Dear Mumsnet
I've turned to mumsnet in desperation and need a a female perspective.
I'm worried I'm being an insensitive husband.
I need advice about how to approach a lack of intimacy and sex in our marriage since the birth of our first child.
The back story - I've been happily married for 7 years. We were together 5 years before getting married. We have two lovely children aged 3/12 and 11 months.
The problem with intimacy started when my wife got pregnant. We did not have sex or any sexual contact during the pregnancy. This was her wish and I was fine with it. Other intimacies were ok at that stage.
After the birth - as expected -all intimacy dissipated. We did not even kiss again for 10 months. We probably had sex 3 times in the 2 years after - once amazingly conceiving our beautiful daughter. Other intimacy remained very limited (and one sided from me).
Like all other couples - I think we neglected our relationship after our first baby. However, since - I've made sure we get some "us" time even if its only once per month. I still think she is beautiful and she still gets flowers and random gifts. I've re-arranged my work schedule to have a day off at home to help with childcare and home running.
I feel awful saying this - but having sex 4/5 times in 5 years isn't enough for me. The constant rejection, and then the constant holding back so im not "pestering" is getting me down. I'm happy in every other aspect and she is an AMAZING mother.
Its so hard to talk about things without appearing to moan about not getting any
Can I ask for your collective experience:
- Have other couples/ ladies had similar drops in their libido after their children - if so how did things turn out?
- Have any of you worked through a problem like this - what was your approach?
- If I can't get past this - what are my options - do any of you live in sexless marriages for the kids benefit and get on ok?
Feeling terrible about considering causing my children pain and leaving just because I dont get laid.
Any serious views will be taken on board.