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AIBU?

I hate that my house is the "go to" house

83 replies

saltybitchface · 13/08/2018 13:30

My DD age 8 is popular girl with lots of neighbourhood pals. For some reason our home is the go to house. Every fucking day this summer my doorbell is rang before noon by some kid or another wanting to play either in my house with DD or in my back garden. I try and tell DD to go play at the park or go to the other kids back gardens, and sometimes she will, but usually they all return after a short time because they are bored 😑

Sometimes DH is sleeping during the day(shift worker ) and the kids (including my DD) can be too noisy. I also just want to get out of bed and look ugly in my ugly slob clothes and ugly hair and not have to keep and eye on the kids or even the fact that they eat the snacks I've bought for my own kids.

Why the hell don't these kids parents ever think to themselves, "oh you've been at such and such's house a lot this summer, maybe give her mum a break? Or I guess they are just happy that their kid is outside their house and don't care that I don't want your kid in my house every day of the summer hols! 🤯

I generally am of the "I hate unexpected visitors" crowd but for kids I know I don't need to be perfectly dressed or the house doesn't need to be super tidy, but man I some days I just want to sit and slob in front of the tv and I feel I can't relax at all when the door is going and kids coming and going through my house and garden 😭😭

AIBU or would this make you crazy too?

OP posts:
ToothTrauma · 13/08/2018 13:31

Say no. It’s your house.

Frogscotch7 · 13/08/2018 13:33

Just say no. They can play outside together or your daughter can play inside herself. These are her options.

saltybitchface · 13/08/2018 13:33

I know I could say no but then DD is upset as she wants to play with her friends.

OP posts:
ToothTrauma · 13/08/2018 13:34

Well then she gets upset. It’s not the end of the world. She can play with them somewhere else. Agree a maximum number of times a week with your DD and remind her of it if she complains.

KarinVogel · 13/08/2018 13:35

Can you limit it to certain days of the week? So definitely not on a Monday but Wednesdays and Thursdays are open house ?

Aprilshowersinaugust · 13/08/2018 13:36

This was our house once.
We got a puppy. Even busier.
For a short while.
Then puppy grew.
Into a huge rottweiler -
Suddenly the knocking stopped!!
Bloody bliss!!

MazDazzle · 13/08/2018 13:38

You need to be more assertive and teach your DD to do the same (easier said than done!). Can you introduce some boundaries, say on Monday & Wednesday friends are allowed in the house/garden but not on the other days because you’re busy. Say it to the kids as soon as you/your daughter answers the door.

We never get kids coming to our door and my kids rarely get invited on play dates. I’ve done more than my fair share of inviting this sunmer. I’ve had my own kids 24/7 and have had other kids round to the house and taken them on days out. I even took them camping! I wish other parents would think to return the favour. Even a couple of hours would make all the difference.

IWantMyHatBack · 13/08/2018 13:39

Just turn them away? Confused

Originalsaltedpeanuts · 13/08/2018 13:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sailorcherries · 13/08/2018 13:42

If it's nice out my DS knows there are no indoor guests, they can play in the garden but not come trailing through my house.

Frogscotch7 · 13/08/2018 13:43

Could you discuss it with your daughter one evening if you don’t like giving her a flat no when she asks. Explain that it is not working and she won’t be allowed anyone over for the next week or fortnight. She is still welcome to play with her friends outside the house so she isn’t being separated from them. Perhaps if she is aware of the new “rule” in advance she won’t get so upset.

HollowTalk · 13/08/2018 13:45

Answer the door. "Oh you want DD to come and play at yours? OK I'll get her."

If they reply, "No, I want to play here," just say, "Sorry, not today" and shut the door.

Maelstrop · 13/08/2018 13:45

Woman up and tell them no. My dh would get no sleep if all the neighbourhood dc kept knocking during the day. I’d be fuming. Tell your dd to organise to meet them at the park or someone else’s house, you’ve done more than your fair share. It’s a bit daft to complain if your doing nothing about it.

serbska · 13/08/2018 13:45

Say no.

They are 8 and children.

Answer the door and say:

"Sorry sweetie, DD can't have friends to play today - she can go to yours or to the park but I need my house quiet today"

Then tell DD "Honey, you can't bring frineds back today OK? So if you get bored at the park you can go to

saltybitchface · 13/08/2018 13:45

I definitely do need to be more assertive. Limiting to certain days of the week is a good idea. Then I can mentally prepare for the disruption if you know what I mean. The thing that's been holding me back from just saying "not today girls" and closing the door is, I don't want my DD to remember her mum being mean and unwelcoming to her friends. I am hoping when she's a teen, then she will have her pals around and I can still keep an eye on her. I want her to popular and have lots of friends, but really why don't other parents notice that their kid has been at my house all summer long? I wouldn't let my DD ring someone's door everyday all summer long wanting to play in their home.

OP posts:
Mookatron · 13/08/2018 13:46

I always pictured myself as the kind of mum who enjoyed having random kids around all the time, feeling comfortable enough to hang around here. In reality kids are annoying, noisy and messy and I hate it.

However I allow it because I think I might be glad of it when they are older if they think of my house as a safe place now.

vivalafrida · 13/08/2018 13:47

Put a tent up in the garden?

saltybitchface · 13/08/2018 13:48

That's exactly it Mookatron.

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 13/08/2018 13:49

I'm with the just say no camp.

That said, yanbu - it seems absurd that not one of the other girls' parents have thought to themselves 'You know what, xxx has been at salty's a lot this week, perhaps we should give her a break from the girls.'

imnotreally · 13/08/2018 13:50

Ive had to say no neighbours kids allowed in the house. Else they'd all be in my house. Got fed up with having random kids in my house.

slovenlys · 13/08/2018 13:51

Maybe the other parents just think their kids are playing out and don't know they always end up in your house?? Or they're so busy slobbing round in their slob clothes they just don't care! Grin

Agree with PP, just say NO occasionally. Stop worrying about DD being popular, she either will or won't be and that won't be down to mum letting friends round.

FittonTower · 13/08/2018 13:52

My dad was a shift worker, if he was sleeping i couldn't have friends round, it was just the rules.

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Skittlesandbeer · 13/08/2018 13:52

Note pinned to your door, disengage doorbell, ignore knocking. Pick 1-2 days, specify 2-3 period (so you’re not feeding them) and text these to their parents.

Set up crafts, chores, etc for your kid and stick to the plan.

I have a single extrovert child your DD’s age, and no way would her preferences dictate the whole household’s dynamic all summer. You’ve let everyone fall into bad habits, so it’ll be tough (but doable) to correct everyone’s thinking. Walk a few of them home when they come knocking, so you can speak directly to their (bedraggled embarrassed) parents. While you’ve caught them off-guard, arrange actual play dates with them, like normal people.

Now go watch Netflix in your pjs.

Shockers · 13/08/2018 13:52

I tried to explain the need for ‘ugly slob’ time to my 18yr old DS. Still I often wake up to find random teens have stayed over (we live rurally). He just doesn’t understand the deep need for Mum’s ‘ugly time’.

DeepfriedPizza · 13/08/2018 13:52

Ours is the same. There are 2 girls in our street who are always in our house with DD at weekends. Luckily during summer one of the girls is with her gran so is not here during the week.
Last week I tried to chuck one of them out by saying " that's time up, it's time to go home" she had been in my house for 4 hours (she is 6). I went to the front garden to make sure she got in ok but she was just hanging about her drive way. Turns out her Mum had went out and not said to her or me.

I have stopped feeding them though. It is equally annoying that the very few times that DD is in their house the Mums feed her when I have her lunch or dinner in the oven.

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