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To insist dc stats in her bloody bed after lights out ?

(37 Posts)
AlphaBites Sat 11-Aug-18 22:36:10

DD (9) is driving me up the fucking wall. Routine is to bed for 8.30/8.45 - reading then lights out around 9. Every single fucking night she gets up and wanders around, I can hear her as living room is directly below her room. She'll wake around 6.30 every morning without fail and then watch TV, she's miserable the next day and this has been going on for a year. I shout at her to get to bed, she'll call out 'OK' then still bloody mess around. H is fed up with it and claims I'm being unreasonable and should just leave her to it, she won't fall asleep until 11 - 11.30.
If I send her to bed then come upstairs to stand 'guard' -- are about on my bed on my phone-- she's fast asleep within 20 mins as I don't allow the extra 3 toilet trips or 'I need a drink' or someother bullshit . During an argument last night I said I had had enough and was going to come up each evening for a month to read establish a bed time routine for her, when I was up here before H would follow me up and start moaning he was on his own downstairs and it was crazy me being up here.
After I said my plan last night he started complaining again, I should just leave her alone and I'm ruining our evenings. All we do is watch TV anyway!! If I hear a floorboard creak though of her getting out of bed AGAIN I always tell her to get back, he then gets frustrated as when I shout he jumps and then we both get fed up with each other. I was never allowed to get up and wander about at her age,I went to bed and bloody stayed there!

So tell me MNetters - AIBU to expect my child to stay in bloody bed and not arse about?! 😡

Bringonspring Sat 11-Aug-18 22:41:19

9 is still quite young and I think you are right that she needs a routine. I think it’s a great idea to help her establish a bedtime routine (albeit of course a little more grown up that a 3 year year old).

Potentially she would love you to sit with her and still read stories etc. Maybe she’s doing it for your attention etc. She is 9 not 14 etc.

It’s clearly not working currently so I think you are spot on to support her helping her find a routine.

Queenofthestress Sat 11-Aug-18 22:44:32

Nope, you're not unreasonable at all if she's grumpy in the mornings because she's staying up too late faffing about. I would do an 8 on the dot in bed lights out by half past. If she can't stay in bed like you know she can then the bedtime gets pushed earlier and earlier until she stays in bed. She's pushing her luck for the sake of it. This is something my 4 year old does, I wouldn't expect it at 8 tbh

NancyDonahue Sat 11-Aug-18 22:50:29

My has audio book CDs that she listens too until she falls asleep. It might help.

upsideup Sat 11-Aug-18 22:59:30

Personally I would just leave her to it, none of my kids have a bedtime routine they just go to bed when they're tired. When we first dropped the routine when eldest was 8 she did stay up untill after midnight for the first week or so but then she learnt to regulate her own sleep and now we never have any stress over the kids going to bed.
You can't force someone to sleep if they're not tired or dont want to and at some point she is going to have to learn to do it herself anyway.

gemsparkle84 Sat 11-Aug-18 23:06:46

When I was that age I really enjoyed listening to cassette stories to help me drop off. I had 'George's Marvellous Medicine', 'The Witches', 'Little Women' and 'Heartbeat' (yes the tv series!) to name a few. Clearly you won't be able to get cassettes but maybe a podcast or cd she could listen to?

gemsparkle84 Sat 11-Aug-18 23:07:32

@NancyDonahue ha ha audiobooks! Yes I couldn't think of the correct term!

LonelyStranger Sat 11-Aug-18 23:11:41

Ahh sounds tough. I have a 7 year old, he still likes me to tuck him in. So, we do the get ready for bed, tuck in, have a little chat about the day. For him, that’s his special time. Maybe have a sort of routine. As pp said, not something similar to younger child, but she is young.

I also stopped bedtime at a specific time, so it varies but as soon as dc looks like he’s getting tired, it’s bedtime. - Probably not something others would advocate.

DontCallMeCharlotte Sat 11-Aug-18 23:17:21

OP what is she doing when she gets up?

flametrees Sat 11-Aug-18 23:19:16

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

purplecorkheart Sat 11-Aug-18 23:27:01

Can she hear the tv from downstairs when she is in bed? Could that be disturbing her and making it hard to sleep?

Anonnymouse54321 Sat 11-Aug-18 23:27:18

YANBU. My 7 year old does this and it really pisses me off. Tonight we sent her up early because of her awful attitude and stroppiness. Think it was 6.30 but she had her colouring and likes to read so we knew she wasn't going to sleep. Eventually I put her to bed at 8.35 as she was starting to dick about. It was gone 10 before she actually stayed in bed and went to sleep. Tomorrow will be more attitude because she will be tired now. I get fed up of this as she can do it night after night after night. I can't remember the last time I watched something without pausing it constantly. I would never have dared do this either at that age. I know it did improve when we let her read before laying down but we still get evenings like tonight where she suddenly goes to the toilet 4 times in 1 hour which is more times than she goes all bloody day.

DS is 10, he goes up so we can have peace but we don't tell him when to go to bed. He plays in his room and sets up various toys. He's become good at just going to bed himself. Sometimes if it's a school night and it's gone 8.30 we tell him to go to sleep but we rarely have to. He's an early riser so needs to go to sleep earlier.

Anonnymouse54321 Sat 11-Aug-18 23:28:52

Also your DH sounds like a whiney moron. Moaning because he's alone downstairs? He needs a grip and sounds like an attention seeking toddler complaining because you aren't paying attention to him!

MollysMummy2010 Sat 11-Aug-18 23:37:39

Op I am with you - would love to have no bed time over the summer but I just get a grumpy daughter the following day and it is also difficult going back to school. I stay within about 9 to 10 pm and keep up with bath and reading routine year round. My daughter will sleep from 9 to 7 and seems to be what she needs. She will sleep in if she needs it when we are off (half ten wake up on Monday as first day off in holidays)

Wittow Sat 11-Aug-18 23:42:19

is she tired enough to actually go to sleep? doing enough physical activity during the day? we all need to learn to wind down, you tried the milky drink, warm bath, lavender, book at bedtime, that sort of thing?

Fatted Sat 11-Aug-18 23:44:36

If you just ignore her, what does she do? Could she be doing it because she knows she'll get a reaction from you?

Honestly in the summer holidays I wouldn't bother with a strict bedtime. She needs to regulate it for herself anyway and you can't force her to sleep if she is doesn't want to, even if she's tired.

GripNeeded Sun 12-Aug-18 00:05:20

@AlphaBites your DH moans because he is alone downstairs??!!

I'd deal with that situation first before you worry about your daughters perfectly normal behaviour

Fallennova Sun 12-Aug-18 00:12:15

We had the opposite whereby my partner's son (he's 10) would come into our room and wake us up at about 5.30am to get his controller to play his xbox (we take it away at night otherwise he would be playing it all night) I'm a light sleeper so I woke up every time!

The last time he did it, we banned him from the xbox for 2 days and he was hysterical! He has never done it since.

Could you ban/ ground her from something she likes to do if she gets out of her bed again?

user1471517900 Sun 12-Aug-18 00:14:56

Based on the title I think a little study of the Gaussian distribution would probably both educate and send someone to sleep quickly. Win win.

Losingthewill1 Sun 12-Aug-18 02:15:44

Give her something to do or actually spend time with your child?

Poor kid,

MissWimpyDimple Sun 12-Aug-18 06:46:18

OP isn't doing it to be controlling, she wants a well rested child!

I totally understand as my DD can be similar.

I would do as you say and establish a routine. She needs her sleep.

We teach our children to do everything else (use the toilet, eat properly etc), why shouldn't we teach them to sleep?

How about a reward for a week of not wandering about?

Btw your DH sounds like a twat.

Cheby Sun 12-Aug-18 07:13:10

Your plan is perfectly reasonable OP. If 20 mins of you sat upstairs is all it takes to get a well rested child, then it’s worth that, surely? Your DH is a twat.

Laureline Sun 12-Aug-18 07:42:29

I would make the TV unusable at night once you go to bed (take away power cable etc).

I would also tell my moronic husband to find his spine, and be a partner and a parent - rather than a whiney manchild.

GeorgeIII Sun 12-Aug-18 07:51:36

Tv is quite an attraction so no tv in the morning - maybe you and DH could do without it too for a bit (unlikely from how you describe DH) . Give her books or something quiet to do in her room instead.

confusedandemployed Sun 12-Aug-18 08:00:08

What @MissWimpyDimple said, to a tee. I'm constantly amazed that people don't seem to realise what an important life skill learning to sleep is. It's minimised all the time both on MN and in RL, and consequently children are exhausted, fractious and grumpy. Some children self regulate their sleep perfectly well by age 8, OP's DD clearly doesn't and OP wants to remedy this. Perfectly reasonable.

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