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Babysitter and ex

(12 Posts)
babysitterdilemma Sat 11-Aug-18 18:34:18

I'm considering getting a babysitter so I can get my social life back. My DCs are all under 7 and I'm worried about my ex's reaction when/if he finds out. He doesn't trust a lot of people, and I know he's gonna think I got "stranger" to look after the kids so I can go out. I really need time to myself.

I think he's a narcissist tbh, and I'm so used to being criticised, belittled and ripped to shreds by him everyday, that even now we're separated I'm still dreading his reaction to the things I do.

Has anyone's ex had a problem with their sitters?

kaytee87 Sat 11-Aug-18 18:35:16

How often does your ex have the kids?

babysitterdilemma Sat 11-Aug-18 18:37:25

He sees them couple times during the week for a few hours, doesn't have them overnight though.

numptynuts Sat 11-Aug-18 18:38:05

Don't tell him. He's no longer in control of you.

Mummadeeze Sat 11-Aug-18 18:44:02

I have that problem with my partner who is also a narcissist. He goes out whenever he wants but is angry when I book a sitter so I can go out (ie have a life, maintain friendships, attend work events etc). I have been thick skinned and ignored his sulking, angry rants and criticisms about it because I know he is unreasonable and being controlling. I use Sitters which is an agency and all the sitters have numerous reviews from other sitters and mostly work in schools in the day. Every sitter has been really good and experienced and my daughter is happy having them. He has been off and rude to them if he has come in contact with them but as he is out most nights (he works at night) then most of the time I just book them and deal with them myself. I urge you to find some time for yourself and find a good sitter to help you feel like yourself again. And I also urge you to do what you think is right when the children are in your care and not be ruled by him still. I have to tell my partner about the sitters because we live together but in your position I would probably not even bother talking to him about it but if you do, be firm and tell him what you are doing rather than ask for his permission and be prepared to be resilient when he will inevitably give you a hard time. Good luck.

Mummadeeze Sat 11-Aug-18 18:44:50

*I meant have reviews from other parents

Bluelady Sat 11-Aug-18 18:47:00

Why would you tell him? It's none of his business.

kaytee87 Sat 11-Aug-18 18:49:14

Well as he hardly sees them I wouldn't bother mentioning it tbh. What is his reason for his lack of involvement?
If he finds out and says something then just tell him that if he looked after the more you wouldn't need a babysitter.

sparklepops123 Sat 11-Aug-18 18:50:10

Yh agree, I wouldn't tell him

RoboJesus Sat 11-Aug-18 18:52:20

Just have them stay round his once a week then

Hissy Sat 11-Aug-18 19:34:14

Do not let him have ANY impact on what you do or don’t do in your life

Don’t tell him anything

He doesn’t have to like what you do, but guess what, it’s none of his business

QuackPorridgeBacon Sat 11-Aug-18 22:34:28

While they’re in your care he doesn’t really get a say does he? So if probably not tell him and if he does find out I’d bring up the fact he doesn’t have them at all overnight. Unless of course there is a very good reason for it.

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