Naughty nephew

[Mummytobe2018123]

So I’m due a baby boy in the next few weeks, I’m so excited and can not wait!!!! Only problem is I have a nephew and his behaviours is worrying!!! I love him to pieces but im scared my son will be influenced as he gets older by the way my nephew behaves!
I’m 18 and have many baby worries but I must say this is my biggest one!!
So about my nephews behaviour:
•he is 4 years old, my sister Is in school every night with him because of him doing something to get put on the naughty Face. He is already in 1 to 1 groups at school & been to see the head teacher!!!! He hits, sweats and is just awful to other children and the teachers... he’s took and dislike to one teacher so purposely acts up for her.

•I also have a sister at 4 yo, he infulences her ALOT!!! he will be told not to do something or say something and he will whisper to my sister telling her to do it so she gets in trouble! He takes her toys from her so she cries and then hides them, he can not share at all!

•when he gets into trouble he will either laugh at my sister or smack her. When being told off or told not to do something he will just walk past her like she’s not even there, like he can not hear her and carry on doing whatever he was told not to! She’s cried over his behaviour many of times!

•in school the other week everyone was at dinner eating and he stood on top of the dinner table and started shouting “I am the champion, look at me everyone” after all the class was told to eat quietly

•if he doesn’t get his own way he will ask and ask and ask until someone gives into him. If he is told no off someone he will blank them and carry on asking expecting someone else to say yes which usually my sister does!

•my sister cries at least 7 times within 4 hours because he’s either hit her, threatened her, took something from her and hid it. We can’t take them out together as it’s embarrassing constantly having to tell him to stop winding her up! This morning he took her hair brush and backed her into a corner holding the hair brush up saying he’s going to batter her with it! HES 4!!!!

•he can eat until he can’t eat no more and if someone else is eating he will take their food ! Normal behaviour but he will ask for something ie Chocolate so we will give him chocolate and my sister too, the same thing... he will throw his chocolate away and take hers from her.

He’s got to be centre of attention all the time and he gets away with it! I’m just so scared my son is going to get older see his behaviour and think it’s acceptable! Can anyone advise or put me at ease! :(

[adoggymama]

Don't socialise your son with him and consider that your sister isn't parenting him properly.

[Mummytobe2018123]

My sister lives right next door to my mums where I’m staying for a few months while I get myself sorted with being a mum. My sister is at my house every day even my mum and dad find it very hard and unfortunately we slightly dread them coming... we love them both to pieces but if it’s been a busy day we dread going home knowing she will be straight round with him xx

[upsideup]

Hes obviously got behaviour problems and it sounds really tough for your sister but your child is your repsonsability, if your son is naughty then its not going to be his cousins fault.
He will very possibly end up going to school and interacting with much naughtier children, all my kids do but they dont just copy bad behaviour because they have been taught not to.

[Uzicorn]

Do you live with your sister and nephew?

If not, it's unlikely your son will copy his behaviour.

When your son is 4 your nephew will be 8 or 9 and won't want to play with a 4yo.

Please remember your nephew is only 4, he is very very young.

Do you and your sister have parental support? Is your sister a young mum too? There might be help available for young mums, perhaps parenting classes to help manage?

[Piffle11]

Just keep your child away from him. By the time your DS is old enough to be influenced, hopefully DN will have calmed down - if not, steer clear. Also, be careful he doesn't get jealous of the baby: I had this with DH's DN and DS1. DN was always trying to hurt the baby, even when he was a newborn. It was horrible, and MIL kept bringing DN to our house, unannounced. I had to put a stop to it in the end, as it got quite bad.

[slowrun]

Sounds like your sister is absolutely worn out and struggling. Don't rush to judge her parenting. You haven't highlighted any aspect of particularly awful parenting as far as I can see.There could be other things going on here such as some form of additional needs.

Concerning your own child remember you will be there to look after them so don't worry too much. You do not have to leave them alone in a situation where he is there. They will be quite a bit younger so in one way that is an advantage as they will not be expected to be left unsupervised to play together.

[Uzicorn]

Cross post.

When you move out, don't live so close to your sister.

[Claw001]

Has your sister spoken to any professionals about his behaviour?

[IceCreamFace]

I think he and your sister need some intensive support to get on top of his behaviour. He either has developmental issue or just needs more/different parenting.

Your child won't be influenced by him for many years so I don't think it's an immediate concern from that perspective (although obviously with a new baby the last thing you want is a rambunctious badly behaved boy rampaging round your house all the time).

Your child will come across badly behaved children who encourage him/her to behave badly and how they respond to that will depend largely on their personality and your parenting. I would read around about different parenting strategies and child development at various ages so you're prepared early when your child comes (or as prepared as you can be!). It's likely that by the time your child is old enough to even notice what your nephew is doing you'll be set up in your own place. Good luck!

[SisterNotCisTerf]

My sister lives right next door to my mums where I’m staying for a few months

How much do you think your baby will pick up in a few months?

[Mummytobe2018123]

We have suggested to my sister many of times about behaviour problem, to be honest I think school is starting to look into it already but it isn’t easy with him being only 4. Whenever suggested to my sister that she needs to put her foot down more or she needs to control him, she takes offence. We have all spoken about behaviour problems but she denies it and puts it down to him being a typical boy. But even my mum after 4 kids has said she wouldn’t be able to handle him, she finds it hard taking care of him for an hour although she found it easy taking care of us for 18 years+! It’s so hard and really starting to get to us... we discuss it quite a lot mainly without my sister and nephew there, but my mum knows my worry and tells me it’s the way I learn him, not to let him get away with it like my nephew always has x

[Mummytobe2018123]

Once I’ve moved out of my mums I’m moving over the road so he will pick up quite a bit over time

[upsideup]

If you are only staying with your mum for a few months then your son will only be a few months old which is far to young to be noticing and copying the behaviour you mentioned.

[Iamoutragedetc]

Move out if it worries you.

[SisterNotCisTerf]

It’s up to you to raise your own child. Your baby will be in school with 29/30 other children with all sorts of issues and problems. (Your child may have too!) You have to parent your child so that it knows the expectations and consequences. Be consistent and your child will be fine. Stop worrying about something that isn’t even a problem yet.

[cestlavielife]

When baby is born speak to.health visitor about your worries
Ask health visitor to book you on to parenting classes
You are young and it sounds like your sister is too but you can only look out for.yourself and your baby.
If you learn good parenting techniques for.you then all will be well. There will be classes and groups for.young parents. Take advantage of them.
You could try and encourage your sister to attend parenting classes but it's her choice. School.will try and help her if her son's behaviour is disruptive.
Focus on yourchild and your parenting and do your best to learn from parenting classes.

[rainingcatsanddog]

I'd disagree that there's no obvious poor parenting going on. Lots of giving in to his dictatorial demands going on. It's possible that there are additional needs but your sister needs to want to change if things are to change. If you were your sister, I'd be advising you to find a parenting course.

Good news is baby won't be influenced by his behaviour until he's older. However I'd be seriously concerned about the possibility of him hurting your baby as many angry/insecure/jealous kids do.

[AnnieAnoniMoose]

You’re 18 and pregnant. Think about what you’re going to do about your life. How you are going to support yourself and your baby? What other education are you going to be doing? What career would you really like? Work on being a good role model to your child, that will do you both more good than worrying about what your sister is, or is not, doing with her child. You don’t HAVE to live across the road if you educate yourself and work hard to give yourself choices.

[Sleepyblueocean]

As your child grows up they will come into contact with children who have behaviours that you disapprove of and he may spend more time with these children than your nephew. Equally there may be other parents who disapprove of some aspects of your child's behaviour.
You need to focus on your parenting of your child.

[YippeeKayakOtherBuckets]

Yeah, I’d recommend not living over the road. How about you be the one to try and break the cycle of kids having kids?

Do some parenting classes, read lots, aim higher for your son.

[Guienne]

Has your sister asked for a referral to a paediatrician for her son?

[FlipnTwist]

Of course there is poor parentin going on! That poor little boy is being given all the control and doesn't know what to do with it! It is scary for a child that young to be the one in charge.To be able to have his mother in tears at will!
Your disis needs to get herself on a parenting course, or at least watch some of the supernanny programmes to see what she has to do to regain control and putting some boundaries in place.

[Isawthelight]

You haven't highlighted any aspect of particularly awful parenting as far as I can see.There could be other things going on here such as some form of additional needs

Are you serious? What about...

when he gets into trouble he will either laugh at my sister or smack her. When being told off or told not to do something he will just walk past her like she’s not even there, like he can not hear her and carry on doing whatever he was told not to

Sister needs to take charge when this happens and remove him from the situation - time out or whatever, not let it go.

if he doesn’t get his own way he will ask and ask and ask until someone gives into him. If he is told no off someone he will blank them and carry on asking expecting someone else to say yes which usually my sister does!


Sister needs to stop giving in to him, she's encouraging and enabling this behaviour.


he can eat until he can’t eat no more and if someone else is eating he will take their food

Again, sister is allowing him to take peoples food from them - encouraging rude behaviour = bad parenting.

That's just a few examples of bad parenting, there's lots more to choose from.

[Gottagetmoving]

Your sister is making mistakes but this doesn't mean you have to.
If you parent differently then your son won't be like that. Don't keep your son away from his cousin. It's not his fault that his behaviour is not being dealt with properly.

[Branleuse]

It sounds to me like your nephew may well have some SEN. It sounds like your sister is at her wits end. Children dont tend to behave that way naturally. We are naturally social animals and children dont just become naturally agressive to each other and their parents unless they have witnessed it themselves or they have some SEN that makes it difficult to understand social rules and appropriate behaviours. Your sister needs support.