unacceptable behaviour (see above). She had a new toy a week ago (worth a fiver) and it's been confiscated and earned back too many times to count now. So I picked her up from nursery, she was in a good mood, but wanted to wear a leotard and tutu to dance class and I said it would be better to wear leggings underneath because it's cold which went down like a lead balloon. I then picked her up to put her in the car and she started kicking me and said nastily 'stupid mummy'. So when we were home I explained to her that her new toy was going in the bin as she had behaved very badly. And I did it. Confiscating it again was not going to work. What else can I do?
I love them with all my heart, and we do have some really lovely moments together. After a fight we have a conversation about what happened, how it made us feel and how we can stop it from happening again and we hug and apologise. I just really need to know that I'm not allowing them to walk all over me when they call me stupid or kick me. I don't know how to make them respect me!
What do you do if your kids call you nasty names or hit and kick you? and if they are hitting and kicking you, how do you stop them?! I lifted DD and got a massive kick in the groin! Help :(
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For putting the toy in the bin?
47 replies
helloworld2012 · 16/08/2018 13:15
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