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To think the best advice I can give my daughter is don’t have any children?

(363 Posts)
WaitingForSunday17 Sat 11-Aug-18 19:48:46

Because it is completely soul destroying and the negatives massively outweigh any positives?
I have a son too. I don’t think it’s so bad for men. I wouldn’t be so sad for him if he ended up having children. But I think for women it ruins your life and the happiest people I know - and I think some study confirmed this - are those that are child free by choice? Completely different if you want them and can’t have them I realise.

Babdoc Sat 11-Aug-18 19:50:13

Gosh, that’s a sad and bleak view, OP! What has made you feel like this?

NapQueen Sat 11-Aug-18 19:50:16

"Dd, dont have kids. Its shit" - thanks mum.

How old is your dd? Why metion kids at all?

kierenthecommunity Sat 11-Aug-18 19:50:22

Erm. Yeah by all means tell your daughter she ruined your life. That’d validate her

Amanduh Sat 11-Aug-18 19:50:31

Erm yabvvvvvu

YeTalkShiteHen Sat 11-Aug-18 19:50:34

Why do you feel that way OP are you ok?

Please don’t tell her this, it’s a huge rejection and will hurt her deeply.

Ivorbig1 Sat 11-Aug-18 19:50:38

Yabu. I hope she never reads this. Perhaps you need a hobby to fulfil you, children are not the be all and end all for some and need additional interests. Never never tell her.

ShakeShakeTheMuffin Sat 11-Aug-18 19:51:01

And how is that going to make your daughter feel? That you wish she'd never been born?

SprogletsMum Sat 11-Aug-18 19:51:52

Nah. I have children and my life is massively enriched by them. Yes it can be hard at times but there's always something to brighten the day with them. Even if on a particularly bad day, it's only them being angelic looking whilst asleep.
For me, yes my life has changed more for the dc than dps has but the bond I have with the dc is so different to his. It is worth it.

FlatPackFurnitureCompAnyone Sat 11-Aug-18 19:52:57

How old are your kids OP?

I agree that having kids is bloody hard work, and relentless in the early years, but I honestly wouldn’t change anything if I had my time again. How are you feeling within yourself? Is the children’s father on the scene?

Radiosheep Sat 11-Aug-18 19:53:29

You must be going through a rough patch OP. Everyone does with dcs at times but what you are saying seems extreme. There must be bits that you enjoy about having dcs?

DiabolicalMess Sat 11-Aug-18 19:53:39

Never tell her this. My mum said it to me repeatedly throughout my teenage years (presumably to put me off having sex and getting pregnant young) but it has really affected my self confidence to know that the one person who is meant to love me above anyone else in the world sees me as a mistake that ruined their life. Don't do that to her.

I love being a mum, your daughter might too - it's her decision to make without your influence.

hottotrotsky Sat 11-Aug-18 19:53:45

YANBU. Nuff said.

Fevs Sat 11-Aug-18 19:53:59

Before everyone jumps on her being quite nasty it sounds like there is a bigger and more deep rooted issue here.
Op, are you ok? How old is your daughter?
Has something happened for you to feel like this or has it always been your view on having kids?

Having kids is definitely tough and extremely tiring but it’s really upsetting to hear you say you’d be sad if your daughter wanted kids of her own.

I hope you’re ok and have good support around you flowers

pontiouspilates Sat 11-Aug-18 19:54:51

I am genuinely sorry that you feel this way. This is not my experience of parenting at all. Please never say this to your DD, and perhaps seek some counselling for yourself to work on why you feel like this.

Clockwork95 Sat 11-Aug-18 19:55:00

No...on the contrary I think that's possibly one of the worst things you could say to your child!

What is it that's made you feel that way? Could you try and give her some constructive advice based around that e.g. if your reason is because it means you had to give up your career, encourage her to choose a family friendly employer and a DP who is willing to take on half the childcare (just an example)?

WaitingForSunday17 Sat 11-Aug-18 19:55:18

My daughter is only little and my son is approaching the teen years.
I wouldn’t say like it’s shit don’t do it. More encourage her to think about what else she might do with her freedom if she didn’t have children.

YeTalkShiteHen Sat 11-Aug-18 19:55:20

Before everyone jumps on her being quite nasty it sounds like there is a bigger and more deep rooted issue here

I thought this too.

pippety Sat 11-Aug-18 19:55:24

YWBVVVVU to say this to your daughter, obviously. But it sounds like you’re really struggling, OP - have you spoken to anyone IRL about how you feel?

Hidillyho Sat 11-Aug-18 19:55:40

I love my life more so since having a child. DC is only 2 at the moment so maybe my views have changed but I can honestly say my life is better with her in it. Yes, I do occasionally miss the old me but it’s only a small miss of my old life.

Do you honestly think that your kids have ruined your life? Everything is so magical with kids

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 11-Aug-18 19:55:58

Are you alright OP?

Not sure this is a debate thread as much as a support thread.


nuttyknitter Sat 11-Aug-18 19:56:04

I'm so sorry you feel this way, but please don't say anything to your DD - just imagine how crushed she'd feel to know that you think she's ruined your life.

Titsywoo Sat 11-Aug-18 19:56:22

I disagree. The happiest people I know are those with children. I'm sorry your experience hasn't been that way but you can't upset your daughter by saying something that may not be true for her and makes it sound like you haven't enjoyed being her mother!

MynameisJune Sat 11-Aug-18 19:57:02

That would be a hugely shit thing to do to your daughter. Why the actual fuck would you want to tell her she ruined your life?

Also just because you’re struggling with parenthood, she might be a natural and feel completely different to you. She has the right to make her own decisions without your judgement colouring them before she is even an adult.

PurpleDaisies Sat 11-Aug-18 19:57:12

What’s going on that’s so awful at the moment? It sounds like you need some supper.

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