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To not go out tonight even though I said would

(25 Posts)
DoubleDragons Thu 16-Aug-18 09:51:14

Helped arrange a friend’s surprise bday meal. She’s a lady I used to work with not close friend.
I’m having a difficult time atm had an awful job interview yesterday, been really down for a couple of weeks and struggling to get through the days.
I really don’t fancy polite chit chat all evening as many of her friends I wouldn’t really know.
Yesterday I was in tears all evening I just feel quite blue and want to lock myself away- would it be bad if I backed out last minute?
I know a mutual friend will be depending on me to go and feel obligated to.

FASH84 Thu 16-Aug-18 09:52:59

You might not feel up for it, but it might actually make you feel better to get out and socialise for a few hours. Why not day you have a bit of a headache, but still go, so if you're really struggling you can make excuses and leave

IHeartKingThistle Thu 16-Aug-18 09:53:14

You'll feel guilty if you don't go, I reckon, and that won't help either. You might feel better if you go, even just for a while.

Of course you don't have to, though!

Shoxfordian Thu 16-Aug-18 09:53:53

Yeah it might make you feel better to go and enjoy yourself. Not great to cancel on the day either.

greendale17 Thu 16-Aug-18 09:53:54

Yes it would be bad if you don’t go. Nothing worse than flakey people that cancel things last minute.

Aprilshowersinaugust Thu 16-Aug-18 09:54:24

If it was me I would use the opportunity to forget recent crappiness and get dress up up and make an effort, for myself to get out as much as for the others.
Sometimes dwelling is a bad idea!

letsdolunch321 Thu 16-Aug-18 09:57:11

I agree with other posters, you should make the effort to go out later- being around others may take your mind off feeling down.

Hugs & flowers for you

GreatDuckCookery Thu 16-Aug-18 10:00:05

Sorry you're so down. I know it's a cliche but ime you might feel a bit better for going.
That's my experience when I've not wanted to go somewhere because I've been feeling down or anxious flowers

WillowPeach Thu 16-Aug-18 10:08:00

I think you should listen to what your mind and body is saying. Don’t feel obligated to go if you’re having a rough time. Have a quiet and honest chat with whoever you’ve been organising with - i’m sure they’ll understand and have appreciated the help with it all the same.

You might feel better for going but it depends what kind of person you are. I’m an introvert by nature and if I feel down, the last thing I would want to do is socialise if i’m not feeling up to it.

Hope you feel better soon OP.

StayAChild Thu 16-Aug-18 10:30:05

I wouldn't let your mutual friend down. Often the things we dread doing turn out ok in the end, and it's only going to be a few hours. I never want to go to arranged things but often enjoy it more than expected.
Don't let your friend down this time, but avoid getting involved in such things in future. smile

SillyLittleBiscuit Thu 16-Aug-18 10:47:06

I don't think locking yourself away will make you happier. Go, for a short time at least. It's nice to be nice and I've no doubt you'll end of feeling better too.

Loonoon Thu 16-Aug-18 10:50:40

You will still feel crap if you stay home and wallow plus you will have extra guilt for letting people down and possibly a hefty dose of FOMO. If you go out you will feel crap but without the guilt and with the possibility of being taken out of yourself and maybe having some fun.

Go and if it’s unbearable, slope off early.

Mojitomogul Thu 16-Aug-18 10:51:04

I'd go- often when you feel the worst, you need something like this to avoid dwelling! Also you never know-they could have some great advice or opportunities for you.

MrsJayy Thu 16-Aug-18 10:55:04

Go out havea nice dinner sit far away from birthday lady so herother friends can gather round her and it will be fine your other friend will be lost if you are not there you can leave after coffee.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken Thu 16-Aug-18 11:21:18

I'd say push yourself out of your comfort zone, go for the meal, and try to sit next to the mutual friend, so at least you have someone to talk to

PinkHeart5914 Thu 16-Aug-18 11:23:11

You might even enjoy yoirself!

You feeling down and sitting at home feeling sorry for youself isn’t going to help but going out having good food, good company and just being out the house might be nice.

QueenOfMyWorld Thu 16-Aug-18 11:24:30

Go and see how you feel after a couple of drinks,you might feel more relaxed once you get into the evening

DoubleDragons Thu 16-Aug-18 12:37:52

Thanks all I’ll see if I can pull myself together by tonight but right now I’m very stressed

DoubleDragons Thu 16-Aug-18 14:07:21

Think I might leave it had yet more shit news this afternoon

FoofFighter Thu 16-Aug-18 16:52:15

Sorry to hear that OP flowers

@MNHQ is this really the kind of thread that needs to be jauntily added to discussions of the day? hmm

ainsisoisje Thu 16-Aug-18 19:46:06

I wouldn’t force yourself to go if are having a low period. Doubt a friend would want you to be struggling.

EstherMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 16-Aug-18 19:46:15

Hi there @FoofFighter. It's automated so we rely on mumsnetters letting us know if anything inappropriate makes it onto Discussions of the day and then we can take action to stop it doing so. We've done this now.

LeroyJenkins Thu 16-Aug-18 19:49:01

@DoubleDragons Are you feeling any better? Would you like to talk?

Dollymixture22 Thu 16-Aug-18 22:18:00

I think when you are feeling overwhelmed the best thing you can do is give yourself a break. I had a rough time a while back and i started saying no to things I really couldn’t face. The world didn’t stop turning and it was incredibly freeing.

Self care sounds like a flippant and annoying phrase until you find yourself in this kind of spot. It works. Be kind to yourself.

witchmountain Fri 17-Aug-18 09:42:20

I've just reported this because it's still in Discussions of the Day. @EstherMumsnet, it surely isn't entirely automated because someone has to write the title for the Discussions of the Day. In this case it's 'Plans - how many times can I bail?' which doesn't even accurately reflect what the poor OP has written!

OP, I think it depends on you. Personally in that situation I am sometimes better taking some time out. If I force myself to go I just find it depleting rather than reviving. The staying at home isn't wallowing feeling miserable, it's a just a period of not having to look after anyone apart from me!

Sorry that you have had more bad news. flowers

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