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AIBU?

I think a married man likes me, how do you tell?

75 replies

Skylantern · 14/08/2018 16:04

So I work with this guy, not often but do cross paths for a small time each day.

I am happily taken in a long term relationship and he is married. He is a bit older, not sure how much by but def older at least 10 years.
When I first saw him he looked a bit awkward infront of Me, caught him looking once but only once. He doesn't really talk to me other than say hi or whatever.
Anyway my boss had me working with him the other day because someone called in sick and he looked instantly uncomfortable....but as the day went on he got more confident.
I have been out of the game so long I can't tell what is banter and what is flirting.
Some of things he said made me wonder if he was trying to flirt such as...

  • asking lots about me and I felt he was trying to find out if I had a spouse from some of the questions.


  • when I said I don't have any pockets for pens he told me to put it in my bra


  • he said he was going to tell my brother who he knows but not close with that he is going out with a chick today and was going to pretend it was me but then said Maybe not...


  • I felt he was fishing for compliments asking me why I liked working in his department and do I like it more now? I think he was trying to get me to say it was because of him.

He also told me he used to go out with a girl years ago before he was married in my area but had another one on the go at the same time somewhere else and said back when I was young and had fun.

I know these things aren't that flirty but there was something about him which made me think he was trying to get me to flirt with him.
I can't really tell him to back off when he's not obviously done something to say he's interested.
OP posts:
TheVanguardSix · 14/08/2018 16:10

In answer to your question: Who cares? You’re in a relationship and he sounds like a total tool.

I’d just be totally professional and evade the questions. He sounds terribly tacky. Any way you can stop working with him and have someone else cross paths with him daily instead of you?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/08/2018 16:10

Yes you can tell him to 'back off' without saying a word. You sound as if you like him and want this to be a 'squee' thread where we all join in with you picking over the bones of this.

It's not going to be that at all. Please stop with your wide-eyed naivety and grow up.

WhiteCoyote · 14/08/2018 16:11

He sounds like a nightmare. I’d keep asking pointed questions about his wife.

NorthEndGal · 14/08/2018 16:12

Just brush him off, don't engage, or encourage.
Someone saying they were a two timer would elicit a strong "ew, gross " from most people, not a flirt back!

bridgetreilly · 14/08/2018 16:13

Seriously. You do not need to know AT ALL what he thinks of you. He is a work colleague who is married to someone else (and I agree with pp, sounds like an immature idiot). Just do your job and ignore anything else.

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 14/08/2018 16:13

He's married. You don't need to know whether he's flirting. If he isn't, you make yourself look like a fool by believing he is. If he is, everyone looks like a fool.

Just back off.

Bluntness100 · 14/08/2018 16:13

are you interested in him op?

WizardOfToss · 14/08/2018 16:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tallzarathegreat · 14/08/2018 16:14

Agree with lyingwitch grow up.

He told you to put pens in your bra, do you think that is appropriate?

I'd report him based on that alone.

To answer, no I don't think he 'likes you', but he does sound like a disgusting creep who might shag you if you let him.

LonginesPrime · 14/08/2018 16:14

Eww, gross - if you don't fancy him, just ignore/avoid him and if you do, ask yourself why.

InspectorIkmen · 14/08/2018 16:15

He sounds grim and you need to stop looking at him as anything other than a colleague. As LyingWitch said, it comes across as faux wide-eyed innocence.
If he continues to cross the line with his clumsy banter tell him to stop.

LonginesPrime · 14/08/2018 16:16

Oh, I agree with PPs that you should report him if he continues or at least make a note of the times/dates of his comments. He sounds about twelve.

wiggy1993 · 14/08/2018 16:17

from experience, if you felt something was odd it probably was... i get you may want to know what you are up against but take some of the others advice, brush it off and return with questions about his wife - that'll probably do it

Skylantern · 14/08/2018 16:19

I didn't flirt back. Like I said I don't even know if it was flirting or just banter. I work with lots of men and they haven't acted like that before so it made me wonder.
I'm very happy in my relationship so I wouldn't take it further and I'm not nieve...ive saw the devastation cheating can cause and I would never do that to my dp ever.
The man is quite attractive but not an attractive personality. I just want to know if I'm over thinking it.

OP posts:
EthelThePiratesDaughter · 14/08/2018 16:22

OP, the guy is a sleazy arse and that's all you need to know. Keep your distance and don't think any more of it.

Sweetsongbird1 · 14/08/2018 16:25

The bra thing would have fucked me off alone.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/08/2018 16:27

Then why start the thread OP? With such a long and involved first post? If you were genuine, it would have been:

"I have to work with a man who I think is flirting with me. I'm not interested. How do I Iet him know that without being rude?"

Not much like your post, was it?

You're being a bit pathetic and I'm not fooled with your second post either.

BastardGoDarkly · 14/08/2018 16:29

Yeah, I think you are a bit op.

Whether he is or isn't, he sounds a prick. Arms length, cutting stupid conversations dead, and a glare where necessary shold do it.

I think you know this though.

Skylantern · 14/08/2018 16:31

Because I genuinely don't know if that's flirting or just banter. People at work make jokes all the time but I found his a bit different from the usual type of banter and was thinking maybe he fancied me or something? But didn't know if I was flattering myself.
I don't have to work with him everyday so don't need to report it as such. I would feel a bit silly for reporting it incase it was just a man-ish comment that was harmless.
I guess at the very most I enjoyed being flatterered as it doesn't happen very often but no I'm not interested and if he did ever make a move I would tell him straight. I did mention my partner a lot during the questions so he does know. He spoke of his wife too.

OP posts:
EthelThePiratesDaughter · 14/08/2018 16:33

It doesn't matter whether it's "flirting" or "banter". It's creepy and inappropriate, is what it is.

Sweetsongbird1 · 14/08/2018 16:33

It’s not banter he is s creepy fucker.

He is talking about your underwear ffs which is actually a no go especially in work.

Would he speak like that in front of his wife or your DP? If not - you have your answer

Skylantern · 14/08/2018 16:33

I think I felt a bit of sexual tension but I just don't know if it's all in my head...i know that makes me sound interested in him but I wouldn't go there.

OP posts:

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BlancheM · 14/08/2018 16:33

He sounds like a right tit. Those men are always so annoying and I bet he's like that with every woman.

maras2 · 14/08/2018 16:34

A 'chick' Shock
FFS is he Del Boy?
What a sleaze.
I don't understand why you want to know if he's flirting also lose the word 'banter'.It's a sleazy bloke word for inappropriate verbal behaviour.

foxyliz26 · 14/08/2018 16:34

Never play second fiddle to no one, , imagine if it was done to you, ?

keep him at arms length , tell him you are happy in your LTR

it will do wonders for your self esteem, , tell your LTP , it might make him appreciate you even more

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