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To have turned back

(141 Posts)
Stopplayingwiththecheese Sat 11-Aug-18 15:42:25

DB is having a barbecue today, he lives an hour and a quarter away. We have a dog who we don't like to leave for more than four hours or so and can't take him there.

We set off with the intention of staying for an hour and a half. We'd bought cake, meat and booze to take. Traffic was horrendous and after an hour sat nav was still telling us we were over an hour away, so we turned back. If we'd carried on we would have been able to spend about 15 minutes assuming it had really taken the hour, also traffic was even worse going the other way. So we turned back, I texted DB to explain and apologise and got a load of abuse back. WIBU to come home? Should we have gone, said hi and left?!

placebobebo Sat 11-Aug-18 15:44:39

YABU you should have got someone to look after the dog if you don't like leaving it for long. If you had enough notice to buy things to take, then this could also have been comfortably organised.

AnneLovesGilbert Sat 11-Aug-18 15:46:06

Oh god YABVU. I know someone like this and it drives everyone crazy.

MsOliphant Sat 11-Aug-18 15:48:20

That was a very tight window, he probably got a load of food in and was looking forward to seeing you and you sacked him off.

Make provisions for the dog instead of just planning to show your face at family events then rush back to it. Today you didn't even achieve that so I can see why he's bloody posed off.

CuriousaboutSamphire Sat 11-Aug-18 15:48:22

Erm... NBU for giving up in traffic... but your DB has very right to be pissed off that you would rather go home and sit with your dog than make better arrangements to enable you to see him. AND you had wasted all that money and effort! You must have been almost as disappointed as your BD is annoyed.

Apologise profusely, throw a return BBQ! Life's too short to be pissed off over such little things.

amy85 Sat 11-Aug-18 15:48:34

Yup yabu...dog would have survived being left longer

Overgrownyard Sat 11-Aug-18 15:49:04

Anne, that they don't leave their dog home alone for hours on end? ... how very unreasonable they are hmm

NewYearNewMe18 Sat 11-Aug-18 15:50:16

YBVU.

I don't understand people whose lives are controlled by pets .

BuntyII Sat 11-Aug-18 15:50:20

YABU I love my dog very much but he is a dog. You can't let them control your life. DB must be very disappointed.

lizzybennett1926 Sat 11-Aug-18 15:50:54

Yabu, you should have got someone to look in/walk/ have the dog.
I have a dog Who i adore and never leave for long but I make alternate arrangements such as a pet sitter/ dog walker for family events etc. Your dB was probably very annoyed and disappointed.

BarefootHippieChick Sat 11-Aug-18 15:50:59

I couldn't think of anything worse than not being able to go out for more than 4 hours because of a bloody dog.

MadMags Sat 11-Aug-18 15:50:59

YABU so rude!

Celebelly Sat 11-Aug-18 15:52:45

It's tricky as we don't like to leave our dog for longer than that if we can help it and we don't really have anyone else to look after her. However, she's welcome at any family gathering along with the other family dogs so we never have to miss out on stuff. Is there no space she can be kept at your brother's, like a room or something she can just have her bed in and you can just pop in to check on her every so often? Then you don't have to worry about rushing off and she isn't around everyone else/the BBQ. We've done this with our dog before when there's been fireworks, etc.

Stopplayingwiththecheese Sat 11-Aug-18 15:53:00

Well he knew we couldnt come for long and we weren't the only people going! Still I accept aibu and will apologise again.

saltnvinegarchips Sat 11-Aug-18 15:54:18

I agree yabu.

However it's funny that not long ago there was a thread about a woman who was dating a man and he took his dog everywhere, which limited things for them. A lot of people told her she was BU and he just wasn't the man for her if she couldn't love his dog grin

Stopplayingwiththecheese Sat 11-Aug-18 15:55:59

And no I couldn't have taken the dog, they don't allow him in the house or garden. And it was DB who suggested we just pop in for an hour in the first place. Still I understand I was in the wrong.

waxy1 Sat 11-Aug-18 15:56:03

Brother is VU to dish out abuse.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sat 11-Aug-18 15:58:02

I think you are slightly unreasonable.

I have dogs I don’t like leaving more than four hours but I’d have organised a dog walker to go in, or a neighbour, or left them for 6 hours just this once.

I do understand though.

astoundedgoat Sat 11-Aug-18 16:00:43

Brother was unreasonable on the face of it, but if you are in the habit of sacking off family events for a dog, then I'm not surprised.

Stopplayingwiththecheese Sat 11-Aug-18 16:03:52

Astoundedgoat not in the habit of it no! We couldn't get anyone to look after him today but it's never happened before!

Celebelly Sat 11-Aug-18 16:04:01

Honestly, I think it's an overreaction on his part. I wouldn't be putting my dog into kennels or paying for a pet sitter for a BBQ. A wedding or special birthday party, sure, but not for a couple of hours at a BBQ. But I don't want to spend time with people who wouldn't let my dog come anyway so it's a moot point ;) Luckily dogs are part of the family in our lives, just like the kids.

I'm sure he'll get over it. It's not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things. He was unreasonable for the abuse though. That's not really normal behaviour just because someone can't attend a barbecue, particularly if he knew you were only coming for an hour!

aaarrrggghhhh Sat 11-Aug-18 16:04:17

Its not just "a dog" - its a living creature how has emotional and physical needs. A good owner won't leave their dog alone for more than 4 hours.

However, I think that probably you are possibly BU for not getting a dog sitter or arranging for something else. But if your brother is a dick like others on this thread who think its "just a dog" so it doesn't matter if the dog is upset he is being VU.

happypoobum Sat 11-Aug-18 16:06:19

To be honest I wouldn't have agreed to drive all that way and back for 90 minutes anyway.

You should have arranged a dog sitter and gone for a longer time, or not gone at all.

BuntyII Sat 11-Aug-18 16:07:08

@aaarrrggghhhh it is a dog though. They have no concept of time, she could have spent 5 hours out instead of 4 for once. It's hardly neglectful. Saying a dog is a dog isn't the same as saying they don't have needs and aren't sentient beings.

Celebelly Sat 11-Aug-18 16:09:14

It's not just about their concept of time, it's about letting them out to go to the toilet! I don't fancy being left for five hours during the day without access to the loo... Or coming home to a mess and a distressed dog who had to go on the floor because she couldn't get out.

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